Today I saw my therapist on the bus I was on, atleast I think I did!I could only see the back of her. But I recognised her because of the shoes she was wearing and her hair style - I'm sure it was her. When I was sat looking out the window I noticed she turned and looked at me a few times. I was too scared to look at her face, I was nervous. I knew it was her though. This dream I had this morning REALLY REALLY WAS QUITE A COINCIDENCE with today, oh my god. I was dreaming I met her again when I was doing something, not on a bus. And today I encountered her!The thing that makes me feel soo bad is that I never really cleared up my anxiety with her and I fell in love with her also. So you can understand my reasons for leaving and unfinished business. I thought I was over the love thing, but oh how I was wrong. Today proven it's still there and I have no clue why. I feel really bad because I didn't face her or say hi and she WAS SIGHING LOADS - I felt even worse - why was she sighing? I mean how ridiculous is that?When I was getting off at my stop I noticed the next time was my town center - where she worked, so must've been her. but the sighing really got me down, unusual behaviour. I really did something terrible.I told you my anxiety was quite bad, there you have it, I couldn't look at her and speak...I have been toying with the idea of seeing her again, to get through this properly. But is it worth seeing her or facing it on my own this time? I'm facing it on my own (well with you lot aswell :P) but it's really hard. Medication is what I have resorted to. I'd like to get my hands on some anti-depressants, I'll see how it goes.
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Oh my god!
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I feel it's probably not a good idea to try to see her again. Look how much one (possible) sighting has upset you.I don't know why she was sighing, but the chances are good it had nothing to do with you.
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I think the sighing was me not responding to her through the whole journey. I felt a wreck when I got in. I couldn't talk about it to my parents that's why I post here, you guys listen and give great advice, that I admire.
I noticed she was with another person on the bus who was sat opposite her. I guess this is her bf, as I seem to remember seeing an engagement ring on her finger when I last saw her. They weren't speaking to each other or anything, I suppose that was what the sighing was about? I'm sure it was her bf though, he was sat pretty close and as I walked in the bus both looked at me and looked at each other, I only saw this at the corner of my eye as I sat down.
It would seem to be a sad ending over a really big crush. I liked my first ending, it showed I was ready to go (in her view) and face my it own my own (for me), without her. Then yesterday I see her and extend the ending to an even worse one, I could actually move on from the other one, this one has got me depressed loads. I wish it didn't have to be this way :frowning: :frowning: :frowning:
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Well, I'm at home today. I've got a day off for study. I was thinking of going down to my town center and taking a stroll about, looking for her. Maybe I'll see her and I can explain.
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LOL, what am I thinking??!?!Second thought, I sound like I can't get over a crush and have a broken heart. I'm stupid. Me going down there and maybe seeing her won't mend things will it? Why am I pushing myself to these limits? I don't get it. Never before in my life have I been like this. Sure, I've been in love with people before, but not for this long and this severe. I cannot really explain it. Something within me, my soul perhaps, feels something about her - feels something really special, something really neat, unique and beautiful. I cannot describe the feeling I get when I think about her, when a song comes on that reminds me of her. I'm speechless really.God, I need to get over this. But the more I realise it's over, the more a tear is drawn to my eye and my heart aches. You know what I need? a nice puppy dog to cuddle for comfort, I need someone or something
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http://www.atu2.com/lyrics/lyrics.src?VID=9&SID=414Song dedicated to my feeling right now.
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I have heard about many patients becoming very attached to their therapist. Almost all of them, if not all of them, have to let go.I fell in love once, though it wasn't the same circumstances. Yet the feelings you describe match a lot of what I felt. I couldn't think right. My friends even told me I "wasn't Frank" for a while. I suppose that's just the way love goes. What I do realize is not everyone you fall in love with is meant to be.
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Over the last 3 days I've felt incredible. I don't really understand why, but my anxiety has been almost completely gone This happened to me before, which I made a thread about - didn't last as long as I hoped though.Anyway I started feeling good after having these very strange dreams. I was dreaming I was going to see my therapist (yes I know I am in love) to tell her what I've been up to. I wanted to tell her I was 'fine' and everything was 'ok' even though it clearly isn't. I was really happy. I climbed my way up the stairs in this building, made my way to this hall way and walked upto this room. Kids my age were stood outside, they seemed to know me, but I didn't know them. I asked 'is she in there?' and they replied: 'yeah she is'. I approached the door that was open inwards into the room and knocked. There she was sat there at a computer on some kind of program. She didn't respond to my knock so I walked over. 'Hi' I said. No response. She wouldn't look at me, she just gazed into the computer screen ignoring me. I was trying to get her attention by starting up conversation, but she didn't respond still. I then turned away with my head looking at the ground and slowly walked out. All I remember of that dream was leaving the building and people asking me 'how did it go?'The next dream I was walking around an old town I used to live in and was looking around in the shops. Then I made my way to the high street and I was walking past a group of beautiful women. One of them (the last one walking behind)caught my eye I glanced at her, she looked beautiful and just carried on walking. Then as that happened I realised it was her in differen't clothes with her hair up. And I remember saying to myself loudly as she was walking away: 'shit!'. I heard a giggle and didn't turn around and carried on walking. I remember entering a shop and thinking 'why didn't I go and chat to her?'. The gut feeling of not doing something when I should pitched in my stomach, it was too late.But, even though these dreams have unhappy endings, I feel a whole lot better. I cannot explain why. Maybe my dreams are telling me it's ok to move on and forget, I don't know. But I feel soo much better. I feel calmer and more secure than I have ever been for ages. Bit strange, don't you think?
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I'm very glad you're feeling better, notsogood. Perhaps indeed your mind is beginning to prepare itself for getting over your therapist.
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Ah, that's good news. I'm happy to hear it.
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Wow, I sound really pathetic after looking back at this. I don't really know why I post this stuff!