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Every now and then i feel like shit i dunno why i just do. I have no reason to well non that is happening right now in my life. I should be happy i have a great lil family and made a really good job step this week and all i seem to think about is not being here not being here would be so peace ful. Over the years i seem to have made friends and lost them just as quick no matter how nice i try to be in real life nobody every notices me half the time. I find most people who were my friends just used me for the things i had that they wanted. Why is most things in this world so FAKE fucking FAKNESS is the only thing i seem to see in my life people faking their friendship to me people faking the fact that they care for me when a matter of fact its BULLSHIT. i am sick of it really what the FUCK am i doing here still the only reason i have is my son and if he wasnt here then maybe by now i wouldnt no one would miss me or give a flying FUCK so whats the point in the whole thing this SHITTY life i so called have is perfetic and fake i dont know maybe its the fact that i aint had no meds(prozac) for a few days as i have been so busy i couldnt get the chemist on time. or is it just the facted that i am realising how shit life is and how much better off i and others would be if i wasnt here.Oh and me writting this isnt a oppatunity for you lot to tell me i SHOULDNT be trying for a baby if i feel like this ...cause we aint we have to get jasons meds and my health sorted out firstsorry for babbling i just cant talk to anyone else right now i dont care if knowone replys its just good to let it out....sorry

you know life is too painful right now maybe i should end the whole thing i FUCKING HATE THIS SHIT hwy do i feel this way i have NO FUCKING IDEA

i feel like it i admite i hadnt cut my self for 6months until yesterday i dunno why i think last time i scared my life and my finacee it was very bad i sem to cut my legs now cause its less easy to see but im scared hes bk soon and he will see it some how i know

i dont want to get help iot could ruin my career
and with my son and close family its the only main thing i have got

to live is like a box of unleased fear to die is like a field of fresh green grass and colorful flowers....If i die i know ill be forgotten if i lived i know ill be ignored which would you chose

I feel the same way about getting help.. I don't want to look like some mental fuck up.. even tho it seems i am.. I just can't get help.. Just hang in there...

i'm not understanding y u (anyone) don't want help. i know if it wasn't for here's the list lol, mom, dad, sara, ryand, paul and pete....yeah oops forgot my "nut nut" doc......i'd be dead or either sooooo freaking crazy i'd be in a mental place. now i'm s fuck ing pissed off.....y does this thing do this shit to me!!!! i had a freaking long post and hit a fucking smilie and it took just about all my fucking reply away and hell no fdo i feel like typing the shit out again GRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!Y FUCKING ME!!!!!stupid fing smilies go to HELL

as I keep saying... copy and paste from word or "works" then submit... you don't loose anything then!

u want another diver? diver ..i'll email them 2 u.

i do want help i really do its just i dont want it messing my career up .....i guess i have never been offerd any help before so i really am used to just dealing with it myself.

i understand y we can't. i can't because of my career, if i went,t hen my medical will sho the meds i would be put on, making them withdraw the offer at uni. it easier to suffer in silence or post on here. help may have helped you but i, and others, just can't. and its one thing talking about it on here, but another talking to a professional doc. my parents would also go ape.life is scary and sucks a hell of a lot, most of the time, but would be much worse addmitting to docs that I ill.And fluffy, we all here for you, we care for you, and will miss you if you were to go.

You all..everyone on this board really, when you think you have no one, remember, you have us. I don't know how significant that is to you, but we all care about you guys. Life isn't always a dream, that's why we're here, to help you through the nightmare's. We probably know more things about you than a lot of your friends know about you. We're here for you, always, no matter what you guys have friends..here..forever..

deadinside and winger that is proberly the nicest thing i have heard to words myself and others for a very long time. I guess your right you guys on here know me better than most people i know away from the computer...I just wish all these thoughts and feelings of inflicting pain onto myself would stop i hate it and i hate the thought of it but i still do it..the finacee aint seen my legs yet ive been hiding them but i know he will soon and he will be do disapoint or very very upset cause i havent done something like this for a while. Its like everyday i wake i have this horrible sicky feeling that something terrible will happen to me or that i shouldnt have worke up today cause i am not worth the air i breath i worry about nothing its like i feel nervouse but i dont know what the hell for iby lunch time i have ended up making myself feel so nervous about that day ahead that i have a really bad head ache and im tried. i have no idea why i am like this i want it to FUCKING stop NOWWWWWWWW

I'm only 15, but what works for me, is just think of the things that are the best in life. Remember that you were put on earth for a reason, and that no matter what, you belong here, and are loved by numerous people. Your someone unique, and special, and no matter what you need to stay around and bless everyone with your presence!

you know for a 15yr old your very mature and its kinda nice to beable to talk to someone like that for a change

and I'm always here to talk, shoot me a PM if you have to

thankyou ill keep it in mind but right now i best go put baby to bed hes the only thing that really takes my mind of things he comes first in everything right now ...thankyou winger

“…it easier to suffer in silence or post on here.” I agree with the suffer in silence part. But still I ‘m careful about what I post here. I’m scared that if I tell NO ONE will talk to me anymore. Actually since “some” know it was my sister that raped me a lot of people have stopped talking to me (now u know some) for what reason I don’t know. Yeah it is good to vent it out but I have been called a whiner sooooo much that I just try not to any more. And yeah, Fabmx I was called a attention getter too. My only advice there is the advice I was told. Fuck them. U know the truth and the people that matter most to me know the truth. I do my “whining “ and unloading on poor Diver and Ineligible. I just feel more commutable and really I don’t what people knowing how dirty I am. I’m trying not to be whinny or cocky, but I’m not stupid I know what people think.at least I think they think this.. They see me in the mall or whatever and either think nothing or think he’s got the life I wish I could have. Noooo they don’t! I don’t get what people see. I don’t even get y my gf likes me . Well (trying not to sound cocky here) I know it’s my looks. I just don’t see what she sees though. I under stand that you need ur work and education. I really do. Becuz of my depression and “fits” I’m back home schooling. But I also know that there are people that feel this inside and wan’t ask for help or anything. I was one. In a way I still am one. I would still be hidding if it wasn’t for some jerk posting that he wanted to be raped. Ok maybe I shouldn’t have called him a jerk. But too in I’m glade I did cuz if I hadn’t I wouldn’t have met Diver. Ok I’ll shut up now.

i ahte that to cr i would never stop talking to you or anyone else no matter what they have done or what has happend to them.

I came when I was 13, under the name pimpsta...it never fit so I changed to this one. Two years this month haha. I try to help when I can and used to all the time, but then friends found out about it and there was a fight..and well I feel like I can't exactly be completly open here anymore