Im worse

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I told my parents and everything. They met with a psychiatrist tonight and I have a apt monday. Here is the thing. I'm really depressed now. I show it all the time. I just wont talk at all around my family now (Compared to when I used to talk to hide the fact I was depressed) I'm more pissed off. I want to kill more people. I hate more and more people each day. No reason. No preference in race. Just if its a human being, I hate it. Sucide is coming to mind more then ever. I've thought about 2+ times a day since I told my dad about it all. I feel guilty about my parents having to pay to fix my fuck up. I'm the one fucked up in the head. I've considered running away this week. Just leaving so I dont have to cost them anything. I've been comparing the cost of a funeral compared to 'therepy'.. I feel more hostile then ever. Im so suspicious of people. I tryed to get my parents to tell me every exact question she (psychiatrist) asked what they were there and my parents exact responses. I'm fucking losing it. I can't trust anyone. I don't know what to do. I thoguht it was supposed to get better when I got it all out, why am I getting worse?

I think you're feeling stressed about the appointment. It's new and you don't know what will happen. Whenever we make big decisions we always have some time afterwards worrying if we did the right thing, and suspecting we didn't. It's normal, and it happens even when the decision was the right one. Hang in there: it will get better.

Do they have insurance. Often it covered to some extent.

Our insurance doesn't cover it at all. They would cover it if I was an alcoholic or a drug addict, but I'm not, so its not covered.

Hey FaBMX,psychiatrist appoitment should go smooth. I went to one for 7 years (not sure why), but I imagine now that I think about it, that you probably have already gone.....Well anyway, should not be bad. As for your worry about your parents, all their money spent will be worth it, to see you happy, that is what they want. Let us know how it goes.

My parents just told me about a job with a family friend driving people to a party at their house. I told them no, and my mom kept trying to get me to do it and I told her "fuck no" (My reason is with California's laws, if anyone gets hurt, I'm fucked, like jail fucked) I walk in my room and I totally freaked out. I started crying and started saying insurance shit. Like 100k for each person or whatever. Then I started going over differn't sentences (jail time) I've heard. This went on for like 2 minutes. I sat myself down and calmed a bit, but I'm still shaking. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why am I randomly freaking out now? :confused: Is it because I dont have anyone to talk to about this phychiartrist stuff? I mean I havn't told but 3 people I know (Best friend, cousin, and internet friend) and I dont talk to them that often.

My parents are seriously starting to piss me off. They keep telling me I should do this and blah blah. I swear, I'm about to tell them to shut the fuck. My head is pounding and they keep lecturing me on it. Im about to grab a bowl and go to the hills if I get any more pissed off.

I took off on a 2 - 3 mile hike in the hills instead. Felt good to just sit away from everything and clear my head.

I think it's a very good idea to get out and have a walk. It's what I like to do when I'm feeling stressed or down.

I thought of one of the issues I want to bring up at my session. Why my parents think Im 12 fucking years old. My dad still doesn't let me hang out with my friends for more than an hour or go out at night. I can't just go find something to do, I have to have it set up already. The movies can be a bad influence on me. My parents are blind. My dad thinks I have no friends (He told me this... ) I have a ton of friends. I hang out with them behind his back. My mom was talking to me about marijuana tonight because she thinks I smoke it now. What she smelt was a CIGAR. Seriously, it was a cigar. She thinks thats weed beause I rolled it myself in a zig zag. She was talking to me like you would talk to a 13 year old for their first time. I just want my parents to shut the fuck up and leave me alone. They dont know shit about. Im going to tell my doctor lady I'm tired of this shit. It just kind of hit me tonight that my parents have always treated me like this. They relize in like a year and 2-3 months, I CAN MOVE OUT. Is this a good issue to talk with her about? I mean, it bothers me. When can I discover who I am by myself. They need to LET THE FUCK GO. Sorry.. It pisses me off.

Theyre just trying to show you they care.. my brother was the same as you.. he was going to kill himself.. and my parents were scared.. they tried to get him out and get a job.. stuff like that...your parents might just be showing you they care.. My parents treated me the same way that you are being treated.. but you have to earn their trust.. you have to talk to them decently.. dont swear.. just stay calm.. you'll get more space and privillages.. me and my mom are like best friends now.. and i can do basically anything i want now..I just hope you start to feel better..

Calm communication is the key! Buddy, I’ve been there, attempted it. I’m certainly not the best at recommending a calm road (even at my age). But, if you can, try to step back and look at things from a less personal perspective. Your parents care, even if they are shitty at showing it. Even if they are totally clueless about how you feel, they still love you. They have no choice; it’s biological (unless they are truly mentally deranged).I used to love my dad, then I hated him, then I loved him, then he died. Don’t waste what you have.Give the councillor a chance, if nothing else. Please

Dude, you've taken a big step with things.Now that "issues" are out in the open, your parents probably think that "getting a job" will help solve some of them, not realising that it can create more in the process. Things will take time to settle down, and it will more than likely be worse to start with and it will calm. Everything that was said between yourself and your father needs to settle as well, new ground was covered and it will take time for it to lay level, with the help of counselling and being able to freely talk about your problems to a third person will help a lot.Dude, I've not been about much over the last few weeks or so, but you know my mail box is always open if you need to vent off or unload some crap. I don't have all the answers. Hell, I don't always know what to reply, but I always read everything that comes thru. And you also know you've got everyone here and the people that piss you off... just do what I do; see their username and skip their posts.

What If I dont have any posts left to read? j/k

Im leaving in 10 minutes to go to the 'doctor'. I've become numb in my head, because I was so nervous. I actually want a cigarette right now and a bowl of weed, but I can't exactly go in high. haha. I will let everyone know how it goes, when/IF I come back.

I went. I'm home now. We talked for my entire session. It goes realllllllly quick. I thought I had been there about 10 minutes, when really it was a hour. It felt good to tell her everything that bugged me. Stuff that bothers you but you never mention just 'comes out'. I go back next year, I will see what that one is like. But, overall, I think it was good.

Glad it went well, FaBMX!