Don't Want to be Gay, Help!

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Originally Posted By: IneligibleYou're forgotten even if your DNA is passed on. Surely humans can do more than merely reproduce - bacteria can do that. Exactly.Also there are many straight couples who do not reproduce, but still have a purpose on this planet.And as Rad stated, homosexuals can still reproduce.Just because a person cannot reproduce or does not want to reproduce does not make their life less meaningful. Its what we do in life that gives us meaning, and that can mean many different things for different people.

Sorry another very long post but I hope you read it all…  Quote: counseling is kinda out of the question because that would involve verbally telling another person all about everything and that just makes it too "real."You told all of us and nothing horrible has come of it, if anything I hope some positive has come from it all. A lot of people gave you some amazing advice. A counselor is not going to judge you; they are there to help you. I would again state you seem very trouble and you need some professional guidance. Anyone who is willing to even think about killing themselves over something as simple as sexuality needs professional counseling.  Quote: i was willed a $20,000 diamond engagement ring, it really wouldn't look good on a guys hand and i'd completely let down the person who willed it to me if i didn't give it to a girl.You worry too much about other people. This is not their life this is YOUR life. Its YOUR life to be happy and love and be loved. Stop letting other peoples problems and societies prejudice interfer with YOUR life. There has to come a point in life when you have to stop making everyone else happy and put yourself first, until you can do that you’ll never be happy; straight or gay.  Quote: The real truth here is that being gay is not normal and that's why I won't live that way.I really dislike the word “normal”, because lets be honest what is normal? What’s normal for one person will not be normal for the guy sitting next to him. We are all different and live a life set with different Normalcies. Who sets the rules for “normal”? Should we live a life set by the rules of “normal” given by another person’s standard? I sure hope not because lord would we be a boring bunch of people.  Quote: There is absolutely no scientific purpose for it.Well, I cannot argue much about this except to say I think as humans we have more purpose than just reproduction. I don’t feel the definition of a human equates to “reproduction”.  Quote: believe in science and evolution and every single trait, behavior, feature etc. should all have an evolutionary purpose. The only thing homosexuality serves to accomplish is human extinction.I don’t believe this at all. There will ALWAYS be heterosexual people and there will ALWAYS be homosexual people. If you want to focus on reproduction, think of homosexuality as perhaps nature’s way of a natural population control. Though as it has already been stated homosexuals can still reproduce (Thanks to science) so extinctions is not even a possibility for humans unless by some other means other than failure to reproduce.  Quote: To say that some people are born gay and it's the way they're meant to be is to acknowledge that god exists and people are "pre-destined."Not sure how this acknowledges god, because it really doesn’t; if anything its more science than it is religion. Science is the one leading the mission to show that homosexuality is a genetic situation, not an environmental cause.  Quote: It's just the recent gay rights movement that sought to "normalize it."Because it is normal… for me and every other homosexual person, just as being straight is normal for all straight people. Again this goes back to my paragraph about what is normal. No one should live by a set of “normal” standards because who is normal enough to set them?  Quote: It makes sense, I mean no one wants to be labeled a deviant but I believe it's a mental illness.I might have some mental illness, but it’s not because I’m homosexual lol. But in all seriousness there is nothing anymore deviant about being homosexual than there is being heterosexual.  Quote: I also think there have to be other factors, like not having a father, or being bullied, or having girls reject you that trigger it to become active.I cannot disagree more. I had a father in my life, yes I was bullied but I never let it get the best of me and I often fought back and yes I might have been rejected by some girls but there were other girls who didn’t. If this was the cause of homosexuality there would be a lot more homosexuals in this world.  Quote: People are born with Schizophrenia, pedophilia, tendencies to rape, murder, etc and we don't call those alternative lifestyles.Other than schizophrenia, you are not born with any of those other traits. I have never seen anything documentation stating pedophilia, rape and/or murder is a born with trait. All of the above is however an example of a true mental illness.  Quote: Normalizing homosexuality only opens the door for a "pedophile rights movement" in 25-30 years.False on every level possible. For homosexuality to open the doors to legalizing pedophilia there has to be a connection between homosexuality and pedophilia, which there is absolutely none. If anything if you look at the statistics there are by far more heterosexual pedophilia cases than homosexual. Secondly, society will never allow pedophilia to be legalized. That’s like saying it will open the door to legalizing rape, it will never happen. Homosexuality and pedophilia cannot even be compared, but that’s a scare tactic those opposed to Same-Sex Marriage have been using to scare peoples votes in their direction.  Quote: Well it affects the family of the person afflicted, it affects the people they are around on a day to day basis. Mental illnesses like OCD, Schizophrenia, Autism, are pretty much passive and don't really affect anyone else either but we don't put a positive spin on it.Me being gay (and my sister as well) does not have a negative affect on my family, if anything it truthfully has had a positive one. My family has become very accepting of people different than themselves and has come to realize there is no difference other than we love someone of the same gender. My family didn’t have to take the high road just because we’re gay, they took it upon themselves to understand us… sadly many people decide to take the low road. Also my homosexuality affects absolutely no one around me… does a straight persons sexuality affect the people around them? Not to my knowledge. Most people would never know I am gay unless I told them. Sexuality it not something you wear on your sleeve because its absolutely no ones business, regardless of your orientation.  Quote: when deep down I think every gay person really knows they aren't living a life that humans are meant to.I think deep down all gay people know we are different than the majority of the population, but to say we aren’t living a life we are supposed too I’m not sure I can agree with that statement completely. I think all animals on this planet, not just humans, have a variety of sexuality. Humans are not the only species on earth that homosexuality has been found. Just to name a few penguins, dolphins, and monkeys have all been found to have homosexuality as part of their species. There have been pods of dolphins where gay couples raise children, same with penguins as well.So if anything the animal kingdom has shown that though homosexuality perhaps is not the majority, it is also not uncommon. And whats great about their communities, they aren’t treated differently or removed from society… they are treated as equals. Just some food for thought.  Quote: Like I said before though, technology is getting further ahead, scientists are getting better at understanding the process of the human brain. In 100 years maybe no one will ever even have heard of homosexuality because it will be fixable. I find it more likely that science will prove that homosexuality is a genetic trait and eventually through time society will become tolerate.  Quote: Should I start taking steroids or testosterone? What about drinking bull blood?I’d advice against drinking bull blood… that cannot be healthy lolAs for steroids and testosterone, that’s not going to a damned thing to help you with your problem. Steroids might help you gain muscle, but it’ll also make your testicales shrink like a baby’s.. is that worth it?As for testosterone, that has absolutely no baring on anything. My testosterone levels are double the normal male, and I am still gay.What WILL help you though is getting some professional therapy from someone licensed to help. All we can do here is give advice and give personal experience, but what you need is someone who is going to professionally help you through your sexuality identity issue.

Brilliant post Eddie.

Shaw, think about what Ntro (Eddie) had to say.

Ok, I'm too lazy to really comment back on everything but I want to clarify that I know that homosexuality and pedophilia have nothing to do with one another but there ARE people and groups who claim that pedophilia and other deviant obsessions are "sexual orientations." There are activist groups right now claiming that raping boys is "natural." 30 years ago gay groups were looked at the same way, that's what I'm trying to say here. While homosexuality isn't the same thing, the movement is different than blacks trying to end segregation or women trying to vote. Think about all the taboo things that everyone will agree is taboo. In the future maybe we'll be looked at as "bigots" for our views that are now universally accepted. It is opening Pandora's Box. I think homosexuality should be private and completely behind closed doors.

I really get pissed off with all these categories though, if you wikipedia "sexual orientation" they have something like 15 types of sexual orientations on there rather than the standard gay, lesbian, bisexual. And WTF does "queer" mean? I see that all the time, how is "queer" a sexual orientation different than gay or bi?

There is no more to life than eating, sleeping, relieving yourself of waste, and reproduction. That's really the sole purpose of anything alive. Enjoying the sunset or reading a good book is not the purpose of life, sure they may be nice but really doesn't contribute to the survival of humanity. Everything else is artificial and human created. Once again, o matter what you do, in a million years, it won't matter unless you have some kind of distant descendant still around, that's the only way to achieve immortality. In a million years all records will probably be lost and anyone around probably won't even speak English so your acts of kindness really don't mean anything. Yes I know that gay people can adopt babies from China or pay a poor destitute woman $20,000 to carry their love child but that's just way too artificial and it's like Jewish kids having a "Hanukkah Tree" just to simulate the joy Christian kids get to feel around the winter holidays.

Anyways how can I appear more heterosexual? Right now I make an effort to show guys I'm not gay but generally acting like a douche to every guy I don't know. For instance if I walk into a building and a girl is behind me, I hold the door, if it's a guy I let it slam in his face. I also try to show anger a lot and over react with violence and throwing things. I've also started to get into a lot of road rage incidents that have almost escalated into violence. What else can I do to make people give me the benefit of the doubt?

A little piece of advice, quit being a dick to random men because you have a conflict in your head. They did nothing to you and don't deserve to be treated that way. Your issues shouldn't be inflicted on the innocent public. That's stupid, irresponsible and childish.

The kind of thought your writing about is what leads some people to eventually tie a gay boy to a fence and beat him to death.

Get it through your head there is no way to act straight. Just be respectful to people and treat them the way you would want them to treat you.

I don't see how what I'm saying condones what happened to Matthew Shepard, that was horrible and all but the unfortunate truth is it probably would not have happened if he wasn't gay. I'm not getting into any kind of hate speech, I just personally believe it's unnatural and a product of 20th century political correctness and open-mindedness. Yes, I know it's been around forever but only recently did it become a hip fad.I'm generally a douche to anyone I perceive as being happier than me, sadly I just want the whole world to be as miserable as I am. There may be no way to act straight but there are certainly ways to act gay, what are some subtle hints someone is gay? Like the way the talk, walk, or chew their food, etc. Like I said earlier this is the part I liken to "spy training" because I want to be a lifelong infiltrator into the heterosexual world.

I didn't say what you wrote condoned anything. What I was saying is that being a dick to somebody because you have issues in your own mind is wrong. I don't care whether your being a dick cause your terrified you might be gay or if it's because you stubbed your toe on the bedpost. Neither give you the right to treat other people in a generally shitty manner.

I'm not really going out of my way to be a dick, I just won't do them any favors. And by being a douche-bag I mean I just want to come across as unfriendly to other males. I also think it's important to exhibit rage and anger all the time because that's what alpha males do in order to protect their territory.

Quote: I also think it's important to exhibit rage and anger all the time because that's what alpha males do in order to protect their territory.Generally only to direct rivals in the rutting season - and humans, who don't have a rutting season, don't work the same way. Keeping constant rage is very unhealthy, both psychologically and physically (the mind and body are not designed to be in a constant state of stress).

I'm thinking in terms of dogs not deer. You have your alpha wolf which is always in control and will take out any other wolf that tries to challenge him.Anyways, today is day 1 of my sobriety. No more gay thoughts, no looking at gay material, talking to homosexuals online, etc. I am an addict and I need to take things one day at a time if I am to cure myself. I'm even trying to get my jacking off down to once per day. I'd appreciate all the support I can get.Thanks

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I'm thinking in terms of dogs not deer. You have your alpha wolf which is always in control and will take out any other wolf that tries to challenge him.

And we are also not wild animals.. we are civilized (well most of the human race anyways lol :wink: ).

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I'd appreciate all the support I can get.

I'm here to support you in helping you come to terms with your sexuality, but I cannot support the idea of a person lying to themselves and avoiding the issue, which can have dire consequences.

In your last couple posts theres a lot I want to say, but right now I am not sure its worth the time or effort. I think the main point of anything I will have to say is that you need professional help. You'll never lead a satisfying life unless you can come to terms and accept yourself, regardless of the orientation. You have a lot of skewed perception of homosexuality and homosexuality in society.

So I will hold off posting my rebuttles for now until I decide if its worth the effort.

EDIT: I wanted to make something clear, its not that you are not worth my time.. its the fact I don't want it to be wasted energy if its not going to help YOU in the long run.

I don't really think of it as "lying" because I still like girls at least a little and during the times when I have had a girl to be with, that was enough to satisfy me. I guess that would make me bisexual at least and if that's the case I can just just choose which team I want to play for.Sometimes I think if I just isolate myself from the rest of society that would be the solution, besides I really just hate humanity in general.

Quote:I really just hate humanity in general.I think it would be well worth exploring that more deeply. I wonder if your feelings about your sexuality include a component of self-hate?

I dunno but I have probably a dozen other mental illnesses most likely: OCD, manic depression, bipolar, antisocial personality disorder, social anxiety disorder, and I really don't do shit about them other then self-medicate on pot.

I understand you want support. I understand you are struggling. But I also understand that you are looking at this the wrong way. Murder, theft, assault -- we learned those things were not genetic. Remeber Eugenics? But we have evidence, research, that being gay is nature not nurture.You and I have a lot in common. I used to masturbate to gay porn. I'd get horny around my male friends. I talked to boys on the Internet. Then I would cum and feel disgust and shame. I've been raised all my life that being gay is wrong. And I'm an atheist as well. I have strong scientific convictions. So I understand that genes are genes. I have wanted to go to law school all my life. I was on the debate team for four years. Last year, I was the number one debater in my state. I led my team to Movk Trial nationals where we placed VERY high. And when people hear me speak, they turn heads. They don't think "I wonder if he's gay". They say "he's going to do something great". I have a dad. I have a lot of guy and girl friends. I'm popular. I'm good looking. I wasn't bullied. I've had sex with 12 girls multiple times. NONE OF IT MATTERS. Right now, I am the happiest I've ever been. I am talking to a boy. And he's amazing. He isn't flamboyant. He's kind and caring and smart. He gives me butterflies. And I want to have kids and a family. But adoption is fine for me. I am in college. And no one thinks I'm gay. Men don't approach me. And I don't know if I'm gay. But I know I like one boy. And you know what? When I masturbate to him I feel no shame. I don't care if I'm gay or straight. I'm going to law school. I'm smart. I'm driven. I was accepted into 7 of the top 30 colleges. I am going to be in politics someday. And I'm going to help people. You obviosly think there is more to life than eating, sleeping, and reproducing. You yourself want to go to law school and have a family. You want happiness just like everyone else. You have to stop worrying what people will think. Fuck them. More and more movies are portraying gays as normal, because they are. Black men and women are still portrayed as gangsters or thugs or uneducated. Do think that black people want to bleach their skin? Or learn to be white because of some racist driven demographic? No. Be who you are. I can't tell you if you're gay or bi. I can't tell you how to be "less gay" whatever that means. All I can say is that gay men and women are normal. They are people and deserve respect. Saying they are like pedophiles or deviants is nothing more than a logical fallacy. It's a straw man argument. Live life. Don't worry about other people. Do something great. I know I will. I don't let the stupidity if humanity change me. If you hate humanity so much, if you dislike people so much, then why do you let them influence your life decisions? I'm sorry if I was rude. I hope it helps.

Thank you Felix, that was a great post :smile:

You know I really don't care anymore. I'm extremely far from normal even if I were 100% straight and I think there's so many things wrong with me even if I were 100% attracted to women no woman would ever want me. I am just giving up on life and everything. I am just going to withdraw from social life altogether and spend more and more time alone til I develop some kind of multiple personality.

Ya know, no one benefits from that. You're smart. You've made a lot more effort to understand things than a lot of people would. You came here. You wanted help. So don't give up. Let someone be there for you. I understand depression. I tried to kill myself in 9th grade. Depression isn't pretty for everyone. I mean, you could give up.You could stop trying. You could hide away and let things run their course. Or you could fight. You could get over the "normal" people. No one is normal. I'm sorry. It's true. Everyone is a little screwed up. What separates the "normal" people from the rest is the willingness to fight. The willingness to take control of their own lives. You can do that. You can be happy. It's not something just handed to you. You have to work for it. Why are you so very unhappy?Is it because of the gay thing? Because that's something a lot of people can help with here. Is it because you can't fond a girl? You're young. You don't know what lies ahead. You can't worry about it so much. Live life. Find good, solid friends. If you keep chasing girls the right one may never pop up. I truly believe everyone has someone they are meant to be with. So don't fret. Don't hide away or kill yourself. If you do then all the great things I'm sure you are capable of won't happen. The person out there that you could wake up to and kiss every morning will be denied what they deserve. So live. People suck. The world sucks. Don't let that change you.

Well said!

I really never should have came here. I've been more depressed ever since I posted this and got all the responses. I feel like I'm going through the stages of death with this. I didn't get the answers I wanted and I am resigned to the end that I will never become an open homosexual, I will gladly face death before that happens.I've been depressed years before this though and hypothetically even without this I'd probably eventually die by my own hand. Since I was 12 years old I pretty much realized I would die due to suicide sooner or later. As for fighting, I see what I am doing now as fighting. I am fighting the toughest fight of all and I will emerge victoriously or through mutually assured destruction both myself and my deviant thoughts will die together. I'm unhappy for a ton of reasons. Like I said before even without being gay or bisexual I'm still not as good as everyone else. I lack social skills, I don't believe I'm worthy enough for anyone, I can only breath out of one nostril at a time, and my hands sweat constantly to the point I can't even shake hands without being embarrassed or even take notes in class without soaking the paper. This is just the breaking point, the one thing more I needed to send me over the edge.I don't know what I'm going to do but I might as well just drop out of school and become a recluse alcoholic. I don't see the point in life if you can't be a normal, regular person and let's not get into a discussion of "normal" because you all know what I mean.