hate me?This is a question that I've been asking for a while. I don't consider myself an asshole, and I am pretty funny too. I'd hope that the reason why girls don't like me isn't related to my physical appearance, because I think that I'm at least decent looking, 5'3", and pretty nice. But why is it that whenever I like a girl, they end up trying to ignore me or something? I mean, I'll use an example. I've been trying to get to know this girl I just met who lives a bit away, and now she likes my friend Matt.I will admit that I am jealous, and with good reason too. Matt is my friend and all, but I don't think he is all too good looking, and he is an asshole to girls a lot of the time. Maybe he kisses their ass when he's alone with them, but when I'm around or anyone else he is a dickhead, and he is a pervert. He calls girls bitches, smacks their asses, screams, curses, etc. But this girl that I like likes him? This just ruins my self confidence. And its not like this is only one occassion. Matt's been getting a lot of the girls I like, and others too. I don't understand what this guy has that I don't, but I am really just upset and pissed off that someone who could treat girls so poorly gets them more than I. The only thing that I see could make a girl refrain from approaching me or getting close to me is the fact that I am pretty shy. But once I get to know someone I don't act like that. What the hell is up? I'm really doubting my self-esteem...Am I that fucking ugly?
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Why do girls...
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Hey Daimon. I find it odd how she's attracted to Matt, since the way you described him definetly turned me off towards him. Girls at this age don't know what they want. Many go after the "bad guy" for various reasons.You seem to have what every girl wants (or WILL want - once they mature enough to realize nice guys finish first) so sooner or later, it'll happen. You'll meet a girl who won't show any interest at all in your friends. Don't let the girl you have feelings for lower your self confidence, you have good reason to be confident in yourself.
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Attraction is a weird thing; I've never really figured it out. I think it has a lot to do with chemistry. All I know is, you can't force it... it's either there or it's not. I've had a lot of friends who were with abusive or asshole guys, and I could never understand why. It's not like they didn't have other options; there are plenty of nice, decent guys around who know how to treat women with respect. But again, I guess it just goes back to personal chemistry. I'm sure that you'll eventually find a girl you like, and who likes you in return. You just have to be yourself, be patient and keep looking. Good luck.
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See, this is where our opinions contradict. I appreciate the comments from both of you, however giving me the "just be patient" speech is slowly making me more and more agitated. I've been waiting for a decent girl for well over 3 1/2 years, and it hasn't gotten me anywhere. And if attraction is based on chemistry, apparently I have some freak gene or something because its as if I have some type of barrier around myself that tells girls to stay away. I'm always friendly and usually smiling, so I don't find myself to not be inviting.
I am really beginning to like this girl too, so I don't just want to give up and start new. That sounds foolish and naive to me to just drop something and start anew again.
I honestly don't know what is wrong with me. Its not just this girl that lowers my self esteem, but just the simple fact that she (and a few other girls) have been attracted to my friend when they know he isn't exactly the greatest guy to be around. Now don't get me wrong, he isn't an asshole all the time. In fact, the reason why he is my friend is because he is a good guy most of the time. Its only around women (as I've noticed) that he acts like an idiot.
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There's nothing wrong with you other than the fact that you think there's something wrong with you. I think your problem is your initial shyness. Granted being shy isn't hindering until it comes to relationships and attracting women. The reason girls are becoming attracted to your friend is because he isn't shy and they're misinterpreting his cocky and vulgar attitude as being assertive and confident, which he is, too, if he's acting like that without a care in the world. My advice would be to initiate some conversation with this girl and open up to her a bit and get very comfortable with chatting with her. Show her you have confidence but you also have a good head on your shoulders. It doesn't always work, keep that in mind but I can guarantee you that you'll see a change in the ladies reactions around you. Don't short change yourself, life is too short.
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as someone around your age i know that a lot of highschool girls are really too stupid to go for a nice guy when they meet one. for some reason girls at a young age are attracted to the ass-holes who will misstreat them. most females i know grow out of this, but a few follow the trend of dating dicks forever. i know waiting for the right girl to come along might not be the most fun thing to do, but turning into an ass hole just to get a girlfriend isnt the best idea either. generally by age 17-18 you'll find girls who have matured enough to realize they WANT a nice guy, and there you'll be waiting.
best of luck, maybe try getting a new girl to obsess over though, obviously the one you like isnt mature enough to see a good guy right infront of her.
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I see both of your points. I do tend to think that there is something wrong with me, but it is mostly because of the reactions of others. Granted, I am definately not going to become an asshole to get women no matter what, especially since that is not the path I've chosen for myself. You must realize, too, that I am 17 and the girls that I am talking about are in this age category. So either they are still very immature, or your theory about them growing up is wrong. Either way, I still don't feel too confident. It isn't exactly easy to just be open around someone you don't know too well, and it is especially hard for me when I like someone, because I feel as though every move I make will mess something up.