A lot of people ask me this question, and it literally makes me sick at my stomach, it should be obvious but ignoring the fact I work my ass off for stuff and never even get close to getting it . I went to the ren fair and several rennies even noticed I was down and somewhere along the lines picked up I have no confidence.
The whole day I was with these 2 workers. And a random girl I met there. Now to befair, she was 17 almost 18, she was pretty hot, she lived close to these guys turns out, so of course being 19 and 20 they were more interested in what she had to say then me. That's fine. I wasn't looking for attention anyway.
But the whole day I was completely in the background, nobody actually spoke to me in 12 hours of hanging out except the few times I asked a question. Several times I tried to mention I'm actually occasionally one of the performers at the fair and what I do. Never once did they pay any attention. They would talk about movies or something and go on about certain parts, but ignore any comments I made on the parts or pay any attention to scenes from the movies I commented on.
And near the end of the day I finally hear a comment from one of them. "In all this time, I don't think he's really added much to this conversation, I wonder why he's not talking much." Then eventually they go on about my confidence and self esteem.
No fucking shit I have low self esteem, and the irony of the situation is they still really paid more attention to me then my "friends." do. But that aside.
I tried all fucking day to at least be part of a conversation and I was completely ignored, and then they wonder why I have no confidence? When you can't even push your way into a conversation between people who claim to be interested in learning more about you, how am I supposed to have high esteem.
Mostly this is just a venting post, and this is nothing more but one of many many examples.
It's just starting to make me sick at my stomach that people pay attention that little.