This is gonna be a long post so I apologise now for it :smile:.
I'm 16. I'm doing AS Levels and I think I suffer from depression.
Alright so a couple of years ago I started suffering from what I imagine to be depression. Some stuff happened in my family and with people around me. Two of my aunts were diagnosed with cancer. My parents split up. All in less than a month. That was hard to deal with.
No one seemed to care. People ignored the way I was. I couldnt do anything without feeling down. This lasted for about 7 months. It kind of went away, but then it would come back again - the "low" feeling. Then for once stuff started going right.
But then it wasn't so good again, I'd been f**ked over and I was back in the rut I hadnt long got out of. The cause was a girl. I liked her, and she said she liked me, and then went out with a guy who at the time I couldnt stand.
No one cared, no one noticed how I was. it was like I felt I had no control of my life. I was waking up, going to school, going home, sleeping. That was it. I didnt go out because I felt my friends didnt want me there.
It was around this time I started self-harming. I didnt slit my wrists, I just wanted to hurt myself for being a shi* person. Every time I did it, it felt like it helped.
So then I went back to feeling like I had no control. I got a repetition of the above with a different girl. She left me and started going with one of my best friends. Her excuse was that she wasnt ready for a serious relationship. Yeah so much so she just had to go out with him over me.
Its at this point I think about closing this page and leaving this website. I imagine I'm boring people who are reading this by now. I'll keep going....
Anyway, back to the present, and this girl comes back to me, after shes broken up with my friend, and rings me every night. She made me feel wanted. I hadnt been depressed for a good few months. I really thought I was over that. So we got closer and then she told me she was falling for me. I was on top of the world. Nothing could bring me down.
Then she just stopped talking to me. I rang her and she fell out with me over something stupidly trivial. I thought she hated me. I texted her telling her there was no point in us ever getting together, and the next day I asked for a second chance. What the hell was that all about? Why did I do that? I dont know.
She put me back in the rut I thought I was out of. She ignored me all week. I told her how I felt about her. Yesterday we met up to talk and she didnt say a god damn thing about us.
We arranged to meet today to sort things out. She didnt say a god damn thing. By now I'm feeling like shit and she doesnt seem to care. SO thats it, I told her "forget it". I've told her less or more to go to hell.
So now I feel like the biggest pile of crap that was ever shit into civilisation.
I can see the question forming "Why did you post this" and the statement "go somewhere else" (in less polite terms). I dont know. I know I've got a problem, but I dont feel able to tell anyone about it. There is one person I trust enough but she (irony there perhaps?) doesnt seem to have time to talk to me.
My doctor is a complete prick and my mother is too patronising. I cant talk to her about anything.
I'm not eating properly and I want to drink constantly.
SO I'm here because I just want someone to know what I'm going through. I want to tell someone who wont judge me, and who wont patronise me whats going on in my life. I dont expect anyone to care, but at least if its here and someone reads it I can say that at least I've tried.