New here in terms of posting, been a lurker for years - the posts helped me out through some rough times :P So thank you for that ^^ To run down the back story of my life really quickly, didn't enjoy high school a lot, found myself not fitting in with exception of a small select group. I have a horrible track record with women, girlfriends or otherwise - simply just friends that are girls and I can't even talk to them, just cause them to become distances from me. Was friends with a lot of people still, was social with a lot of others and wasn't some silent guy in the corner. I don't consider myself ugly, anti-social, or a mean person. Slightly overweight, yes, but then again - who isn't these days? :P Normal guy just being myself. But I always felt something wasn't right in high school - hard to explain, I just didn't enjoy it, especially anything outside of school. With exception of my very close friends, I was never involved in anything. Now, college hits. Second semester for me of a 2 year program. First semester we all get to know each other, everyone is in the same classes - so we get pretty close, or so I thought. First semester I really felt like I was making friends, like everything was going smoothly and it was much better then high school. Second semester hits, and now it feels worse then high school. I don't talk as much to lots of the same people from last semester, not getting the same vibes from them - feel like I'm a burden of some kind to be around, and feel even more like some of them don't like me anymore. I don't get it. The recent trigger happened over time, I see all these "friends" of mine doing lots of stuff after school, driving out for food, to each others houses, to do lots of things. Yet I've never even known about these things - I don't get why I'm not included. It just feels like everything's getting all f***ed up now. Like no one wants anything to do with me, what exactly am I supposed to do? Every time I try and get back to where it was (by talking to them more, hanging out more, etc) it just feels like I'm a burden, I'm always at a distance. Hang with them more, I just realize more that I'm always excluded from everything. Stuff I never felt last semester. I dunno what it is - I really put my whole faith into college making me happy, having some kind of life that I never had in high school. I put too much hope into it, and now it just seems like people are completely distancing themselves from me, or even forcing themselves to talk to me. I know you guys won't be able to completely answer this, but consider it more of a need to vent or I'll do something irrational and would regret later kind of scenario. But still - any ideas? Suggestions?
I don't get it... Is it me?
Confidence man, confidence! That's what you need. You need to strut yourself, and just be chill. Outgoing is good, but don't over do it.Host a party or something and invite a bunch of the people who you want to be friends with over. Pump the music and dance out to it! It's not too hard to have a good time with some friends if you really want to I know it's gotta be really really hard, but be creative, get peoples numbers, develop friendships. And always remember, be confident. If you appear as if you are a pushover, well you wont be included!
You never know when you will meet the perfect person.
Welcome to posting, PocketJokers!I agree with anondude - often the problem is just that you don't push yourself forward enough, because you don't feel as good as they are. But you have as much right to be part of the group as anyone else, so take your place. Ask your friends what they are doing at the weekend. And organise things yourself, as anondude says.
Pretty much what everybody else said, confidence man.
All I have to add is to look out for projecting what your feeling on them. You feel like there going on without you, which may not be the case at all, so don't assume that's the reason.
Also, don't sit and wait around for an invitation to go and do shit. Just add yourself to the group activities. I'm not saying push yourself in awkwardly but rather don't look for an invitation to go.
If they say, "We're goin' over to Buster's house to party." Just say cool and go. Don't be lookin' for them to ask you if you would like to go.
There is no punishment. There is no reward. There are only consequences.