Whenever I get horny, or am in the middle of masterbating, I have weird urges to do things that I would normally find disgusting. Such as fingering my anus, sucking myself(Im very flexible so I think I could), or consuming my own semen. It would comfort me greatly if I knew other people do this, or have the urge to do this as I do. It normally wouldn't bother me but I occasionly do these things and I feel very nasty and ashamed for the next couple days.
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Freaky when horny
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Welcome to A2A, Leyroy.What you describe is not uncommon. It almost seems like the brain stops working when you are in the middle of a sexual ecstasy. People frequently do what their better judgement (the next morning) tells them that they shouldn't have.You are not alone. Don't let it bother you.
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Welcome to A2A, Leroyjenkins! I agree completely with readytogo.
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You're not freaky. I would say you are very normal. Touching the anus is pleasurable. Why wouldn't you want to do it? As for eating your semen, I think a fair number of guys want to do this, but lose the desire once ejaculation occurs. However, I don't see anything wrong with it. I've tried mine. I kind of felt it my duty as a guy to see what it tasted like. Salty and non-descript is the answer. And if I could suck my own penis, I'd be down there constantly. Which is probably why God made it impossible for most of us to self-suck -- or no work would ever get done! Bottom line, relax.
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@Diamondblues I know this is an old topic. it came up for me on a google search of approximately this subject area. Im not sure the original asker will be aware Im responding however this question is perennial. Its existed for as long as forums on this topic go back (Ive participated in self cum thirst discussions since around 1999). Even still it feels brave to be opening the subject up. It's so delicately woven into the already fragile male psyche.
Experiencing receiving your own semen goes beyond an experience of flavor. It requires emotional surrender to the point where you can receive the essence of yourself. This is about nothing more, or less, than complete self communion. You are learning to give, to receive, and to exchange with yourself.
Self thirst is a profound experience in the prejaculatory space, with the body holding semen and the emotional wave yet to crest. Thats plenty of energy to contain, and it spins the psyche into a molten and self honest state. And in that space your self thirst will feel especially beautiful. That alone is profound. Pause when you're there and be with your self thirst. Your thirst contains your love for yourself. If you say the words, it will be easier to experience: 'my self thirst is my self love'.
Say that over and over (you will probably orgasm and spurt). Now, its known throughout our part of the galaxy that the drop in libido after climax leads many men to not want their semen, to be repulsed by it, and as Diamond has said, even to be ashamed for days. (How do you feel when someone else drinks up your goo?)
There are two hemispheres to the psyche: one that thirsts and loves, and the other that's shameful and repulsed. They live with one another. Which you aspire to be determines who you become. The process also includes integrating the repulsion/shame side with the love/thirst side.
Imagine all the times that you let yourself thirst wildly. Then you produced your semen and did not fulfill your thirst. Just because you might lose awareness of your thirst does not make it go away. Indeed it gets stronger with each passing experience.
Imagine that the shameful/repulsed side of your psyche is really just thirsty and yearning for love. When you give yourself your semen, you are fulfilling your need for your self love. That's why you'll eventually learn how to be thirsty when you have your semen; to experience self love in the presence of your semen.
I suggest you try two things, if you would consider them. One is to arrange with a female friend to accompany you as you strip, be horny, masturbate, and thirst. Let her help you cross over the little gap in yourself. It's best if she's dressed for this, so you experience her as something other than directly sexual: you want her as a loving presence, to help you sustain your self love. I learned to receive and swallow my semen in the presence of women. It's still a deeply pleasurable ritual for me. I explore the mantra, 'my self thirst is my self love', in the presence of love.
Second is, a mirror: one of those 99 cent ones at the dime store. A small hand mirror, shaving mirror, whatever. This is going to become your cum platter. Bring yourself off and if you don't want to swallow, leave your semen on the mirror. (Keep it away from cats, dogs, kids, etc.). Then when you are horny again, take out the mirror and contemplate it. Experience the beauty of the ejaculation you left there, and lick some of yourself.
The mirror is your meeting place, between self who thirsts, and self who offers semen. You might ejaculate onto the mirror repeatedly until you catch the crest of the wave and start licking yourself back in. You will get very, very horny doing this. And you will love it as your cum bursts into your mouth in emotional release. You can lick your hand and masturbate with a slick mix of old semen and spit, Massage your cum into your cock. Semen is the best lube.
If this seems a little gross, get into that fact and explore. Here's where your shame melts down to something pliable, where you can stretch and open up. When that fresh semen goes onto the mirror, you'll be in a pretty hot mood to lick it up, whether youre alone or with a friend.
Honesty is deeply erotic in this state, so open up and say what you need to say to yourself. And remember, your self thirst is your self love. So, thirst, and lure yourself into love, and thirst some more and love easily. Nourishing yourself is so beautiful.
