Hey everyone, I know I posted under the depression forum about this but I thought I should speak about this issue in greater detail. I'm 27 years old, single, and have not had much relationship experience. A long story short, I've wanted to date since I was in high school and was rejected & ridiculed by several girls over the years. I didn't have my first kiss till I was 24, didn't date, hold hands or cuddle with a girl till I was 25 and didn't lose my virginity till 26. I know I'm a "late bloomer", that goes without a doubt of saying. I've only dated two girls in my life, the first lasting only about a month and the second being barely two months. I'm not a bad looking guy by any means, have been told I'm attractive but the thing is I look quite a bit younger than my age. I get mistaken for being anywhere from about 16 to 20 or so. I'm tall (6'2") but have a fairly thin built, I only weigh about (145 lbs). I suffer from depression & anxiety and have digestive problems; everything I eat goes right through me. Perhaps that's why I can't gain much weight. I'm a very friendly guy, often get referred to as "the nice guy" by a lot of girls. I enjoy several indoor & outdoor activities as most people do and have tried online dating for three years now but still have not had much luck with that. Also, another thing I should add is that uhh...I STILL live at home. This is one of the reasons that is contributing to my severe depression & anxiety. I mean...how does a 27-year-old man date when he STILL lives at home? This really affects my confidence greatly but am trying my best to get the hell out. I'm only living at home due to financial reasons and because my current job is near my home town. As soon as I find a decent job in my field in another town...then I'll finally be able to move out! First of all: Would any woman ever consider dating a man in his late twenties who STILL lives at home? Would it raise some red flags? By the way, I have lived on my own before...three times to be exact but had to move home a year ago due to financial/employment reasons and have been here ever since. This whole situation really gets to me being that most of my peers, family members, you name it are settling down, getting married, having kids, in a long-term relationship or at the very least dating someone. I mean is it too much to ask for to be 27 years old and I just want to be able to take a girl out on a date? There are several people over a decade younger than me who are dating. I feel so pathetic and so far behind where I should be in life. How does someone on their late twenties date now a days? How can I get the opportunity to even take a girl out on a date? I'm not desperate by any means, I'm looking for the right girl, I just want to have the opportunity to date, get to know someone and perhaps be together long-term. Someone please tell me how I can get the hell out of this rut and back into the game! I mean another Christmas & New Years alone and STILL living at home??? I'm going CRAZY!!! Any suggestions would be most helpful. Thanks a lot!
STILL struggling to date in late twenties :(
Hi Lonelyguy. One thing that struck me straight away was "As soon as I find a decent job in my field in another town...then I'll finally be able to move out!". I can understand that your current job may be too low-paying or uncertain to enable you to move out immediately, but though I can see that you may well want to move to another town away from your mother, it's still possible to move out even if you work in the same town - and I would consider it very desirable as soon as it is possible. A house shared between several people, each with a bedroom, is usually the cheapest option, and avoids the loneliness of living entirely by yourself.
It's important to get to places where you can meet many different real-life girls. That might be parties, your job, sports activities, hobbies, church . . . you might want to take up new activities that will broaden your opportunities.
And don't be afraid to ask girls to things. Anything you do as a pair can be counted as a date. If you hang around but don't ask a girl out, she'll mentally classify you as a 'nice guy friend'.
Quote:If you hang around but don't ask a girl out, she'll mentally classify you as a 'nice guy friend'.
Watch out for that 'friend' label. Let her know you want more than that.
Hey, thanks for the replies. I've definitely considered moving out on my own for a while now. The thing is there really are no decent places to rent in this town. It's a small retirement community, about three quarters of the towns population are over the age of 65. The only places to rent are above old buildings downtown that are poorly renovated and are basically dives. They charge way too much for these types of apartments and would be very depressing to live there anyway. I've recently looked into see if there are any vacant apartments but unfortunately there are none :frowning: The other dilemma I'm in which I might not have mentioned in the original post is that I'm currently on a leave of absence due to severe depression & anxiety/other help problems I've been experiencing mainly due to my current living situation as well as my job. I've been seeking a suitable job in my field for months now and STILL haven't found anything. This is the main cause of my depression & anxiety which is a whole other story. Basically I feel trapped until I find a suitable job to make it on my own, otherwise I'll be stuck like this for long, long time :frowning: I'm going to try to take up a leisure activity to meet new people and perhaps even make some friends, maybe even a girlfriend :smile: The problem is my anxiety has gotten so bad I have to gasp for my breath every few minutes or so and my hands have been trembling for a while and get really nervous all the time. It's so difficult to go through all of this. Right now, I have been living back at home for over a year now, feeling alone & isolated, and do not have even one friend I can call up to go out for even a cup of coffee with. Everyone I try to get in contact with seem to have their own lives, either living really far away, busy with their significant others, their husbands & wives as well as their kids. It seems like everybody I know has settled down and are living normal adult lives except for me. In regards to dating, I always try to let girls know I'm interested but they still feel that we're nothing more than friends. I've even dated a girl (not for long) who soon after going out wasn't attracted to me anymore and only seen me as a "friend". She said I'm a "nice guy" but do not seem to challenge or excite her. I mean I shouldn't have to change who I am just to get others approval. I just feel so unbelievably worthless, inadequate & pathetic as a person and see myself as a complete failure at everything. I mean, I'm 27, STILL don't know where the hell my career or life is headed, STILL struggling to even get a date and STILL live at home :frowning: I seen my family doctor about a month ago and told him I needed a referral to speak with a counsellor & psychiatrist right away. He said he was going to send it out immediately as he knows this is an urgent matter. A month has passed by and STILL don't have a referral and really need to speak with someone ASAP. I wish our healthcare system was a lot better when it comes to someone's mental health. It's such a struggle for me everyday now, even just to get out of bed most days :frowning:
That is very tough. Call your doctor and remind him about the referral - he presumably forgot and needs reminding. There won't be any additional fee.
I do see now why moving out of town is so important, though you need to get your anxiety better treated first, I think.
By the way, don't despise dives. They seem depressing at first but after a while you hardly notice the stained and peeling walls and all the rest - you just get used to it all and it becomes home. Our first house was like that.
I feel your pain and empathize with you. After my divorce, I found that I was unable to to work full time, go to school full time, and take of my son full time, so inevitably and reluctantly, i moved back in with my folks. What makes the arrangement difficult for me is that although i have my own space, women don't typically want to be involved with a man that lives with his parents bc they dont want to get to know them while they are still getting to know you. HOWEVER, there are exceptions and i have been lucky to find a few. I have found that more than having a place of your own, there are a few requirements that you will need to meet in order to catch the "fairer" sex
- Have a job 2. Have a car
- Have a goal 4. Have manners
- Have good hygiene 6. Show confidence
- Show drive 8. Show the want for change
These are the main aspects of a "good catch". Maybe you have had some tough breaks and you just need something good in your life. But don't go marrying the first girl that gives you a chance... thats how you get screwed... and not the way you want. Don't let the woman walk all over you, but don't be a complete ass either. respect her but respect YOURSELF first. Get your motivation/confidence/ambition before getting your woman. it will only make your life easier in the long run.
Learn to become honest with yourself. The more honest you are the more accepting others will be.
Hey are you me in the guy form lonelyguy? I've had similar experiences as you, too. I keep getting hit on all the time, every single day but yet, I'm still single it baffles me. Then again I know most of the guys hitting on me only want one thing so I didn't really miss out I guess. How I cope with it is I see a lot of people in relationships and tied down to someone who is all wrong for them and then I'm not really missing out, either.
I'm also 27-years-old. They too as well ridiculed me in high school just because I didn't dress a certain way back then. I've only had two real relationships also. My longest one was two and a half months and that was my boyfriend I dated back in 10th grade. I had another boyfriend in college for only a month and that was my senior year in college. He is married now with a kid and I was his first girlfriend.
I got my first kiss in 10th grade but it wasn't even to a boyfriend. I also lost my virginity when I was 21 and was also not to a boyfriend. Everyone keeps telling me how smart and beautiful I am but I guess not enough to be treated with respect. I think it's the guys in my area that I'm too good for.
You really have to look abroad that's my problem. I live with a bunch of losers who are still stuck in the past because they peaked in high school and those are their only good times.
I also didn't move out of the house until I was 25/26-years-old. I'm struggling as well to find a decent paying job in my area. I don't even know where my next month's rent is going to come from. I'm short this month and my account is about to bounce. Don't move out until you have a good paying job otherwise you'll be severely struggling like me.
My car broke down and I've been without a car for two years now. I haven't been able to save up for a new car because I keep on getting let go from factory jobs since those are all the jobs that are around and it's really taking its toll on me that the reason I even leave jobs isn't for work performance. I'm mistreated at work and don't want to work for a bunch of tyrants so I leave. The paycheck really isn't worth it to me if people at work make me miserable every day.
I haven't been able to find a job in my area so I started my own business so at least I can use skills that I have for something. Do you do anything that you can start your own business with?
My ex is 28-years-old and he still lives at home and he's still single. He's not even trying to move out, though. If you're really trying, they'll see that. I keep thinking about how nice it would be if I could still live at home and not have to pay rent, but having this freedom is so great for me. I still have to live by their rules even if I am at home and nearing thirty and it's not worth it staying at home for me.
Have seen a lot of guys in late 20's struggling to find dates, however if you don't go out better try online dating sites, this will help you to gain some confidence and even get you dates, well there are many such dating sites which gives matchmaking services. I personally liked Millionaire Matchmaker as this site links you to millionaires around you and your area. Try it out and find your Millionaire Match .