A few days ago I looked at my girlfriend's phone while she was asleep beside me, and she happened to get a text from a mutual friend. When I looked at it, I didn't understand it, but proceeded to go through about 200-250 texts in her inbox & outbox, trying to follow the conversation. I realized that our mutual friend, whom we both know is "struggling with" (IS) bi, had been hitting on my girlfriend, who I later found out had kissed her when she stayed the night one night at my girlfriend's house. I then read through another conversation that my gf had with a girl who apparently lives in another state. This girl turned out to be (on bringing up that I'd read through her texts and was shocked) a former girlfriend and current "friend" with whom my girlfriend came into contact by chat room during a hard time in her life, when a bad rumor got spread around school about her. These two were in similar situations and became really close, dating for about six months, and then off and on, while my gf felt that she couldn't trust boys because of the rumor...Fast forward to two weeks, when I'm not speaking to the first mutual friend I mentioned and my girlfriend barely texts her back at all. Looking through her texts, the girl from the other state and my gf haven't been talking or texting as much, but a friend from around here, whom I don't know, who is also bi, has been texting her. She is very committed to HER relationship, so I don't have a problem with my girlfriend talking to her, but looking through texts this morning, she was talking about another girl (from around her, younger) whom my girlfriend had texted earlier in the week while we were hanging out. I didn't question it because after our long talk that I mentioned in ( ) earlier ^ up there, I really wanted to trust her and not look through her texts anymore. Well, I noticed a couple more texts from that first mutual friend, about something about calling my gf names like sweetie, so i asked my girlfriend why she didn't go off about that and she said she handled it, so I let it go, but she got mad or felt untrusted that I looked through her texts again... So again, I tried not to.Last night: Gf and cousin (female, mutual best friend of me and my gf) spent the night at my (grandma's) house (with me). I slept beside my girlfriend, who was very tired and cranky, to be honest, but we got better an laughed and smiled and kissed a little, and were ok. I woke up, her phone was buzzing from a text, so I tried to look at it to see even who it was (could've been her mom's blackberry asking what she's doing--her parents didn't know I would be at the house she was staying), and realized that she had LOCKED her ENTIRE phone from even dialing anything but 911--a hint to me that she doesn't trust me knowing what she's talking about to her (female) friend..she barely texts any guys. So (sorry I'm all over the place) my gf in that LONG talk ( ) from earlier admitted that she felt that she was bi, but didn't really feel it any more, and felt violated when around that mutual friend, so I thought we were good. So she left her phone unlocked, and she was watching TV in the other room while I showered. My grandma was still home, so I went into my room (naked) and began to get dressed. Her phone was unlocked and I looked through it to find a text conversation with that committed girl I mentioned earlier talking about my girlfriend sneaking out (pretty recently, I'm assuming) to get drunk and make out with that girl who's younger from around here. So with all that she admitted in that long talk, my gf didn't tell me about this--so I'm assuming it has happened since, and she told the girl she was texting that she's "hooked" on girls...So I don't want her to feel like I'm creeping into her text conversations, but I feel like I have MORE than a RIGHT to be ANGRY and UPSET and HURT over this...IT'S definitely not the first time! So she can tell that I'm angry, and I did get mad over something stupid earlier, but admitted to my cousin (who told her) that I'm not mad about that anymore. My cousin asked me what's wrong and I said you wouldn't understand, and my gf asked "would i?" and i said... "hmm I think so..", so I'm not sure whether to give her the right or privilege of telling her why I'm mad or asking her about it, or if I should just break up with her...I don't feel ANY trust right now! I feel like if I ask her, she might get mad at HOW i found out, but I want to see if she'll tell me, with the possibility of my not knowing outright...If any part of this doesn't make sense, please post and ask, and I will try to clarify--I'm just so hurt right now that I can't exactly think straight, so all my thoughts are EVERYWHERE!Thanks for reading through all my drama!
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Need advice. Long post but plz read & respond!
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My advice is to break up. I take it you don't like her being intimate with other women. My gf is also bi but I don't have a problem with those two separate worlds as long as I know the woman she is with (this is for my own protection of course).But that's not for everyone, and there is no reason you should have to deal with having a bi gf if you don't really want one. The thing you have to admit to yourself is that this girl is bi, and that's not changing, and she doesn't want to change. It's unfair to ask her to change. She is also one who obviously feels its ok to have concurrent relationships with women and men. If you're not ok with that (and there is nothing wrong with not being ok with that), then you should break up with her.At this point any trust between you two is pretty much gone anyways. She can't trust you when you're snooping through her stuff after you said you wouldn't, and you can't trust her when her text messages are completely opposite the words she's telling you. Without trust there is no relationship.You found out something about her that you didn't like. That's what dating is all about. Don't feel too badly about it. Just go ahead and end the relationship so you can get over that and start finding someone who is closer to your ideals. Personally bisexuality is something I would get out there on around the first or second date but obviously she was worried about telling you and with good reason considering you don't approve of her concurrently dating.You two simply aren't compatible at this point. But good luck to you on your next try
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No offense dude... But you're a jealous schmuck!You invaded her personal phone and read her text messages. What's next? Her email? her regular snail mail? Why not start rummaging thru her purse after she goes to sleep? At what point in your relationship did you think it was perfectly okay for you to violate her personal space and read her messages.Just because you're in a relationship with her doesn't give you the right to snoop. There has to be a level of trust... If you don't have trust you don't have anything at all...If you think she's cheating instead of snooping, why not be adult enough to come right out and ask her instead of invading her personal space..No offense, but I hate people that read other peoples emails and texts....
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If you read the OP, he did essentially ask that, and was lied to on several occasions as to the depth of her attraction to other women. I agree with you that what he did was wrong, but in the end it really doesn't matter because the results clearly showed that he had been lied to and by his own definition "cheated" on with other women.I advise my gf to read my emails and texts when they come in because they might be something very important for me. So me and her don't have this issue. If I couldn't tell my gf I shouldn't be doing it in the first place.Privacy is something to establish in the beginning (like whether or not you're bisexual still). It's not an issue to me because privacy, personal space, yadda yadda, its not that much of a concern to me. But to many people it is. It looks like it is to you Roc and also to the OP's girlfriend.As I said OP, it's not going to work for you guys. You repeatedly invade what she has defined as personal space and she obviously has no care of your boundaries in a relationship. Let her go.
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Hey Jo,starts singing Hendrix sorry about that, bad hawk slaps wrist.Right from the sounds of it you already have made your mind up. I don't agree with the way you found out this information but thats not the most important thing thats happening here. The important thing is she is lieing to you, not once but repeatidly and basicly cheating on you. She hasn't tried to change her ways and stop doing it. She has however tried to lock her phone to stop you finding out any more. Its not my place to say if you should or shouldn't be in this relationship, like my fellow poster said, some couples can get on just fine with other people in their relationship. But you have to ask yourself is that what you want? Without trust where are you?Hawk