My Mistake?

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This feels kinda awkward to talk about here considering that nearly every post about cheating is from the perspective of someone who has been cheated on. I suppose at least this post may give some insight into the mind of a cheater.On Thursday night I went out to a college party with some friends, my girlfriend stayed at home because she wasn't feeling well. While there I met up with a friend of mine, Y, and his girlfriend, X, who is also a friend of mine. (If anyone gets that genetic joke, you're as sad as me.) Y isn't a drinker so after a while he got rather bored and decided to go home but X stayed. Through the night we had several drinks and were chatting for a long time until eventually, somehow, we started kissing.Later that night the party moved from the pub that we were in to a student housing building down the road. There we continued kissing discreetly (many of our friends were there) and we snuck into one of the bathrooms where we... fucked like bunnies. After about half an hour we came out of the bathroom to find 2 of our friends there who had obviously heard what we had done. We then decided to leave and we went to an empty house down the road where I sometimes stay during the week. We were starting to sober up so we did ask the question if we should stop, but we decided that the damage was done, any repercussions that were going to happen because of what we had done were going to happen anyway, so we might as well enjoy it for the rest of the night. And we did, and it was one of the best sexual experiences I've ever had. Not the best, but definitely up there.Now I'm a little disappointed in myself but not because of my actions but of my casual reaction to the event, that my conscience is feeling moments of guilt but nothing as overwhelming as I had thought that I'd feel. I feel more scared that my friends who know what I've done will tell my gf or tell Y, which is horribly selfish.But I take full responsibility for what I've done because I know why I did it. My relationship at the moment, as has been for a while, is sexually and emotionally frustrating. I feel that I put a lot more into it than I get out of it and I've considered ending it for a long time. Combined with that, I've had a thing for Y for quite a while and never really hid it. And I know that if I had the opportunity, I might do it again.The worst part is that I don't see myself as a horrible person. I don't know why I'm posting this, I think its because I really just have anyone else I can talk to.

Yikes.You either need to tell your girlfriend.. or break up with her. You can't keep this a secret because it will come out sooner or later.Cheating is not okay. What you did was wrong... I dont think you are a bad person because everyone makes mistakes. Obviously the girl you are with is not the one for you or you wouldnt have cheated on her. Time to end it I think.Good luck:S This could be a hard conversation to have!

Originally Posted By: albeitmyself

Bob,

I don't think you're a horrible person, just a normal person, and you can't change what you feel guilty about. It might help to think of how the knowledge of this action could hurt your girlfriend - and no matter how uneven the relationship has been, she still doesn't deserve this. The right thing to do would be to break up with her - I'm not even saying that you have to tell her you had this night of illicit, sex, but you need to break up with her - especially since you admit you'd be willing to do it again.

Well see thats the thing, I'm too much of a chicken shit to break up with her. If I wasn't, I would have done it quite a while ago. Its like I hate being with her for ages and then suddenly we have a brief period that reminds me why I'm still with her. The only problem is those moments are too infrequent. And as much as my actions the other night seems to show differently, I really do care about her and I can't stand the idea of hurting her.

Originally Posted By: albeitmyself

Remember, you can't control the actions of X,and there's no guarantee that she will break up with Y and be with you, you have to act knowing the possible consequences. If you break up with your girlfriend and X doesn't break up with Y, are you going to continue enticing her?

Oddly enough, Y broke up with X today for completely unrelated reasons. And as shallow as it may sound, I don't want to be with X, I just want to fuck her. And she tells me the same thing.

Originally Posted By: albeitmyself

Do yourself a favour, and find a girlfriend who puts the same amount into the relationship that you do. Even if you don't find cheating morally wrong, it's still a pain in the ass and complicates life.

Oh, hell yeah its a pain in the ass. I've spent all day today with her family. The guilt is kinda kicking in now, at least enough that I was compelled to buy her a pair of earrings.

Originally Posted By: albeitmyself

PS: You better damn well have used condoms.

*hugs*

Yup, in combination with her having an implant. It was also nice to be with someone who takes some responsibility with birth control.

Originally Posted By: StephieJYikes.You either need to tell your girlfriend.. or break up with her. You can't keep this a secret because it will come out sooner or later.But I really want to keep it a secret, forever and ever!! I'm too weak of a person to hurt her, which either of those options will do. Originally Posted By: StephieJCheating is not okay. What you did was wrong... I dont think you are a bad person because everyone makes mistakes. But this is definitely my worst mistake. And this wasn't something that I was so unbelievably drunk that I had no idea what I was really doing. I was drunk but I knew what I was doing. I really do think that this makes me a bad person. Originally Posted By: StephieJObviously the girl you are with is not the one for you or you wouldnt have cheated on her. Time to end it I think.I've thought about it but as I said in y reply to Natasha, I think that I'm just too scared to do it. Originally Posted By: StephieJGood luck:S This could be a hard conversation to have! I am dreading it...

Ahh, this sucks... Well, its my own fault so fuck it.Just as a matter of interest, to anyone out there who has been cheated on or has cheated on their partner at some point, how did things work out? Did you try to hide it or did you tell them? Did you break up or are you still with the person?

After I cheated the relationship ended shortly after.

If you don't really want to be with this girl (your girlfriend) than don't. Time is to precious to waste on something you don't really want. While your settling for her you may be missing out on the best thing that has ever crossed your path. If you don't see a future with her let her go. Don't let the one good time a month, or whatever, sucker you in to staying. A velvet prison is a tuff thing to escape but don't sit there in it you'll only regret the time you've lost.I've never cheated or been cheated on but I've been the other man several times. I went out with two or three married women. I can tell you it wasn't worth the hassle. I didn't and don't feel bad for having done it but it was more work than it was worth. I would imagine I would feel the same about cheating. Sure the illicitness of it's a thrill but after the fact it's not worth the time, worry and effort you have to put into it. ...or maybe I'm just lazy.

Ok, I'm doing it tomorrow. And I'm not gonna lie, I'm nervous and scared fuckless. I've never had to end such a long relationship and I know that she is gonna be upset but at the same time, if I don't do it now it'll only get harder. I'm actually scared about doing this, and I'm getting quite upset about it.

aw, bob. Just know that we are here for you.

I did it and it was the worst thing I've ever had to do. I cried my fucking eyes out the whole way home, which was 5 minutes ago so I'm still fucking crying...

You don't know me, but I'm still extremely sorry to hear that. You told her everything? hugs

Didn't tell her about the recent incident, I didn't want to hurt her more than necessary. It was hard enough.And thank you.

It does nothing to ease the pain now but you'll be a better stronger person for having waded through the shit.

I really am going through the shit because of this. I left college early yesterday to spend a good 12 hours getting shit-faced. Left early again today because she kept walking into my classes and I was overwhelmed with horrible feelings of guilt for hurting her. She's alone nearly all day in her office, she doesn't really have any friends and now I've abandoned her. I feel like a complete prick!

Staying with her and not feeling what she was would have been more of dickish thing to do than letting her get on with her life. Feel what you feel but don't beat yourself up to bad, just take solace in knowing you did the right thing however bad the hurt may temporarily be.

''Now I'm a little disappointed in myself but not because of my actions but of my casual reaction to the event, that my conscience is feeling moments of guilt but nothing as overwhelming as I had thought that I'd feel.''I guess it's getting pretty overwhelming now? Sometimes after reading something here I end up thinking about it for a long time. Your post was one of these cases. My thoughts...Don't you think she has a right to know what you did? By thinking that you broke up with her because things were getting stale she may feel as if it is she that is completely in the wrong. I get that that is one of the reasons but... Also you say you feel pretty crap right now in relation to the girl. Couldn't this also be because you haven't told her the whole story? However, if you honestly don't think she will benefit from knowing obviously don't tell her. But putting myself into her shoes, I'd like to know. I'd be beating myself up over the break-up: ''Why didn't I see this coming, I should have done more for him...ect. ect. ect.'' Knowing would allow me to dislike you as opposed to long for you back.But that's just me.

I got the x and y thing Your a bad person, welcome to the club, smoke a bowl and get over it.I had a long history in my childhood with cheating (dad) I have never been a cheater, Iv dumped girls so I could fuck a new one, sometimes on the phone if I had the chance to bang a new one and no time to track down the old one and break up, but i never cheated.There are those that say different, but if we are dating and I never said we are exclusive, then me banging some broad in a parking lot behind wal-mart is not cheating, she was free to do the same thing.Im not a cheater, but iM still a bad person :D, welcome to teh dark side.

I'm gonna ask her if she wants to meet up next week to talk about things. I really don't think that telling her about what happened would help her but I might tell her. I'm in a mixed mind at the moment, not sure if I made a mistake or not.

Keep your distance!!

Seeing her and hanging out with her isnt going to make you feel better. it will probably result in you two getting back together and everyone knows thats not what you really want! You cheated on her for god sakes! Over and over again even though you knew in your head it was wrong!

If you get back together, things will seem better at first but will quickly take the decline ONCE AGAIN. Dont go back.. move forward. Think of yourself right now and what you need to do to better your life... do whats best for you. Im sure having her in your life is not your best option right now.

If you DO end up getting back together ... you need to tell her about you cheating on her. You guys were together a long time and she deserves to know

I agree with Sunshine, her mind must be swirling by now. How you feel might just be the guilt weighing down on you. It might be best if you tell her the whole truth. Unfortunately it would make you look like an ahole but it could possibly ease your mind instead of her thinking she did something wrong.

I know you've been told to look out for yourself and consider your own benefits but you have to consider her also.