Just need someone who understands.....

---

Hi

This is gonna be a long post so I apologise now for it :smile:.

I'm 16. I'm doing AS Levels and I think I suffer from depression.

Alright so a couple of years ago I started suffering from what I imagine to be depression. Some stuff happened in my family and with people around me. Two of my aunts were diagnosed with cancer. My parents split up. All in less than a month. That was hard to deal with.

No one seemed to care. People ignored the way I was. I couldnt do anything without feeling down. This lasted for about 7 months. It kind of went away, but then it would come back again - the "low" feeling. Then for once stuff started going right.

But then it wasn't so good again, I'd been f**ked over and I was back in the rut I hadnt long got out of. The cause was a girl. I liked her, and she said she liked me, and then went out with a guy who at the time I couldnt stand.

No one cared, no one noticed how I was. it was like I felt I had no control of my life. I was waking up, going to school, going home, sleeping. That was it. I didnt go out because I felt my friends didnt want me there.

It was around this time I started self-harming. I didnt slit my wrists, I just wanted to hurt myself for being a shi* person. Every time I did it, it felt like it helped.

So then I went back to feeling like I had no control. I got a repetition of the above with a different girl. She left me and started going with one of my best friends. Her excuse was that she wasnt ready for a serious relationship. Yeah so much so she just had to go out with him over me.

Its at this point I think about closing this page and leaving this website. I imagine I'm boring people who are reading this by now. I'll keep going....

Anyway, back to the present, and this girl comes back to me, after shes broken up with my friend, and rings me every night. She made me feel wanted. I hadnt been depressed for a good few months. I really thought I was over that. So we got closer and then she told me she was falling for me. I was on top of the world. Nothing could bring me down.

Then she just stopped talking to me. I rang her and she fell out with me over something stupidly trivial. I thought she hated me. I texted her telling her there was no point in us ever getting together, and the next day I asked for a second chance. What the hell was that all about? Why did I do that? I dont know.

She put me back in the rut I thought I was out of. She ignored me all week. I told her how I felt about her. Yesterday we met up to talk and she didnt say a god damn thing about us.

We arranged to meet today to sort things out. She didnt say a god damn thing. By now I'm feeling like shit and she doesnt seem to care. SO thats it, I told her "forget it". I've told her less or more to go to hell.

So now I feel like the biggest pile of crap that was ever shit into civilisation.

I can see the question forming "Why did you post this" and the statement "go somewhere else" (in less polite terms). I dont know. I know I've got a problem, but I dont feel able to tell anyone about it. There is one person I trust enough but she (irony there perhaps?) doesnt seem to have time to talk to me.

My doctor is a complete prick and my mother is too patronising. I cant talk to her about anything.

I'm not eating properly and I want to drink constantly.

SO I'm here because I just want someone to know what I'm going through. I want to tell someone who wont judge me, and who wont patronise me whats going on in my life. I dont expect anyone to care, but at least if its here and someone reads it I can say that at least I've tried.

Thanks.

In my experiences, I've had girls not only throw me down into a hole much like you have, but also pull me back out. I think it's important to have someone to talk to and share your feelings with. There are a lot of people here that you can talk to and give you support. It's good that you wrote what you felt, and it's very good that you tried.You're friends probably do want you there. Try to talk to them again. I've had friends slip away and I regret that, but I'm not going to let it happen again.

hey hunny. first off, it good that you have posted here, very glad you did. i kinda know what have been going through, i have been through the same things with guys.
sounds like she just leading you on because she knows that she can and that you will keep going back to her. nobody will judge you on here, we all very nice and won't bite!! hehehe. anyway, you can talk to people on here, we here to listen, and will try to understand and help you out as much as possible. hope to chat to you soon
Love Becky *hugs*

Welcome, BradUk2003.Life, and especially relationships, are a roller coaster. Sometimes we are going up, and then suddenly we are crashing down. One thing that strikes me in both what you wrote, and what I find within myself, is how hard it is to accept the down parts. We should think "all relationships have good and bad times, this is just one of the bad times, I'll manage it as best I can until a good times comes round again", but instead we feel something is fatally wrong. We want to put the whole thing out of its misery.And depression makes it worse, because depression makes bad things seem much worse than they are, and good things seem much less good than they are. And having low self-confidence does the same. I know that feeling well.

Thanks for your replies. I had thought she was leading me on, especially as she had already kinda done that. I guess I just hoped she had grown up a bit. But then no matter how bad I feel, I keep getting this feeling of "well, what if you tried harder?" and "what if you hadn't been such an idiot?"She lied to me, so in theory it should be her fault. But then didnt she lie because she didnt want to hurt me?I know I have no chance now, but that doesn't stop me wanting her. Even after what she has done.

Sometimes it doesn't matter what they do to you, you're still going to have feelings for them. Like my ex, she cheated on me with a cop. I hated myself for a while telling myself, "If only I didn't find that job for her at the Sheriff's Office."I come to realize I didn't do anything wrong. Sure, she cheated on me, but I still care about her. Now I feel like we're the closest of friends.

I fucking hate life. I fucking hate the stupid women in my life who have to make stuff hard for me. I fucking hate feeling shit every single day of the mother fucking week. Now I hate the fact shes putting the fucking blame on me.

The only person she has to blame is herself. Don't feel like it's your fault because it isn't.

now shes not talking to me and more than likely hates my guts. I dont blame her. lol.

The best thing you can do right now is have patience. Maybe she's not ready for you to tell her you care about her, but in time she will be. Right now she probably just needs some time away.

Heres the thing though, I dont want to care about her. I've had enough of her.

Heheheh. You need to go to the addiction thread under general discussion.

just give her time. she will come round and will talk to you, maybe she just freaked out?? just be there when she talks to you. she won't hate you, just needs time. give it time hunny

She won't talk to me. Perhaps I'm not getting the point across strongly enough, but once I found out she lied to me I just can't stand thinking about her, I hate the fact I let myself like her a second time when I knew I'd end up getting hurt.

And I let her do it too. I'm such an idiot. And then its like, well, nothings gonna change, I'm stuck with this for the rest of my life. Whats the point?

you will get over her, it just a matter of time, you will find somebody else who won't treat u like shit. don't blame yourself so much, i know what it like when u love and care for somebody so much, but it will all change, you will find a decent girl and will forget about her

I think you're stuck in the mentality of if you're I'm burned once, shame on you, if I'm burned twice, shame on me. The reality of it is that you had enough faith in her to give her a second chance. There is nothing wrong with that. It's her loss.

She used me. Her best friend told me she said she only liked me because I was there for her, and that she used me to rebound off of. I've only just found out.

Its been staring me in the fucking face since she started talking to me.

I'm so angry just now I dont know what I'm going to do.

I'd try to shrug it off and not do anything. If you do anything and act in anger, chances are you will regret it later. If you do act on anything, wait till you're calmed down first.