I have something to say.....


I swore to you I'd let sleeping dogs lie after I found your posts on here, but I just can't hold my tongue anymore. You're gonna hurt me for this, LuvMyCats, but I'm still not over you.
Being in love with my gay best friend is the hardest thing, outside of my hospital visits, to deal with. We've been friends for about two years and eight months, you know how I feel and that's probably never going to change. I'm sorry for all of the trouble I caused you back then, with being a bit too obsessive and all that. You are the first guy I ever loved and I didn't know how to deal with the emotions that came with falling in love with you, but that's what I get for being a teenage girl.
You've been there for me through a whole lot, and I've been there for you. And as of late, we've become so close, like brother and sister with a screwed up past. I never wanna lose you, no matter what. I kinda know the basic stuff you want in the future, and I wanna be in that future, no matter what role I play. I am incredibly honored to have been the first person you came out to, though I pretty much figured it out on my own. I'm so glad that you didn't tell me to hit the road after that rough patch we had. Now we tell each other everything and things between us are pretty perfect. We are still perfect for each other, minus the whole you being gay thing, but maybe in the next life, we will end up together with the three kids, nice house, decent jobs, and everything good that you deserve. God has been a pain in the ass to you lately with everything that has happened, so you deserve something good. I know you hate talking about the future, but it sometimes comforts me, and I know you've always gone out of your way to make me smile, and I've done the same for you. I will always love you for everything you have been, are, and ever will be.

So, what I really wanna know here from everyone is how do I help myself get over this? I also tend to sabotage my relationships before they have a chance to start, could there be a reason I still do this?