I have a question I have been asking myself for sometime now, firstly I am not the type of person that wants to "sleep around" with who ever they see, I only ever want one person in my life, obviously it probably wouldn't be the first person but I wouldn't get into a serious relationship unless I am sure that I find the right person, I am still young but this is how I feel and I am old enough to know this is what I want. So I was wondering how many other people are like this? I don't think I would get into a relationship with someone that has had a serious relationship before, I just feel like I couldn't do it I don't know if its trust or something all I know is that I wont, this probably sounds so stupid I feel like I will never meet someone, I'm not at all a loner or anything I find it easy talking to people but I have never had a girlfriend and only had feelings for one person, thought they liked me until I found out she already had someone this was rather annoying considering she was showing some signs she was interested in me, it was only after this I realised just how much I want a relationship, I feel like a total failure and I feel like there is no one for me, I doubt their is many people if not none other than we who only want one person for life, I guess I just need some advice or something, their is literally nothing on the internet about this so it was my last resort to post this.
One partner for life
Originally Posted By: I_Am_LegacyI don't think I would get into a relationship with someone that has had a serious relationship before
I'm not a counselor or relationship expert, but if you have that attitude, then you really won't find anyone. So you're saying that anyone who has been in a serious relationship is not worthy to be with you? So what happens if YOU are in a serious relationship and it ends up not working out. Are you spoiled goods?
If that happened then I would look for another relationship regardless of the other persons past relationships, I would be no better off than anyone else, I just feel like I'm not going to find someone, all anyone seems to care about is getting laid, and I am not like that.
You're talking about 2 different things.
You don't want simple hook-ups but meaningful relationships.. But to eliminate anyone who HAS been in a relationship is just plain foolish.
I'm not trying to put words into your mouth, but I'm wondering if what you are say is different from what you are thinking. Is it possible that what you are thinking is that you are only interested in a serious relationship. That said, you would want your partner to feel the same way. If he/she had been the serious partner in a relationship, prior to you, that didn't work out and if he/she was not the cause of the breakup (and how would you know?) what would be your position?
I wonder if there is a confidence issue here, and you don't feel you could bear comparison with someone else.
I have been making love to the same wonderful woman for 41 years. We married @ 19 & both of us had previous sexual partners, which helped us both realize that we were perfectly compatible sexually! She is not the most creative partner, but is eager to try anything that I can devise! The first time I entered her, it was a perfect fit! We each work to give the other as much pleasure as possible
Sex, of course isn't the only aspect of marriage, but let's face it, an adventuresome partner keeps the man coming back for more,& always at home.
I think you should be open to people who have been in long term relationships (if I understand your comment correctly), in that you never know who will steal your heart. By the same token, someone that has dated around could simply not have found their life partner yet, & maybe that partner is you.
I advise that you drop your list of criteria, except that the person should share your values.
Before I met my wife, I had been a relationship for two years. She, on the other hand, had not. She dated numerous guys once or twice each. Did that mean she was promiscuous? It could have, It did not. She had 2 previous partners, both of whom were typical "let me get my rocks off & the heck with you!" partners that were selfish college athletes. When we made love, it took all night, & SHE was the center of attention!
Focus on her needs, & you can expect that your needs will be met. I know there are exceptions to that statement, but isn't that what love is?
question 1. have you ever been in a relationship that hasn't ended in a break-up?
question 2. what is your goal for said relationship?
question 3. are you being honest with yourself?
I myself have tried the long-term marriage proposal and it failed. I have tried the short term flings, and don't like it. I like a relationship with substance, trust, and honesty. My current girlfriend and I have a semi serious relationship going with the understanding that it may not last forever. I heard something from a relationship counselor today that made perfect sense to me.
"The person that is right for you at 15, 20, 25, whatever, is right for you THEN. But they may not be right for you at 25, 30, 35, whatever, LATER ON. People change and grow/digress. If circumstances change and you are NOT growing TOGETHER, then how can you end up happy in the end?"
I couldn't agree more. We do not live in an age where marriage means the man runs the house and the woman cooks the food and the children stay quiet. No, we live in a society that allows individuals to explore and grow and optimize themselves in ways that have never been seen before in history. a relationship now is more like a business venture. "it's good for now, until it's not"
Learn to become honest with yourself. The more honest you are the more accepting others will be.