i seem to be having trouble making friends. i'm too kept with myself, too personal, and don't engage myself as i should.at school, there's plenty of people that enjoy talking to me, but they aren't that close. even my facebook friends are fake to me.my parents are starting to get concerned cuz i never leave the house to spend time with other people. i used to always hang out with people, and now i only see one other person once or twice a month.occasionally i try to make my self feel better by telling myself that i don't need anyone. which helps every now and then, but that's not right.i don't even know what i should be asking in terms of help. i just needed to get this out.
Hasn't bothered me til now...
Friends are important for lifting our spirits and giving encouragement. It's worth pushing yourself a bit out of your comfort zone to talk to people, to hang out with them, to get to know them better, to do things with them. Of course time alone is important too, but it seems you already get a lot of that.
i'm too shy really.
I understand that well. We shy people are not good at making friends, and don't have a lot. But I think when we do make friends we can be very good ones.
you were the same? how'd you overcome it?
I'm a really shy person as well. Naturally I'd rather sit in a room with people I'm not good friends with and just say nothing than to try and strike up a conversation. It's what I'm comfortable with.
When I got to college I challenged myself to break out of that, and to meet as many new people as I could. For the most part, I'll be honest, I failed. I'm a sophomore now, and in most of my classes I keep to myself. However, I've been actively working to break out of that, and I think I make a little progress all the time.
One thing that definitely helps, is to try and get involved with different clubs and activities offered through your school, or local community groups. Even things like volunteering to read to children at the library, or other things like that will help you be able to meet new people.
After my first semester at college I was really dissapointed with myself. All the friends I had were from my dorm with a few exceptions. So the second semester I started looking for ways to get involved and meet new people. I joined my school's EMS squad, and most importantly I became an Orientation Leader, where I got a lot of training, then lead the first year student orientation in the summer before college started for them. That program immensely helped me overcome my shyness, and while like I said, I still sit alone in classes, I'm making great progress.
One of the hardest things to do is strike up a conversation with someone. It takes a lot of guts, and I know I used to try and avoid it at all costs. Again, going back to joining clubs, when first join you have an excellent opportunity to meet the people in the club, and start off some potential future friendships. Even if clubs aren't your thing, try and talk to people around you, whenever possible.
Say if your waiting in a lunch line, try to talk to the person next to you. Try to find something in common to use as a catalyst for the conversation. It can be really hard to talk to people if they're clumped in groups with their friends, so try to talk to people who are by themselves. Some great conversations starters might be sports, television, video games, etc. whatever your into. Also you can try and talk about classes, current events, etc. Try to avoid "Hot Topics", things like politics, religion, sexuality, etc. Save those topics for friends.
One important note, people LOVE to talk about themselves. Hell I did it twice in this post already. If you want to break the awkwardness, try and ask them questions that they can go on about.
For example I worked a local Science Fair last weekend. I didn't know the other students working the fair, but I walked up to them, introduced myself, and ask some general ice breaker type questions. I hit the money when I asked about some topic (don't even really remember it anymore) and the girl I was talking to went on and on. I really didn't care about what she was saying, and it was quite boring to listen to her yap, but I nodded, and made it seem like I gave a crap. By letting her tell her long winded story though, she became comfortable with me, and that removed the awkwardness. Then the rest of the time we were working together, we'd stop and have a quick conversation, and it was fun and very freeing from a shyness perspective.
One important note though, try and keep it a conversation, not an interview. When they're done, add your thoughts, and try and be natural and relaxed. I'm sure you'll want to tell them some story about yourself too, and they'll probably listen. Don't ask yes/no questions if you can, though kill conversations.
It's 2:46am though, so that's all I can say for now. Any questions/comments on what I said please reply, and I'll try and help. I have more to say, but again, the time, so tomorrow.
What an excellent post, full of good ideas!