I'm a 56 years old, and my wife left me about a year and a half ago. I have a 19 year old daughter who lives with me. Anyway, I met a wonderful woman and I'm dating her. My daughter seems to have a problem with this and I have a problem with her having a problem with me dating. This is my first time dating as a parent.Yesterday she asked me if I was having sex with my new girlfriend and she had an angry tone when she asked that. I got mad at her for asking that, so I told her that's none of her damn business!I never asked her if she was having sex so I would at least like to have the same courtesy out of her!Then she told me she wasn't happy about me dating. She was jealous about it! What does she have to be jealous about?! I'm her father! If she found someone I would be very happy for her that she did find someone but I certainly wouldn't be jealous about it!Who I date is a decision my daughter doesn't get to make. How do I deal effectively with this situation?
I need help with my teen daughter and dating!
Welcome to A2A, KJKI57226.I think there can be two factors here.1. Children often dislike the idea of their parents seeing someone else, even when they intellectually understand that the marriage has broken down irretrievably. Perhaps emotionally they are still hoping to get back to the way things were. Each step further with someone else is a step further from that ideal. 2. The daughter-father relationship is often difficult in the teens, especially late teens, anyway. There is often a stage at which daughters push their fathers away emotionally; they empathise with their mothers and see the father almost as an alien.Putting the two together, your daughter may well emotionally feel that your having sex with your girlfriend is betraying her mother, no matter what her rational mind thinks.If so, dealing with it won't be easy. You'll want to be as discreet as possible, but she will have to learn that she has to come to terms with it.
Sorry to hear about your wife. Glad to see that you found someone new.
One of the hardest (and best) things a teenager should realize is that their parents are just people trying to do what's best.
Divorce is hardest on the children because it's not often a decision they get to make, but rather one they have to live with. Your daughter probably feels afraid that she's no longer going to be high on your priorities but just doesn't know how to tell you - hence bugging you about sex.
A lot of father-daughter time, explaining to her the situation between you and her mom, and reassurance that she'll never be on the back burner would be a great start in my opinion. Good luck!
Hey KJK,I read your post and had to chuckle a little, I surely remember those days. I was a single dad for most the the kids lives. My wife left us when my daughter was 16 months and my son was 8. She felt her boss could provide her with the lavish lifestyle she so desperately wanted to be living at the time. But back to your question and situation. It seemed that when my daughter turned 17 someone, somewhere flipped on her internal "Insta-Bitch" switch. Gosh for about 5 years moving forward she was a bitch pretty much all the time. We fought like cats and dogs. sometimes they were loud screaming arguments. I give you kudos for standing up to her and telling her it was none of her business. I told my daughter that exact same thing. I was the adult. I was the Parent. She was the kid. I paid the bills, it was my house and she didn't have any right asking those questions because it was none of her business... When kids are at the age, their too old to be kids yet still too young to be called and treated like an adult so its a real gray area for them, and us. Respect is earned not just given to someone, in my book, especially teenagers. I remember telling my daughter that even though she was almost an adult, I was still her Dad, and it didn't give her the right to be rude and disrespect me or for her to even question what I was doing unless she felt that what I was doing was endangering her or her brother’s lives. A parent’s job is to teach our children how to be an adult with a level head and prepare them for the real world. But for her to ask me who I was seeing... That was over the line and was none of their business and it wasn’t open for discussion. Although, thinking back on it, I did have a house rule that kids couldn't bring another kid of the opposite sex, come over for a sleep over and I felt it was equally right for me not to invite anyone over unless I knew for sure the kids would not going to be home. It helped to keep a common ground in our house and we didn’t have any awkward moments or scenes to deal with. Kids at that age are still trying figure out who they are and often try to push the envelope. But as a parent, I always tried allowed them to try pushing and always gave them the opportunity to do it, but more times than not I over ruled their plans or their way of thinking because they usually didn’t think it all the way through. I always explained to them why I overruled them, with hope to teach them to think about the whole picture and try to make a logical decision rather than an emotional one. We got through those tough times. Both of my kids have grown up to be pretty good adults. I’m very proud of them. Always remember to allow them to grow and learn but that here has to be some ground rules that the whole house has to follow. If you’re bringing her home for the night then I suggest you think about changing that and set the common house rules for everyone to follow and then find the time for the personal side of your relationship with the person you’re dating. The people you are dating have to know, respect and understand that your family’s needs (The Kids) ALWAY come before anything else. I’ve also earned that explaining myself to them about my decisions and why I believe that my decision is the best one, allows them to understand my thought process and if they can prove to me that their way is better then I would allow them to change my mind. That’s how they grow and learn to be better at their thought process. Good luck and feel free to reach out if you have anymore questions or need some parent to parent advice.
I've worked on the father-daughter time and reassurance that she'll never be on the back burner. That has gone a long way in fixing her attitude about me dating. Thanks.