Hi, I'm new to this site, although my boyfriend has posted here before. Anyway, I recently learned some disturbing news about a couple friend of me and my boyfriend's and I'm in desperate need of advice as to how I should deal with this situation... Our so called "friends" have been fantasizing about having sex with me and boyfriend both individually and together. I'll start from the beginning: My boyfriend Mark and I are friends with another couple David and Sarah (arbitrary names to make this simpler).I've known for some time now that my David has been texting my bf Mark about relationship stuff as well as normal guy stuff etc. I knew Mark was deleting messages because David had asked them to keep these relationship issues between them. It bothered me a little because we usually have a very open, honest relationship with each other and I don't like secretes between us. But I asked Mark if the conversations ever had anything to do with me or our relationship and he said no so I was ok with it. I just assumed it was normal relationship issues, guy talk etc. But then the other night we somehow got onto the conversation about these texts and Marks starts saying that they actually do have to do with me and us and that the reason he didn't tell me before was because he didn't want to hurt my friendship with Sarah. I ask him to tell me what he means, what he knows, and he proceeds to tell me that David told him in texts that him and Sarah thought about having a 3-some and 4-some with us. He kept going on into detail saying that Sarah fantasized about having sex with me and also pretending her bf was my bf while David was fucking her. So.. pretty hard to stay friends after hearing all this! Don't get me wrong I have no problem with LGBT people or 3-some or even swinging if you're into that, but it must be consensual. You go on a chat website, forum, craigslist, bar etc. and meet people that are looking for the same thing. Although I'm not religious, I have more conservative views when it comes to the bedroom and I would NEVER do ANYTHING with anyone but my loving boyfriend. We never gave any indication we were interested in something like that, and I just feel disgusted and violated that they would think about us like that and frankly furious that my closest friends is thinking about having sex with my boyrfriend when her and her bf have sex!!! So Internet, what do you suggest I do about this? Options I've considered:1) Ignoring it, pretending like I don't know - problem with this is I don't like the idea that they would KEEP thinking about us and I can't forget this, I feel truly wronged by their actions. 2) Confront them about this with my bf, yell in there faces, tell them how sick and perverted they are, that we will never be friends again.. maybe even sock one or both of them in the face...3) There is a possibility that David made all this up, although I don't know why he would. So I could confront Sarah with this to find out first if it's true. If it's true well, sayonara ex-friend. If it's a lie, then try to convince her to leave this fucking creep. (My bf and I never really liked him, although we both just kept out of their affairs before because it wasn't our business, but Mark also told me some other things that David told him that show their relationship is not at all healthy). The other side of this is, my boyfriend has known about this for months and kept it from me. Con Boyfriend:-He looked me in the eye and lied to me when I asked if it had anything to do with me or us. And I don't know if I can ever trust him again. I really should just leave him, and he told me so himself. -What's more is that when David first starting texting Mark about this stuff, instead of telling hime outright "we're not interested, we would never do that, don't think about my girlfriend, tell your gf to stop thinking about me, I don't keep secretes like this from my gf" etc. he just tried to ignore it or brush it off by saying that I wouldn't be interested in it, instead of sticking up for his girlfriend, our relationship, and what he believes in. This really hurts me and upsets me aswell. He lied, kept secretes, and didn't defend us. -If he had come to me right away with this, I would have said exactly those things and this never would have continued on as it apparently has for months without me knowing... ugh. So? Lose friends: check. (unless someone can see a solution out of this???)Lose Boyfriend: ???? Pro Boyfriend:-he did eventually tell me-he says he did it to protect my friendship with Sarah (at the expense of our relationship mind you)-he felt horrible about it (crying, appologizing, telling me I should really break up with him, I deserve better etc.)-He says he doesn't want to sweep it under the rug anymore-we really do love each other, and I've never worried about him cheating on me... although after this I'm not sure.. how can I ever trust him again? So there it is. If anyone has any suggestions or comments at all I'd really appreciate it as I'm at a complete loss as to where to go from here... Thanks a lot
Advice for an unusual predicament...?
You have me a little confused. Your profile lists you as male. Are you just using your boy friend's account?However, the number one rule is that if you don't feel comfortable with a situation, walk away. You can't (and shouldn't try to) control your boy friend.That said, it doesn't mean that the two of you should not talk this through. It could very well be that the truth is that he was protecting not Sarah, but you. He clearly understood you well enough to know that you would not be comfortable with David's suggestions, and maybe just hoped that David would get the message and just go away.Just whose idea this was you may never know, and maybe you don't want to know. But I would sit down with Sarah and with your boyfriend (separately, of course) and make your thoughts known. Just be prepared that Sarah may be surprised too.
Hi readytogo, thanks for your response.
Yes I'm using my boyfriend's account, his suggestion, sorry I thought that would be obvious.
We have talked it over, had a long conversation after he told me all this, but I needed to talk to someone else to, think it over on my own. You're right, he told me that he didn't want to hurt my friendship with Sarah (for me) but also that he knew I would be angry for him keeping this from me (his reasons for keeping it from me). He also hoped David would just take a hint and stop... I think Mark wanted to keep his friendship with David as well...
I also know him well enough to know though that HE would not be comfortable with David's suggestion either so it's a bit frustrating/disappointing that he couldn't just say this to David as I think that would have ended things much quicker...
But anyway, your suggestion is that I confront Sarah alone about this, express how I feel, and.. see what happens from there I guess.
This gave me a thought though, of how to confront this issue with David and Sarah and (hopefully) mend our relationship too:
if Mark also told David how he feels. Of course this has to be something he wants to do, and not something I force on him, as you said...
Everyone makes mistakes, I just wish I knew if this behaviour was one time poor judgement or a continuing trend :frowning:
Any other opinions/advice would be much appreciated.
Realize that your talk with Sarah may very well end a relationship--Sarah with you or Sarah with her boyfriend. Be sure that is a road you want to travel before you start down it.Mark may have felt that he was in a lose-lose situation and he didn't see a way out of it. He didn't want to put you in a situation that he knew you would not want and he didn't want to lose David's friendship. So he made a decision to do nothing. In retrospect it was probably not his best one. Sort of like an ostrich sicking his head in the sand when danger surrounds it.