I used to self harm a lot when i was younger- about a year and a half ago because of my ex i was feeling dirty etc. At this time i also planned my suicide- which i couldn't go through with because of guilt.Lately i've begun to feel very strong waves of depression, even though my now-boyfriend loves me and would never do anything i didn't want to, but still i get very low.I want to self harm as i know how it releases everything but i don't want to hurt my boyfriend, as he'll see the cuts and get suspicious.Does anyone know what to do?
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Tempted to slip back into self harming
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why would you cut yourself? That just pushes you further into depression, you need to think of a new hobby that will relieve stress. Yoga? A sport? Working out? Something.
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Quote: Does anyone know what to do? I can relate to the feeling dirty. I don’t really have the answers but I can tell you what I do. So far it’s helped. Before i do I’ll share some about myself. takes a deep breath I’m a self harmer too, tho I don’t cut. I do Genital self-mutilation. At least that’s what my therapist calls it. I burn it, I stab it, I cut it, I make it raw, I slam it in drawers or cabinets, I’ve gave myself a rope burn by using a dog leash. I still don’t quite know why but I have started to learn what makes me feel like I need too and it’s more than just one thing. Feeling dirty is one of them, so is when I start missing my abuser….. I’ve done the extreme to it all the way to the minor. Minor would be (to me) when I grip my erection and squeeze until one of two things happen. (1.) I lose the erection or (2.) I can’t stand the pain anymore…and at 2.. If it’s still up I do stick in a door or something and slam on it. I know it’s hard for people to understand - honestly I do it and I don’t really understand it. I just know the feelings and the way I feel better after. Dam it the pain of a hurting /sore dick it’s nothing compared to the pain in my head and chest…. My girl tried to understand but she did dump me because of this… she said she loved me so much it hurt her to see me do this to myself and that untill I can love myself like she loves me …….bal bla bla… after days of her not talking to me I finally got her to talk to me (threw a friend - that knew we were both miserable) I groveled, I apologized, I promised her I’d try to stop and I asked her to marry me. I haven’t hurt it since in a major way but I have in minor ways. She just don’t know. I’ve wanted to do major tho… and this is what I do to not. I call her. I have her cell on speed dial and I call her. I don’t have to say one word to her…. I’ve called her at 3 am and I;ve called her just to cry. She asked me if I need her to come over and I usually answer no. but one time I couldn’t; answer her and she drove over with me on the cell. ( I also found out that her mom had called my mom so they were on “watch” mode. I’ve tried drawing and writing like recommitted but….. Something about her voice. I guess it also help that my doctor has scared the fuck out of me by telling me the next time I could lose my dick… and I could loose Shannon. I don’t really want to loose her or my dick even though I hate it sometimes. Sorry I cant do much more help than that. (if that is even help)
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Sorry for possibly over analyzing, but I feel like I can really relate to your situation. But maybe I am wrong, and if I am, well fuck I just typed this for no reason.first of all..I am confused by what you're asking.. Do you want someone to tell you how to harm yourself in a way that no one will notice? Or do you really want someone to see your cuts or scars as a way to reach out for help?I don't think you are in a state where you will harm yourself right now in this moment. I think that you regret what you have done in the past and added to the fact that you might believe self harm is the only way out, and you are experiencing fear of where it will lead. If I am wrong you would have answered 'yes' to one of those original questions, and my insight is worthless anyway; so I share what I feel because maybe it will help.you are reaching out for help by posting here, and you didn't need to hurt yourself physically to do it. I think that you must be thinking rationally right now, and you need to learn ways to deal with your feelings in a healthier way. You dont need to hurt yourself to deal with these problems, and if you didn't believe that you wouldnt even be looking for help. I see Self harm, however you do it as the easy way out, and really dealing with your problems is the hard, yet more rewarding path, at the end you will be at least somewhat better than you left off.The truth is no one can really give you this help without getting to know you a little better. I think a good psychologist would be helpful, or anyone you can be honest with who will know how to help you find the root of your feelings; I never trusted anyone I knew personally to be really honest with them, CR is lucky to have someone like his fiance. You may need medication, but personally I have recently become a strong believer in cognitive therapy and I hope you can try it with openness and honesty, believe it or not just try it.Cannot really say too much more about this because I don't see how it could make sense without knowing what you are really like, and I would risk just being too confusing.If you are curious about how I have harmed myself.. well I had sliced myself up really good in various places leaving embarassing scars, and I abused drugs for way too many years which led being addicted to shooting heroin. Maybe I am not correct when I say this is all related, but to me someone who cuts them self, uses drugs, or smashes his penis, it is a behavior you use to escape from how you feel, and for sure it is all self harm.Ahh I just don't know where to end this. If you want to talk about where I'm coming from maybe I can share what led me to my position and maybe you can relate. That's all tonight
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I don't know that it would work for anybody else but it does for my warped sensibilities, get pissed. They fucked you over, you've been the devils play thing, resolve not to let 'em have your mind and torment you from a distance. Challenge yourself, you already know your stronger because you've survived hell. Use it as source of strength and a place of anger and hatred directed at them. In your minds, eye feast on their flesh, destroy them million times over and hate them. Then when they try to control you and make you hate yourself you'll find it easier with time that you can do and be just the opposite of what they want you to. You can avoid harming yourself out spite for them and to prove to them they can't have you, control you or effect you.
Never... never... never let the fuckers have your mind... never.
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Wouldnt that just increase a negative world view? I would say do the exact opposite and try and control the thoughts before they come, I'm a chronic depressant and I find that it's better to just talk about it to someone, and I don't mean a psychologist but rather someone you trust, I would say a friend not your boyfriend. However overall, the battle is within, you have to learn to accept yourself, and in order to do this you have to find out who you are, and what you want. Once you do that, you need to stride to becoming that person you want to be.
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Ahh yeah sorry i can see how my question's confusing, i meant, well even if it's not a conventional way of trying to help myself, is it 'ok' to do it?
I wouldn't want anyone to know apart from myself but i was wondering whether anyone else has found a better way for this kinda release :smile:I know self harming may seem warped but hey it works :smirk:
Thanks for sharing your stories with me :smile: it really does help x
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Originally Posted By: TechnichalWouldnt that just increase a negative world view?More than likely, yes. But sometimes the world is a shitty place and you just have to accept that. For myself, I use anger, pain and hate as a source of strength. I know I can endure because I've endured worse.Sometimes there's just nothing else to do but hate. You can't change the situation and being "okay" with it isn't an option. And fuck forgiveness. Sometimes is not about being okay, it's not about forgiving it's not about being any of those positive affirmations. It's just about going on. Going on in spite of those who would seek to hold us down. Going on because we can. Going on to show them you may beat me down but you can't have me. Going on simply out of hate. Existing in spite of them, contrary to them, as a reminder to them.