Hi everyone, I've been reading a lot of these forums and was looking at where I can post this in an appropriate category. This really depresses me so much so I thought I can get this all off my chest in the depression forum. Anyways my basic problem is that I'm almost in my mid twenties and I still resemble a teenage boy instead of a young man. I don't know where to begin as I've had such as rough ride for quite some time probably since high school. When I was in high school and was at the age where most people started to go through puberty, I failed to make friends because I looked so different from all my peers being that I didn't hit puberty until I was around 20 and that I looked like I was 8 instead of 14. People used to think it was cute back then being that I looked like a little boy instead of a teenager/adolescent but when you're in your mid twenties and resemble a teenager it can affect your whole sense of well being and can limit yourself from finding a partner/girlfriend as well as employment. For four years of high school people bullied me and said that I looked like a little boy instead of the age I was. They asked me “did you go through puberty yet?” and “do you even shave yet?” Others said I looked gay because I had such a skinny physique and a real baby face and didn't have to shave yet and appeared to be less masculine. The more difficult times were when I was around 18-21 years old when I was studying at higher education and when people are engaging in sexual relationships. I thought that I would meet more mature folks who wouldn't judge me on my boyish look. However I was wrong, whenever I asked girls out, they always replied “are you serious?” or “ewww... you're too young for me!” even though I was older than them. Girls always made up excuses like “I don’t feel like it” or “I’m too busy” meanwhile a week or so later they are dating someone and usually those guys were the one’s that were built, could grow facial hair and resembled a man. Guys used to say that “I looked like a 12 year old kid instead of a 20 year old man” and that “nobody's going to offer me a job after I graduate because I don't look like a man.” I barely made it through college because of my depression and because of the harsh treatment I received from people. I ended up graduating and was looking for work which was my next obstacle because of my boyish looks. I remember working some temporary positions and when they ran out of work they said “you're just a young kid, don't worry about it, there's lots of time for you, besides we already have more than enough young teenage workers for the summer anyways” even though I was a 22 year old man at the time. When I was 23 and started looking for more full-time positions, nobody gave me the time or day. I had already had a good couple years of experience in my field already and was being interviewed. The first thing employers would always ask me is “how old are you?” even though they are not supposed to ask you that question. When I told them how old I was they replied “well you certainly don't look that old!” They couldn't believe that a person who looked as young as I would have this much experience in my field already. They would always ask “What college did you go to?” “When did you graduate?” “When did you work at this place?” This was probably because they couldn’t believe how old I really was. I didn't get the position even though I was well prepared, enthusiastic, and was very confident. The person who I was having the interview with said “I'll let you know what my decision is in a week” Weeks past by and I still didn‘t hear anything back from them. I tried emailing them, calling them, leaving several messages until about a month later I called them again and they happen to answer the phone and said “No, I didn't get your message” I asked him if he had made his decision on who he's going to hire and he said “well there was an individual that had a bit more experience than you and was quite a few years younger than you but he seemed so much older” I can't help but think that my teenage looking appearance was the reason for me not being considered for the position. I eventually ended up finding another job but was shortly laid off a little while later. Most people I come across ask me “which high school do you attend?” Then when I tell them that I haven’t been in high school for about 7 years now, they are shocked to find out that I’m as old as I claim to be, even then most people still don’t believe me. The funny thing is I’m old enough to be the teacher and most people think I’m only a sophomore high school student. I used to think to myself this will change in a year or two when I get a little older. I am in my mid twenties this year and I still look like a young teen and could pass for around 16-19 years old. I've been out of college now for four years and am currently unemployed, have no career, no girl friend even though most people I went to school with who are my age or younger have professional careers and are either engaged, married and even have kids. I still always get carded for buying alcohol and even lottery tickets. I’ve even been carded for a lottery ticket by a girl who was a few years younger than I. I know this because I asked her how old she was and why she’s carding me. She replied “you don’t look 18” I’ve even been refused the right to purchase a lottery ticket. The clerk selling me the ticket didn’t think I was old enough to purchase one, then asked for my I.D., then asked me what my birth date is and where I live and even though I answered correctly she was convinced that I was underage and had fake I.D. and refused to sell it to me. I can’t begin to describe the stress, anxiety, depression and low self esteem that I suffer from because of this on a daily basis. I suppose being a young man in your mid twenties and am still not regarded as a man in society and still not taken seriously might have something to do with it. This whole issue has held me back in life for years and I find myself being more of a reclose, staying inside my apartment not wanting to get out with friends because this is the only way I can avoid embarrassment and feeling inferior in public. I am very pale skinned, and have no workable facial hair yet. I only get a few light, soft, wispy hairs here and there but not nearly enough to grow into anything decent or respectable looking. Meanwhile most of my peers that I went to school with could grow decent, respectable facial hair such as thick sideburns, goatees, chinstraps and even full beards at around 16-21 years old, and to think I didn’t really have to start shaving until age 20 or 21. I still can't even grow decent sideburns. I have no muscle mass on my arms, legs, chest or shoulders and only weigh about 140-145 lbs even though I eat about 4-6 meals a day and work out every other day while consuming numerous protein shakes and milkshakes. My wrists are so thin and bony and resemble that of a 15 year olds. Even though I'm trying to make a difference to change my appearance so I don't look so young, I still don’t notice any difference. When I was in college I used to think to myself that this will all change in a few years or so when I get older and start to look more mature. I am now in my mid twenties and still look the same as I did when I was 18 or 19. I usually get mistaken for under 18 all the time. What can I do but be depressed about it and wallow in self pity?Another birthday and Christmas alone…I’m going crazy…Help…What can I do? Please help me!!! Is there anyone else out there that shares a similar dilemma to mine. Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks a lot in advance!
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Why do some men look like boys? My life is :(
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Well, instead of wallowing in despair, just don't worry about it. There's many many more people that look like you around, there are about 4 kids in my lunch period alone that look like 7th graders. And you are still young. You have roughly 80 more years. Given that 20 of those are senior years, that's still more than enough time to get a good job, get a wife, have kids, etc.. Even when people mistake you for that young, oh well. It's the way you look, and there's not much that you can do about hormones and genes. Be happy with yourself. Embrace the way you look. There are guys that would probably kill to look the way you do.My bud, too, he could pass for 8th grade, and hes about 16. He has a faint moostache... but that's about it. I can wrap my hand completely around his wrist. That's just the way he looks, his genes don't code for much of that. Mine on the other hand..german and italian, and polish and welsh...ho HO, theres a combo...lol...my hairs so thick, i could be on fructise commercials! Bottomline--Don't stress about it, be happy with who you are, and every day that your alive. It could be worse, couldn't it?Welcome, by they way...
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Welcome to A2A, Babyface. I hadn't realised how tough it could be, even after college.Have you checked whether there is any underlying medical condition? Your development timeframe seems well outside the normal range.
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Thanks for your replies! I really appreciate it! Yeah, life has been really tough for me especially after college because that's when most people are seeking employment in their field and want to be taken seriously and considered for the position they're applying for. It's also the time when most young men and women are becoming engaged or married and are also engaging in sexual relationships, which has left me feeling way behind my peers. Hell, as embarrassing as this sounds I have never even had my first real kiss yet, meanwhile there are kids in grade 9 that have already beaten me to it. In my opinion, this has been the hardest phase of my life even more so than being in high school or college because it's not a matter of making friends it's the time when you start your life, find a career and try to be successful. My development seems to be way outside the normal range for my age. I have been to a doctor by the way, 7 of them to be exact and none of them found any underlying medical reason(s) that are causing my extremely delayed development. The only thing they thought that could be causing my development to be so slow is delayed puberty, which even if I was going through it I would suspect that by my mid twenties it would be all complete even if I am an extremely late bloomer. I suppose I'm a non bloomer because I'm still waiting to finish puberty, develop facial hair, bulk up, and resemble a young man. I have always been a late bloomer for almost everything though. I didn't learn to walk and talk until a bit later than most people do. I didn't really need to shave until I was 20 or 21 years old. I still can't grow any respectable facial hair except for a few here and there and I still haven't bulked up yet and still have the same high school aged body frame as most teenagers. I didn't get armpit hair until I was about 17 or 18. I just recently noticed one fine, wispy hair growing out of my chest which isn't too noticeable. Other than that I have a chest as bare as an 11 years old. I still get a fair bit of acne which is really red and noticeable. My penis is of normal size and I have normal sexual desire for the opposite sex. I can only hope at this phase of my life that I am an extremely late bloomer rather than a non bloomer. I suppose at the rate I'm going I'll be able to start bulking up at age 50 and perhaps maybe by the time I reach retirement age I'll be able to grow a beard and resemble a man and finally be taken seriously as an adult. I still have no idea why my development is so delayed. By the way all my male relatives look a bit younger than their age but seemed to develop at a normal rate and age. All of my male relatives were bulked up to a proportional size or at least noticed bulking up and could grow facial hair and resembled a young man when they were my age if not younger. Any ideas why I am developing so late in life and this slow? Any other thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated! Thanks a lot in advance!
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'Delayed puberty' is really a description of the symptoms rather than an explanation for them. Have you had your testosterone levels checked?
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You better see an endocrinologist about this........and seek medical help for your problem.
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Wow! Thanks for the quick replies! I have been to quite a few specialists, I'm not sure if it was an Endocrinologist and they also couldn't find any explanation to my problem. I've also had a free testosterone test and my testosterone levels were on the lower side but still within the normal range. So they didn't think that low testosterone is the reason for my slow development. They couldn't explain any reason(s) that would be causing this problem to happen besides delayed puberty. I know for a fact that I definitely have delayed puberty because of all of the symptoms that I have especially for a person my age such as low muscle mass, sparse or very little facial and body hair, underweight. The question is am I still going through delayed puberty at my age? I have never heard of anyone else as old as I am that has this problem. I also have low energy most of the time so I usually take a B12 vitamin to help.
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Maybe its delayed puberty or there may be another under lying cause that maybe delaying your puberty.
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You're probably not going to like my reply, but please take to heart what I'm about to write. I feel I can in some ways empathise with you, not because of your specific issue, but because I hated things about myself so badly that I tried to commit suicide right when I turned 14. (I'm 16 now.) So I consider myself as having some special experience in some of these areas. So here is my honest, serious advice and my reasons behind it:STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF!!!Yes, I know it isn't fair and it "sort of" causes you problems, but you have gotten a lot of medical opinion and apparently you are biologically NORMAL. Nobody can conrol how short or tall they are, how big their nose or ears are, if their two eyes point in different directions, etc. BUT THEY CAN CONTROL THEIR ATTITUDE!You are feeling very sorry for yourself, and it's for things you cannot control, an nobody worth yor time would hold that against you. Everything that brought me to the point of trying to kill myself were things that I had no control over, and I felt like a victim. After I got out of the hospital (I did almost die), they put me in a psych hospital for a while and I got tons of counseling. Now I can say that it all helped me tremendously. Tally up your strengths, and also tally up the things you feel you are NOT good at that you can ACTUALLY WORK ON AND CHANGE. This might be things like social skills and how you interact with people; what you say and what you do. Are you usually a cheerful, outging, positive person most of the time? I probably doubt it. Tally up the things that you CANNOT change that really upset you. (I think you've told us pretty well here. You look like a teenage boy but you are in your mid-20's) Somehow, you have to resolve yourself to just say FUCK IT!!! I CANNOT AND WILL NOT LET IT BOTHER ME BECAUSE I DIDN'T CAUSE IT AND I CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT!!!I think you feel that there is not a one girl in the world who would not be EMBARASSED to be seen with you or go out with you, and that is ABSOLUTE BS!!! If you are FUN and ENJOYABLE to be with I will assure you that there are MANY girls who would love to meet you. But then you need to work on FRIENDSHIPS, and then I bet a good friedhsip will turn romantic for you!Okay, there, I said it. Remember, if it wasn't for people kicking me in the ass and telling me to get over it and quit feeling sorry for myself, I probably would be dead by now. So take this as advice from a one-time almost-dead kid. Okay?
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What nationality are you? I have a friend who is American Indian and for example he doesn't have hardly any body hair... Anywhere. He's 42 and looks like his 18 maybe
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Hey, in case you guy's didn't know I'm a fairly healthy Caucasian male. Like I mentioned earlier all my male relatives could grow prominent, adult looking facial hair when they were my age if not younger. All I can grow is a few wispy hairs here and there not even close enough to grow into anything. I also have very pale skin so it shows off my baby face even more. I try tanning but it usually takes me a good month to get slightly tanned or I get burnt. Even then after a month of constant tanning my tan usually wares off within a few days or less. It's not only my lack of facial hair and my pale white baby face that makes me look really young it's also my really small body frame. All of my male relatives were all filled out or were at least starting to fill out by the time they were my age. I still have a really skinny skeletal frame that resembles that of the average 16-19 year old, which I eat very well, I usually consume 4-6 meals a day plus I work out about 4 or 5 days a week, while consuming several protein shakes and milk shakes. After a strict diet of high protein and carbohydrates and persistent exercise I still can't seem to bulk up at all. I only weigh about 140-145 lbs, sometimes I can weigh up to 150-153 lbs but the following day I'm back to about 145 lbs. At my age I can't help but feel that my genetics and hormones are responsible for this and often feel cheated when I look around and see others that are 4-6 years younger than I that look proportional and resemble a young adult. I am not expecting to be bulked up like the incredible hulk by any means, I just want to look proportional, mature and close to my biological age. I get so frustrated being that I work out to the point of exhaustion and until I'm sore without noticing any significant results. I've seen women in their early twenties if not younger who are not big by any means and are often petite that have larger arms than I. Seriously, and that's with me working at it like crazy. I heard testosterone is responsible for bulking up and for the development of male secondary sex characteristics. I can't help but think that the reason for my development being so behind and slow is a result of low testosterone. However, according to some medical practitioners, my testosterone was on the lower end but still within the normal range, so I am baffled. I get along with most people very well, and am often a funny guy and very social able believe it or not but with the way I've been treated in the past and still am because of this problem, I often feel judged by others on a daily basis. ScottP14, I understand what you're trying to say in regards to not feeling sorry for myself, but I had to get this all off my chest. I appreciate your advice but at the same time you should have a little more compassion and understanding being that you know somewhat how I feel. ScottP14, you say you're only 16, well put yourself in my shoes and pretend you're almost a decade older and your appearance still basically looks the same and even though you can't change it, it is affecting your ability to find a significant other, your ability to be employed and be respected as a regular hardworking employee but most of all it is affecting your quality of daily life. Trust me it happens more often than not, we live in a very superficial, age-oriented society which means employers often get there first impression of somebody within the first 20-30 seconds upon an interview and appearance is very important. Sadly, employers often judge an applicant for the position by their appearance and if you're in a field which often has an over abundance of mature folks and you're walking into the interview totally prepared, well educated, confident but look way too young to be considered, employers often choose someone who looks more mature, sophisticated and professional looking. Basically my depression with this whole issue is like a chain reaction meaning the disrespect, and being looked down upon and not being taken seriously and often treated inferior in society often brings you down so you lose all confidence and self esteem. So when you say go on with your daily life, when considering I've taken your approach with this time after time and with trying to change and improve the situation, I always keep getting the same lack of respect from everybody, not only with past events like high school and college but with more recent events like finding professional employment. If this keeps happening to you over and over again, would you be optimistic and not be down about it? More than likely not. Think about it!!!
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That is rough, if people don't take you seriously. :frowning:
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That is the roughest part of my whole problem, people not taking me seriously. It makes me so angry and depressed when I see individuals who are years younger than I who are taken more seriously than I am. I don't know what I have ever done to deserve this kind of shabby treatment. I can't help but think that my teenage/boyish looks have something to do with it. I am a very mature individual who often feels like he has an older soul, very easy going personality but people look and talk down to me like as if I'm some kid. It's a hard enough time being hassled for I.D. every single time for alcohol or even lottery tickets which can be fairly annoying time after time. Or when someone comes to your door and says is your mom or dad home? The most difficult part of this whole ordeal is how I'm am discriminated against when it comes to finding professional employment. Employers always make their decision whether or not they're going to hire you within the first 20 seconds or so of the interview, which is usually based on your appearance. It's very unfortunate but it's a fact of life. I have a very difficult time finding a job because of the way I look. The same goes for dating and talking to women. I am at an age where I should have no problem being taken seriously. With all the negative comments that I still get from people, it basically points to the way I look that is causing this problem. Believe it or not my family still treats me like a little kid even though I'm a man, they always refer to me as a boy, kid, teenager, etc. My family and friends of theirs that come down to visit always make negative comments about my sparse facial hair and my very skinny physique most of the time. I just hope people can start to over look my appearance and not discriminate against my teenage/boyish looks so I can move on with my life and be happy & successful.
