Hi, everyone! I used to come to this forum a while back just to look up information but not really post. I'm sort of confused on how to be with the situation since he's not exactly my bf. So I was wondering if I could get some input.For the past 2 1/2 years, I have been seeing this guy unofficially. I actually ended up liking it like that. It took me a while to be okay with it, but I'm so glad we're unofficial - we're best fuck buddies I guess you could say but without the f'ing. When we first started hanging out, I used to be the one to beg him for sex, now it's the other way around and I'm not really in the mood anymore. I've been stressed out about a lot of other things that sex and messing around are just the last things on my mind. I definitely don't need the accidental consequences of sex right now either so the best way is being abstinent! I just want someone I can talk to who will talk back with me, someone who I can go places with and know I can count on him. If I wanted to mess around with him he'd be up for it and he was the perfect guy for the position. During these 2 1/2 years even though we are unofficial, he hadn't messed around with anyone else. He would tell me if he did, but he and I have been in our little cocoon for a long time dealing with our personal lives getting through it together so I know he wouldn't lie saying he didn't.Last weekend, he was coming up to hang out with me. On his way up, he went to a strip bar. I knew he was there and I joked around with him saying I hope he doesn't get with anyone there. He was laughing at my crude jokes. Then he ended up getting a motel. I thought he was by himself but it turns out he went there and brought a stripper back and hooked up with her.When he first told me, I cried a little because I didn't need to hear something like that with all the bad things happening this week, but then later on like now, I'm sitting here actually not bothered by it. The only thing bothering me now is that I told him I'm not getting with him until he gets tested. If that stripper got with him in the first night she met him lord knows who else has been inside that.We've been through a lot together, have dealt with shitty "friends" and I don't want to end a great friendship over a stupid mistake, he even called himself dumb and drunk when it happen. In a way, he must feel guilty and this must mean something right? If he wanted to tell me. I figure since we aren't technically together, he doesn't have to tell me anything.All I know is that if we were official or married and I found out about that, I would never forgive him. Since that isn't the case, I don't know how to react.I apologize for this being a long post. Thanks in advance for reading. How would you react if you were in my position?
I don't know how to react.
Welcome to A2A, falling.I can't help thinking you are trying to have your cake and eat it too. You want the relationship to be unofficial enough that you are not committed, that he is just a close friend. But you are unhappy when he acts as if he is not committed, as if he were just a close friend.
Thanks for the response ineligible. I guess I used to want to be with him but it got to the point where we've been unofficial for so long I don't care anymore. I thought I had a mutual understanding with him that if we don't do things with anyone else we don't have to use protection if we were the only people getting with each other. Now I know he's gotten with others, I don't think I'll be getting with him. I'm glad I found out before the next time I saw him. I don't really like sharing f buddies even if it's just that. It's more mainly for safety reasons. I just don't see why people need so many f buddies if they already have one. Then again, I've been stressed lately with personal things and haven't been in the mood for any of it. I can see why he did it, but he's lucky it was unofficial because if he was actually my bf and did that, I would not forgive him so easily.