I've been thinking about this a lot lately, and it's had my stomach in knots; I just don't know what to do. So I thought I'd come here and see what everyone else thought. (Sorry if this gets a little long-winded or boring....)I'm gay, and I've been seeing a guy 10 years older than me (he's 28) for about 6 months. I know that sounds like a lot, and believe me, if I had known from the start I would never have gone on the first date with him, but he looks no more than 21, and he just acts too young and fun to be that "old". He thought I was about 21/22 as well, and when he found out he was surprised, but we were so attached to each other by then that I didn't notice his age - I just saw this fantastically great guy who was everything I wanted.Then, last Monday (the 29th of November, I think?) I stayed over at his house and something overcame me to have a serious talk with him. I've been raised in a christian home, and so whilst I don't call myself christian (because I am gay), I still hold to a lot of those principals, for example - I'm not in a relationship just to muck around. When I say I love someone, I mean it with all my heart.I told him this because he has been through a LOT. He was actually engaged to another guy about 2 years ago, and his fiance had an internet affair.... just endless crap like that. He's been hurt a lot, so I told him this so that he would know I wasn't only in it for myself. I'd already had a bad day with my parents (they gave me a whole bunch of leaflets about how gay people can become straight), and I bought him a rose to say thankyou for putting up with my crap.About 20 seconds later he got some sms's from someone he said was a friend, Tonia. I ignored it, we went to bed, then we woke up and he went for a shower, after telling me he had thought about our chat, and he loved me and wanted to be with me. While he was in the shower I snuck his phone (wait, wait, not for the reason you think...)... I wanted to figure out how to use his video record function on the phone so I could record myself saying something sweet for him to find when he went to work. Not knowing how to work his phone, I was just pressing random buttons and ended up in his inbox. I thought it was strange that I saw NO texts from anyone named Tonia. Now I know what I did next was wrong, but curiosity got the better of me, so I opened up a couple of texts and read them. They said things like "We should hook up sometime, maybe at the coast" and "I like to suck and #%CK, how bout u?" I thought that was kind of gross, and, being interested to know what he said back to them, I had a look at his SENT messages and - to my horror - found that he'd sent things like "yes, we SHOULD hook up - I can think of some fun things to do... mmmm..." I was so mortified. I just left the phone open on his bed for him to find. When he did he confronted me saying: "Okay, I admit it - I was texting a guy I shouldn't have been talking to, but believe me - I would NEVER cheat on you. I do love you. I'm sorry."I so wanted to believe him, but I was so crushed I just went home. We txted each other on and off throughout the week, just to say "missing you", and I finally met him on his work lunch break today (the 6th). He apologised again, and I - not wanting to make things any more difficult - apologised for anything I might have done to worsen the situation.He told me he still wanted to be with me, but not RIGHT now - he wanted to get Christmas out of the way first. He also told me he wants me to move in with him, but he's not sure if he is really ready to settle down.Now I can understand that to a point - he's been BADLY burned before, and i THINK part of the reason he did those things is because he was afraid, but i am NOT interested in being taken along for a six-month ride, only to be told he's not ready to settle down and it's time for me to move aside. However I really DO want to make this work, so if he IS ready to settle down, it's with the man I love.Is my heart stopping me from seeing something that is clearly obvious to you? Am I clinging to a man who is destined to break me? Is this post way too long to read?Any thoughts would be deeply appreciated.
-
Am I clinging to a hopeless cause?
-
i don't think it's a lost cause. you both did something bad, and you're both sorry. you both need to rebuild trust in each other. take it slowly and see where it goes. the possibility that you might get "taken for a 6 month ride" isn't enough, to me, to break it off and possibly loose something really great.i wouldn't move in right away though. see how things progress and determine what both your committment to the relationship truly is before making such a large step. he's already been honest enough to tell you he's not sure if he's ready to settle down, give him points for that. you both have to be sure this is what you want, you are ready, and will give it 110%. taking a little time to figure that out, especially after what happened, hurts nobody.
-
i really dunno how this whole gay thing works. but ...
#1 just follw ya heart or whateva ....
#2 txting means nothing. i`ve been textin bullshit to girls and didn`t mean any of the words i said.hope it kinda helps ....
-
damn, when i started replying , you didn`t post yet =))
-
just go with your heart...and as maggie said see how thigns go before you move in...Try talking to him on the phone more than texting, can be a lot more meaning full. Just continue to be honest to each other, like you have been (according to your post). Good Luck....
-
I've gone through something very simular to your situation. I dated my ex-fiancée for six months. I'm not the type of person to throw the word 'love' around and I believe it's not to be used lightly. I found out that he had wrote a letter to his best friend Bobbi telling her that he loved her with all his heart and that he wanted to be with her. It shattered me. But I stuck with the relationship because I loved him. I confronted him about it and we fought but we built our relationship back up. Granted it wasn't as staible as before, but it was better. We're not together anymore due to other reasons... but my whole point it, fight for what you want. If you truly love one another it will work out. Don't give up just yet, I think there is still hope for you two. Best of luck to you.