Alright, so here's the story.Me and this girl, lets call her Cindy, have been friends for a while, since about October of last year. We would walk to first hour together all the time. Everything was fine and good for the rest of the year. Then, in June, she told me that she had feelings more than just friendship for me. Naturally, I had a small freak out, my other friend helped smooth it over, and the whole summer, me and Cindy have been awesome. We stay up late, quiz each other, make obscenely funny jokes , and the like.Now here's the part that I'm having issues with. She still wants to be more than friends. And I do to, but I'm not sure if I want to with her or not. And let me tell you, Cindy is perfect for me. We think the same things about politics. We love the same music and games. We have the same beliefs, "religiously", whatever. We joke about her brother all the time, we greatly enjoy each others company, and we're not afraid to make the kind of jokes we make. But looks wise, she's not what I'm looking for in a girl.Now, I coerce/convince myself that I don't want to be in a relationship right now, because of my questioning myself, with who I want to like, etc, but I know that's a load of crap, because right now it doesn't really matter. I don't care that I look at guys, think they're cute, etc. If I turn out to be gay, bi, whatever, so be it. Right now, it's not a big deal to me.So what I want to ask, is if I'm being to selfish/vain to not enter into a relationship with her because she doesn't look how I thought the part would look. Am I being stupid for ignoring her and how perfect we mesh? (Well, not ignoring, but, you know).What should I do?
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I'm conflicted...I need some help here
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I think it is a little vain that you won't give it a chance simply because of how she looks. But if you're honestly not physically attracted to her then you'll probably never be.So, if you chose to not take this friendship to the next level, you better tell her and be honest with her. Don't let her think there's a chance.
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I completely agree with Virtual.You cannot force yourself to be attracted to a person; physically or mentally. It is what it is. Just be upfront and honest with the girl and cherish the great friendship it sounds like you two have.
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Star, Eddie, you're right. I need to have a talk with her next time she comes over to my house, or on ze telephone. Thanks for the advice. Had me a bit perplexed for a while.
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The question is though: Were you ever attracted to her and send signals that made her think you were into her? You gotta give her some credit though, she stepped up to the plate and told you. That definitely takes courage. You can't blame her for not being how you thought the "part" of g/f would look. If you woulda gave her a shot, and let her see that things wouldnt work, she could take the hit better. It is easier for things to go back to normal if the friendship is strong enough and has been around for a while.
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Yes you are vain, but who honestly has no vain traits at all? My honest opinion is if you are not attracted to her physically, then it is impossible to have a healthy "romantic" relationship. You will find yourself looking at and desire other more physically attractive girls or maybe guys.