Hi ATA Community,
Long time reader, but I never thought until this day, but I would like some help from the community.
And now that I have finally created an account (YAY), I hope I could help others too.
Nevertheless about me:
- From the UK
- University Student (Final year)
- Never had a girlfriend/ Never "done" it.
- I met this girl two weeks ago
- 15th: There was a party - I got smashed, can't remember anything but apparently we were holding hands while we were walking back to campus. I walked her back to her place and she planted me kiss before going in to her place.
- 23rd: Pub crawl night. Our group of friends wanted to meet up and catch and she was there too. La de la - pub crawl ended at the University club and we were there dancing. Then we were dancing fairly close but then she pushed me against the wall and started making out with me. Totally Shocked (as I am never the guy who gets that sort of thing)but I continued along with the flow. One thing lead to another and we were back at her place - and yes it happened. We were talking and I found out she has a boyfriend but she was going to break up with him, and that she likes me. Unfortunately, I'm confused whether I have the same feelings too.
- 24th: Tried to do work but was unable to concentrate. She texted me talking normal things like "what you been up to?" etc. etc. but then I invited her over for dinner just to be like friendly. After dinner we watched 2 DVDs and then - yea you guessed it - she made a move and, again, one thing lead to another. She then asked me: "Am I your girl?". I couldn't answer.
I can tell she really really likes me, well, she even said it herself but I don't have that feeling. I want to be with her but I somehow don't want to. Mainly due to the fact we are on our final years of University and I need more time to concentrate on studying - and I don't want to be dating a girl if I want to spend more time with my head in a book instead of spending time with her. I "kinda" told this to her but she still like: "Well you don't know if you don't try".
I want to say we should end this but can't since we kinda "woohoo'd" twice and don't want to seem like I was using her for one-night stands.
I am just really really confused on what I want now. I can't think properly and I don't think I have typed out everything (I'll re-read it and edit it next time)
Anywho, thoughts and opinions?
Hi ATA Community,
Welcome to A2A, Stag!
I would normally think that if you're not at all sure, she's not the right one; but I suspect part of your reticence might be fear of getting out of a comfortable rut, so I'm not so sure.
I see two opposing dangers :
1. If you turn her away, you may later feel you turned away your best chance;
2. If you don't turn her away, you may feel trapped in a relationship you can't get out of, eventually leading to a married life that you have no control over.
I wonder if what is needed here is for you to say, "We have been going forward too quickly - we need to get to know each other better first, and see where that might lead".
Very powerful analysis - I believe you have read me like a book.
Thank you. I'll tell her that and we'll see what will happen. I'll update this sooner or later.
Ineligible is the man! He always knows what to say
I lived. I loved. I lost. I learned. I failed.<br />I stood up. I laughed. I cried. 21 years young...happiness can't be too far now.
I agree with Pete's rut idea. It's not that hard to have a relationship and go to school.
For the longer view life can get pretty demanding and your going to have to learn sooner of later how to balance home life and work life. It's an equity we all must endeavor to reach.
There is no punishment. There is no reward. There are only consequences.