I don't know what it is about these forums, but I almost feel as if, by reading others, I can post practically anything and not be critized by others. It's about midnight right now and I have many things on my mind that I feel like telling someone. I would tell my parents, friends, or someone else but then I don' think I could because I know that tomorrow I still have to face them. Here I do not feel that way. Anyway, I've been having a lot of trouble lately. I often find my mind drifting towards thoughts of suicide. I know that it's okay to think about it just as long as I don't take any actions on it. I have a bad feeling because recently I have been thinking of ways to do it. The more I think about it the easier the idea is becoming. I wish I could stop thinking about it but I can't get it out of my head. Most of you who are reading this are probably asking, "Why does this kid feel so bad?" Well, I could say it's simply because I am diabetic and I feel like I was stripped of a true childhood. That may be a reason but I dont think it is the main reason. I recently moved to a new place and I have always been a shy kid. I don't know anyone here and in the back of my mind that is the way I like it. I guess my problem could be that I don't know what I honestly want. It seems as if half of my mind wants one think and the other half will not agree. On one hand I want friends, on the other I like being a loner. Another example is going back to suicide, I no the idea of acting apon it is bad but somewhere in my head I almost like the idea.Before I forgot, I am sorry that some of this may not make sense but I am just writing as thoughts come to my headSince it's getting late there is only one more thing I want to talk about. Dreams... Does anyone else get such vivid dreams that they could swear that they are real? I know I do. A few nights ago when I awoke at 3 AM I felt as if I was just thrown up out of my bed. It was like the bed was a rubberband and I was three feet beneath it. I shot straight up. In the dream I thought someone was on top of me holding me down. When I woke I would have bet $100 that I do not have that someone else was in my room. Another dream I get often is that someone gives me this silver ring and when I put it on it makes my entire arm feel like it weighs over 300lbs. That dream is extremly weird and I do not think I have managed to play the whole dream to its "end" without waking up. I heard somewhere if you get to the end of a nightmare it will not come back as often.Thank you for reading my ranting.
How old are you?I'm 15 and also diabetic, been diabetic for 5 or 6 years. Do you have an insulin pump?
Still searching ...
In reply to:I am just writing as thoughts come to my head* i do that typing and talking. i confuse people easly lol
I am 17 and I have been diabetic since I was 11. Yes I also have an insulin pump.