The love of my life has left me. We've been together for 4 years up until now. She broke up and left the state. We're from NY. We left everything/everyone we know and moved to Delaware from NY for career opportunities and personal growth. She landed a job in Maryland and I moved with her to support her career, and grabbed me a job of equal distance in the opposite direction (Pennsylvania). We meet in DE. The transition (life-style) has been a bit rough, we've been into 2 vehicle accidents in 1 year so far since we've been down here. Since the accidents our sexual activity withered to dust (partially due to injury)..Right before Valentines we had a huge fight at our no-communication since the accidents. I was hostile and self-destructive, but I never put my hands on her and tried not to be any verbally abusive to her during our argument. But we seemed to have had an ok time on Valentine's so I thought it was behind us but she's been holding on to that fight and our frustrations from the accident ever since.From poor work conditions and pay from the job she moved for, she told me she wanted to move out back to NY by August.. Now we signed a lease until next April.. I felt as though she also wanted space between us, mainly out of the fact that she hasn't opened up to me since the car accidents.. And out of anger and frustration (like the man I am), I made the mistake of telling her that I wanted to break up with her, that I am breaking up with her. I said it because I don't know what to do anymore, I can't get her to open up and tell me the things that are wrong: with me, with her, with us. She moved out at the beginning of August. I took on the payments of this apartment voluntarily.. As of the 19th, we initiated 3 wks no contact. She JUST broke the seal, and told me she missed talking to me. I, like a poor sap, started flooding her with the 3wks of catchup, activities that keep me busy (from thinking about her). But now that she's with all her friends, I'm sure they'll support any choices she proposes to them that she makes (like a REBOUND).. I feel as though she could be initiating a rebound now, but at the same time she's told some of my friends how bad she feels about everything, and she's told me she wants to see me when I come up to NY in two weeks.. I myself haven't entertained the idea of rebounding because I'm wondering if we still have a chance. I'm not into the idea of 'spoiling' myself out of desperation; I feel she would be repulsed if I slept around just to get over her. I think I would be too, if I found out she's doing that. I don't think I can handle the idea of someone else in my place, making her happy as I once did-- after she stopped letting me make her happy. Now, I'm trying not to flood her with all this communication since we're meeting up in 2 weeks, I want to make sure that we have stuff to talk about, besides and where went wrong. But I can't get the idea out of my head that she's playing the field again. We do have a shared circle of friends so the ones that are cool with me do tell me she's scoring a couple of phone numbers, meeting new people, etc.. She hasn't been there in 4 years and she's mentioned that she hasn't been single in so long so she forgot what it's like and that at some point she might try men completely different than me, from looks to size to persona. What do I do?
Oh, the break-up... Contact, no contact, what...
So I told her this morning that re-initiating this contact is messing with my head.. and that I need more time and space otherwise my self-progress could stop out of desperation (not word for word), and cancelled our meet-up..
I figured I'd let myself to assume the worse with my suspicions of her rebounding, and do it myself. I don't want to do it, really, but then again.. kids don't wanna eat their veggies..
I just don't like how freedom of choice, and the reactions it brings, can so easily affect the outcome of me having her back, her choices and my own..
79 views of your post and still no reply. Perhaps that's because everyone else is conflicted as I am. I have started several times to send a reply and each time decided that it wasn't appropriate.
You certainly have a dilemma. I wish that I had a magic answer, but I don't. You call her the love of your life, have been with her for 4 years, moved away from friends and family, been through auto accidents which have put a severe damper on your sex life. That's a fair amount for any relationship to endure.
Now something has happened which is causing you to rethink the investment you have made in each other, even to the point of thinking about cheating on her. What will that accomplish other than to put a further strain on your relationship? Will it make you feel better to "punish" her? I hear that you're conflicted about her seeing others, but that's a normal guy think. We're possessive.
I hear that her job is not fulfilling for her. I don't know the east coast, and I haven't got the distance thing down, but isn't it possible for her to find another job in an area where you are--whether that be DE or even PA?
If she means as much as she appears to, and if it were me, I'd swallow my pride, call her, and eat a little crow. See if you can't get together to at least talk and allow you to assess whether there is more involved than you realize.
Some relationships can't be salvaged--and for some it's better than they are not--but one thing is certain. If you don't try, you have no chance to succeed. It sounds like she might be interested. Are you?
She's a fine artist. Art jobs came few and far between, which is why we relocated to DE for a job with better pay. But she ended up not getting the health benefits and then the bills went up and we were pretty much back at square one - why we left NY in the first place.
Well she was breaking down and I snapped in the middle of it.. I lashed out instead of be there and listen to her. I broke down mentally immediately after she did, I guess it wisened her up.
Now, I never thought of cheating on her. Do girls consider their ex's rebounding a cheat?
She's already moved back to NY and settled in, and just now a job opening came up in PA which she's going to pass up since she just left.
I should've swallowed my pride before she left..
My apologies. I misread your comments about rebounding and sleeping around.
Do you think that moving on is your only option?
I don't want to move on, and I don't want to think that.
What is it that you realistically think you want?
I want her to quit this pouting over the nonsense we BOTH created for this relationship, look past it just as I am doing, and try again-- at a slower pace. It's not like we can undo the 300 miles we've created for ourselves right now, I'd like to start where we are, use what we have and do what we can. Her sister is in a similar position, having moved 300 miles from her own boyfriend-- been together the same amount of time, and fought just as much as we did, BUT they're still together, still trying to make it work.
She's in rebound phase and I have to respect that. But during this time, I don't know what her intentions are: to let off some physical steam before she gets back to me, or to forget me entirely and start anew.. I'm currently left with "...", waiting for a response that she won't readily give, or give at all.
Right now I'm accepting the situation for what it is, and am taking the steps to bring myself to rebound phase as well, moving out of the attachment.
I have to draw the line between determination and desperation and I don't want to look pathetic in her eyes. What's to be truly mine will be, and what isn't -- no matter how hard I try, never will. Only to some degree can I affect change, and a fraction of that degree is in the direction I hoped, the rest is in the direction of circumstance, and all of it is coincidence. If I continue to look at this with hope and wishful thinking, I could be reeling for huge disappointment. However, if I look at it with the worst assumption, the result won't be as disappointing if I'm right, and will be a great surprise if I'm wrong..
OK, you've made some healthy points. It is true that there are some things that you can't control. You can attempt to influence them, but in the end you really have no control over them.
It does sound as if you've done what you can, and the ball's in her court. I agree that you don't want to push too much to the point of overdoing it, but if there some special day coming up (birthday, anniversary of something, maybe something you find here: funny holidays in 2013 ) you might be able to tickle her fancy.
Did you see my PM?
Just wanted to jump in here. Sorry to hear about the accidents and breakup. Sounds like you've had it rough these few months.
You mention not wanting to look desperate in her eyes and I think that's a really strong point.
I think that it's equally (if not more important) to attract her back versus pursuing her. Focusing on building yourself up to a point where you feel that you deserve her can be really powerful.
It'll be rare for me to be able to cross paths with her now that we're separated by 300 miles, and technically broken up. So I fear that she's simply moving on instead of considering what she has as a rebound. But she could also be using this rebound as a way to rehearse herself back into the real dating game and meet someone else completely different than me or Mr. Rebound. Either way, I'm not in the picture. That, I can't handle.
So I've begun writing a farewell letter and kind of detoxed myself from the relationship, preparing myself for the possibility that she may never come back. 4 pages turned to 8.. I'm still rewriting and rewriting.. I wanted to leave it at her door when I'm in Albany this weekend, but I think driving to her place may be create issues for me regardless of whether or not she'll be there (she's on her way to Michigan now)..
Like, if she is there then she lied to me to get out of meeting with me. If she isn't, I'll feel weird going by her place when she's not there, like some stalker dude.. If someone else is there I don't want them reading my letter, or just throwing it out because they think "that's best for her" or something.. I'm exploring the option of emailing it, or mailing it..
If I can't have her in my life the way I wanted her, then I can't have her in my life at all. It's too toxic for me.
Will be posting updates soon.. I should turn this into a screenplay
This post is deleted!
hope this is good news!!
hoping for a happy ending, or at least a sequel
It`s really a good news for you to know about this. And I have the similar experience with you, my girl-friend had left me after she know that I had been diagnosed with herpes (HSV-2). Just let her do this, we should be positive and live a happier life than ever. Nowadays, I am planing to start dating again to find a partner who understands my problems and share the same feelings with me. Online dating platform is really a good place to meet matches. I am going to choose one to join from those HSV dating websites. Also, good luck for you!
It was good to hear from you people, I find it very odd how people change when they find out you are having problems either health or personal. I had a similar experience with my fiancee and right now I am going through the first phase of breakup which is grief, I am consoling myself and I would very much want to start dating a person who can understand & accept me. (link removed by readytogo--no links to dating sites allowed)
Wish me luck and hope you people the same... Ciao...
Getting diagnosed with Herpes can be the worst moment of your life. However, in order to safely and confidently date with genital herpes you should definitely know a few things. Herpes dating websites can help you deal with and overcome any issue which genital herpes might create in your dating life. So take a deep breath. And realize taking little steps every day will help you recover and heal from this experience. And I promise, you will find happiness again.
Love yourself for what you are, despite this bump in the road. You never know the love of your life could be a carrier as well, or may just accept you for who you are, and not what has happened to you. That's the only reason I'm on this herpes dating sites, the slight chance of potentially finding the one that understands me, and has gone through the same situation.
Let's be careful @Derekcutts, @michmoriss, @josh123, and @emmakill that we're not hijacking ibezchillin's original thread. @ibezchillin had no STI issues in his problem. While the end result (loss of a relationship) could be similar, we need to be careful not to steer discussion toward those caused by an STI, which was not ibezchillin's issue,
I can only say in here is Life is not a fairytale but you don't have to give up hope.