I cheated & don't know why....... HELP

---

I have the most wonderful fiance in the entire world. He treats me like a princess, and I can trust him 200%. I know he would never cheat on me, but for some stupid reason unbeknowest to me, I cheated on him.It happened about a month ago; his friend (supposed friend now I see) wouldn't leave me alone until I slept with him this one night. He was like whining, and begging, and I think I did it to just shut him up. It lasted like 5 minutes tops because I was so horribly not into it. I said, "I don't want to be doing this. I love _____ not you." I almost feel tricked or raped in a way, but I know it can't be rape if I agreed to it. Anyway, I felt really guilty and tonight I told him. He handled it better than I thought he would, but kept asking over & over again, "why?" and the truth is, I don't know why I did it. I didn't even like his friend; I didn't want to do it. I love him and only him, and want to be with him. Now I'm afraid he can't trust me and I don't blame him. Part of me wants his forgiveness because I love him and don't want to lose him; but part of me wishes he'd dump me and give me what I deserve for doing something so wrong. Please, someone, I am not looking for sympathy, but maybe help explaining why I did this. I want to fix things with my love, I want to regain his trust. I love this man so much and want to spend the rest of my life with him... (in case it matters, this thing with his friend happened before our engagement.) I don't want to lose him... I'm hurting so badly and I know that if I'm hurting like this that his pain must be even worse........ Please someone, help me make sense of this and help me find reasoning for my actions.....

u did it bcuz his 'friend' "He was like whining, and begging, and I think I did it to just shut him up"he fuckd u up with 'fuck me' till u did it to make him stopbut if it happened before ur engagement i dont think its a big deal 4 u`r

To be honest, this is something that I, personally, would have never tolerated when I was engaged or dating (or now that I'm married). It might even be worse that you did this for no apparent reason; that makes you seem unpredictable and unable to behave rationally. You had sex with him just to "shut him up"? There has to be more than that going on here.

My first piece of advice is to think really hard about what made you cheat on your fiancé. I simply can't believe that someone could potentially throw out a wonderful relationship just to shut someone up. Was this some sort of an ego-boost? Was it your last shot at freedom?

Figure it out, and don't get married until you do.

If you can't figure out why you did it and you're so in love with this guy then I think you should go talk to a therapist or some kind of professional. Could there possibly be something unsettling about your past?

My best friend said the same thing. She said maybe something from my past is affecting my relationships with men, and suggested I talk to a therapist. She said that talking with a professional seems to help, and could help me discover why I act the way I do in relationships. Another good friend of mine said that maybe I subconsciously try to sabotoge good relationships. I don't know what to think, but I think that the therapy thing sounds like not a half bad idea. My fiance is at work right now, and I will be at work when he gets home so I left him a letter trying as best I can to answer his question of why, and explaining how I feel, etc. and I suggested in the letter that if he is willing to stick by me that I'll do whatever it takes; i.e.: I said if he thinks I need therapy then I'm more than willing to do it for the sake of our relationship.

Maybe it was a "last shot at freedom" thing or an ego boost... I really don't know what it was, but both of those make sense... I don't know, honestly, I don't think there is any real, cut and dry, "reason" for doing any of this. It could be a combination of many things perhaps... maybe I was scared, maybe I do sabotoge good relationships subconsciously? I don't know, but two people have suggested therapy, and I'm strongly considering it. It doesn't sound like a bad idea for me; and I'm willing to try anything to make this work.

Very sorry to hear about your situation. Especially for your boyfriend. I echo Websexinfo's thoughts. You should really try to pin down teh "whys" of this behavior. If you don't understand the origins of the problme you can't effectiveley deal with it. You can try indiviudal therapy. But your situation may clear up faster if you approach the relationship problem as a team. Perhaps couples therapy? For a good deal, Check your local college for clinical psychology programs and see if their is a training program nearby. Often the graduate students are around your age (makes it less uncomfortable to talk with), and the treatment is much more affordable.By the way, good luck!!

Another possibility is that some people are taught so strongly that they should do what they are told, and/or not upset people, etc, that if someone asks for something strongly enough, they find it very hard to upset them by refusing.

you have a self control issue. come on... to shut him up? WTF IS THAT SHIT?! You sound like you might have wanted to sleep with him...FIVE FUCKING MINUTES? IT SHOULDN'T HAVE GONE PASSED ONE SECOND. your fiance should break up with you, and possibly never consider getting back together. Yes, yes, this sounds harsh. :frowning: wahhhh. I mean honestly, can anyone on here say that they'd sleep with someone to shut em up? would you sleep with me too if i persisted? HELL NAW. but to answer your question. you don't need to know why, you just needed to accept the fact that no matter what, it's not your decision if he stays with you. but damn, why didn't you confront your fiance while his "friend" was persistant in asking for sex, before it got this far?

I agree with blackmanoncampus. There is no excuse for cheating on him, especially not to "just shut someone else up". That just means later if you're married or in another relationship if someone keeps asking you to fuck with them you'll do it just to shut them up as well, soon word will get out and people will look at you like a hoe. Smooth move.

A "hoe" is a gardening instrument. Try "ho" next time.

Fuck you.

Hahaha!

Hey babe...

I have been in the same exact situation with my fiancee...
I felt the same way you felt when it happened... "raped" in a way... and it's normal to feel that way.
I don't know why you cheated on him... but it obviously wasn't because of lack of love... if it wasn't meaningful you don't need to worry about it... just learn your lesson and move on.
I don't know how close and the kind of relationship you have with your beloved fiancee... but telling him what happened makes you feel much better... less traumatized...
why? well.. because u r mostly feeling the way you are because you are hidding it from him...
i told mine what had happened and i explained to him that it was a weird situation and that i didn't know or understand why i did it... he obviously got mad and all...
he accepted my appologies and said that even thought it happened he still trusted me and loved me no matter what.
because he said that he KNOWS i'm not a perfect person... but he also knows that i'd never do it again because he knows how hurt i was and i'd have to be really dumb to not have learned by my mistake.
He was really understanding and he also understood that I love him and not the other man.
I can't tell you how to get over this... but i hope my little story gives you some idea. :S:S:S