Ever wonder if you should even be in existance?

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I'm constantly thinking that I, as a person, shouldn't exist. I feel so pitiful and wonder what everybody else lives would be like without me. Sometimes i would think what it'll be like if I was- a mute- a woman (i know... it's weird)- deaf- lived some other place- poorer than dirtyeah, there's something wrong with me

It sounds like depression. Depression lies to us, and one of the lies it tells is that we are not worthwhile.

I never really wondered that but what Pete said is right, it may be symptom of depression. My depression can get pretty severe and I while have never, or seldom, felt unworthy of existence, I do constantly feel like a horrible failure. I, sometimes almost nightly, dream that I'm failing high school. This is one of those days that I feel like a complete utter and total failure. I don't know what the hell this has to do with your post.

And you think your the only one? You think that everyone on the planet had never felt that at some point in life?
I promise you every fucking person alive has had that thought at one time or another.

Quote: I, sometimes almost nightly, dream that I'm failing high school.Wow so weird! I have that dream all the freakin time. I wake up feeling all paranoid. The dreams are often me going to class and having no clue on the topic we are talking about or I'm talking with the teaching to give me extra credit because I'm failing and I don't want to get left behind etc. On the same lines as that dream another one I have is its the end of the year and there is a class I haven't attending in weeks and I am rushing to catch up on all the work and taking tests and/or trying to talk teachers into letting me retake tests so I don't fail. I have them several times a week! I thought I was the only person who has "Issues" with these dreams.

I had that one last night. I dreamed I missed a shit load and was pleading with them to let me in but knew even if they did there was no way I could get caught up and that failure was inevitable.Last night's dream was particularly bad, to the point it's made me depressed today.I guess, it is comforting to know that I'm not the only one who has to go back and fail high school or college several times a week.

Originally Posted By: OldFolksI guess, it is comforting to know that I'm not the only one who has to go back and fail high school or college several times a week. lol I know right? I haven't had this one in awhile but I used to have dreams that I couldn't remember the combination to my locker and I needed to get my books and homework for my next class and if I didn't have the homework I was going to get an "F" in the class.I guess I am confused why I always have such stressful dreams about school when in reality I never stressed when it came to High School or College for that matter. Academically wise I did very well in school.

Originally Posted By: NtroducingMyselfI guess I am confused why I always have such stressful dreams about school when in reality I never stressed when it came to High School or College for that matter. Academically wise I did very well in school. Like you I never had any problem in school I coasted through without effort. I think, for me, the dream is representative of my feelings of failure and how time is, or has in some cases, run out on me to move on to something else. These dreams just put into focus the deep sense of failure I have with regard to what I've done with my life. In the dream it's just presented in a more personable way, you might say. The sense of failure is more black and white and less subjective than my failure in life.

Originally Posted By: OldFolks Originally Posted By: NtroducingMyselfI guess I am confused why I always have such stressful dreams about school when in reality I never stressed when it came to High School or College for that matter. Academically wise I did very well in school. Like you I never had any problem in school I coasted through without effort. I think, for me, the dream is representative of my feelings of failure and how time is, or has in some cases, run out on me to move on to something else. These dreams just put into focus the deep sense of failure I have with regard to what I've done with my life. In the dream it's just presented in a more personable way, you might say. The sense of failure is more black and white and less subjective than my failure in life. Well that would make sense. I personally always thought at this point in my life I'd be further along than I am now. I also though I'd have a family started and into my career etc.

I don't know where I thought I would be. I for sure didn't think life would be so bereft of enjoyment, I do know that. I think I feel like a failure because I let so much of carefree youth pass me by and never attempted the things I wanted to do, not that I really had the opportunity. Now I just see age looming in the foreground and the fading of ability and health to attempt what I want. The shitty part is now, as apposed to when I was younger, I see this happening and am aware of it and because of that feel powerless to strive for that which is getting further and further out of reach. Commitment of all kinds familial, relationship and financial have lashed me to the spot I am. I see life passing me by and I feel helpless to strive for the things I wanted, so then whats the point. Why pay for that new car if it can't take you the new places you want to go. What good is that relationship if that partner shares no passion for your want of vagabond wonderings... and what good are vagabond wonderings if you can't put food in your mouth or have no vehicle to convey you or no one to share those wonderings with.There, now I'm really depressed...

Originally Posted By: GrvtykllrAnd you think your the only one? You think that everyone on the planet had never felt that at some point in life?I promise you every fucking person alive has had that thought at one time or another. obviously not, that's why i'm asking, read before you type

Its a rhetorical statement asshat.Everyone ever and who will ever live will ask that question, Pull your head out of your ass and think before YOU type.

Originally Posted By: GrvtykllrIts a rhetorical statement asshat.Everyone ever and who will ever live will ask that question, Pull your head out of your ass and think before YOU type. my bad

I often have a dream set in a school too, but I am a teacher with no idea which classes I am meant to be teaching, and in horrible fear I am missing some.

fuck it, no worries.

vagabond wanderings?They are fucking grand.I did it alone, took a year off of life, said fuck it and wandered with a pistol and a back pack and 2 knives.I saw that shitty ass mid west part of the US, new york, wandered back west through BC and into washington and oregon and california, down the coast, back across and back to utah.I was alone, I left my truck at my brothers and took a few clothes and the gun and walked off. walked and hitched all over the place, saw people I had not seen since 89 when we left school, stayed with friends all over the country for a week or a few days, slept a ways off the road when I was tired, stayed in motels when I needed a bed or a shower at a truck stop.I had the cash to eat, and teh debit card when i needed more. It was a grand fucking year, I would love to do it again.I was single then, I could do what I wanted, the twat had my kids, I had jstu got out of the shithole clink, needed to feel alive again not sure what to do with a fucke dup life and attempted murder on my record, so I left and went on a walk. just over 11 months total. enough internet cafes and shit to keep up with emails and let people know I was alive, best thing I ever did, till I returned to utah.I really love utah, the mountains and deserts and rocks and waterfalls, its the fucking people here I can not stand.I been gettin itchy feet lately, if not for Julie and my youngest the other will graduate in 2 years and Id be gone again.Course in another 30 years, Ill do it again, only no walking and hitching, Ill take a motor home and Julie along with me and ravage teh country, always stay where its warm and be back here in the mountains for summers and a stoned 68 year old man.I will however avoid ever returning to oklahoma or texas, and Alabamas never been on my list of places to wander. Should ya say fuck it and decide to go on a wander trip yourself, even if for only a month or a couple weeks of vacation, I do got a couch ya can crash on, or an areo bed. Say the word, I can not go wandering, but I can host ya for a bit if ya decide to fuck off and wander to utah. Im only 40 minutes from the air port and I-80 winds right past my town, 8o will take ya from california to the east coast, always a excuse to hook up to it..I70? I think if my memory is worth shit thats what I was on in Oklahoma...right over to I15, north to I80 then west...exit 99...you got my number and now ya got directions.I on the other hand have go to fucking go! shit to do shit to do, but at least the yards mowed down and then sprayed to kill every thing, when they come stake my shit for pipes and wires I can start the landscaping, till then I got too much other shit to do this week and last.Prolly next too. FUck I need a vacation myself.