Hey all I've run into a bit of emotional conflict withen myself and I don't know how to handle it... maybe I just need to get this off my chest or maybe I'm searching for something I'm not quite sure of. To start I've been with my girlfriend for about 6 months now and I don't think things could be much better. She's simply an incredible person with whom I always spend my time with when I am not busy working or going to school. I love her for everything she's helped me with and supported me on and very grateful for her helping me rediscover my Christian roots. I'm still learning but I am eager to learn more!
She's a very unique individual thats for certain, she never really had a real relationship until her last boyfriend. They lasted 9 months and they had absolutely no physical intimacy in their relationship. He is a nice guy and all but the two never felt comfortable doing that. She is very religious, something I am using to my advantage on a quest to be closer to God... she's very supportive and helps me out when I need it. She has always been very shy and it took us about 9 months to build up to the point were I was confident in asking her out. When we first started she made it very clear there would be no sex unless we got married years down the road, I respect that fact and never have or will dispute it for I have no personal issues with that descision either. She did say she likes to take things slow and I also respect that especially coming from her background and previous experience.
The early beginnings of the relationship were rather rocky on account of my own personal mistakes, too much booze on both accounts and I made a public mockery of myself and disrespected her. I totally recognized my faults and owned up to them and vowed never to drink that way again and I'm happy to say I've accomplished that goal so far. We had our first kiss about two weeks after we began dating and over the next month I noticed she never got into it much and that the sessions were rather brief (no longer then 10 minutes). I brought it up and she was pretty nice about it all and we discussed she is shy and once we had been seeing eachother long enough she'd open up more.
1.5 months in we had a camp out in her backyard and in our lip-locking session, excuse the vulgarity, i went up her shirt and fondled her. she said nothing while it happened, nor did she stop me. After she was very very quiet and upset, I was very apologetic and we talked and we agreed we would hold that off until she was ready. I felt I had ruined the evening and was down on myself, we reconciled and cuddled for the rest of the night.
3 months into the relationship I discovered I had a thing for her incredible tummy, this girl should be a model I kid you not. I also liked to put my hand on her inner thigh as we sat together, usually as we lip-locked I would caress her leg. One day I accidently went too high. She didn't say anything so being the dumb idiot I am I continued further, she didn't stop me and I actually thought she was ok with it. Not being able to do much I tried going down her pants, thats when a halt was ordered immeadiately and I instantly stopped. Again, very apologetic and she was understandably upset over it all. I told her I wouldn't do that until she was ready.
3.5 months into this I told her I loved her, she did not reciprocate stating she wasn't sure. Upon later clarification she said she would only say something like that if she knew she was going to marry someone or after they knew eacother very very well (1 year+). I took it rather hard, I don't handle that sort of rejection well.
4 months into it and by now she is still uncomfortable with boob-touching but says it'd be ok if it was a seldom occurance. I tried to respect it but got carried away for awhile and now I am good about it and we laugh about it and now she doesn't seem to be that uncomfortable about it although some days she is.
and now it has been 6 months and little has changed since then. Her only leaps into taking more initiative have been cuddling more (which I can't say I disapprove of really, I like that but thats not what I was getting at), and she greeted me at the door once and gave me a kiss. She has done other things too but 95% of the time I am still the sole-initiator.
Right now it has been 6 months. I make all the moves. We can kiss and touch eachother above the belt occasionally (but she has never been one to be touchy herself). Can't go below the belt. She won't make bigger initiative moves. I've tried talking to her several time and it seems no progress is ever had. I find this very very frustrating. I'm not trying get my jollies off and ditch her when i'm done, I just want to be more intimate then we already are together and I'd like for her to be comfortable doing those sorts of things together. I just wanna physically express my emotional feelings towards her ya know? I try explaining it but she always thinks I'm trying to talk my way into her pants. Maybe I am I dunno, I just can't describe why I want to be more intimate with her.... I just know I don't want to wait for a wedding ring to be on her finger before she starts to be ok with things. I understand sex is non-existant... but that shouldn't mean everything else should be too! I really don't know how to talk to her or handle the situation. I don't want to leave her or make demands, I want to talk to her and ease her worries about things and let her know I'm always there for her and that I don't think she's a slut.
I'm not trying to have sex with her. I'm not even shooting for oral sex or mutual masterbation or anything. Right now I'm just trying to get her to be physically comfortable doing things with me like lying topless in bed or just groping or exploring. I just feel our physical progress has come to a stand-still and if I try to move it she'll get very very angry. I know she does find me physically attractive and that I havn't fallen into the same hole her previous boyfriend did, she's made those 2 points very clear. She just says she needs time and I want to respect that, I really do. But at the same time I feel like it's putting the relationship on hold, she places so little empasis on the physical aspect of the relationship I feel a little neglected at times. I'm not some scrubby bastard who just wants in her pants for my own personal conquests and I don't know how to get that point across, I just don't! I want to respect her! I'm trying to wait! But I want to talk to her about it but I don't know what will happen at this point.
argggh! frustrations. I probably shouldn't even be sharing this with you guys but I'm very desperate for advice :frowning: