Just like that

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Bud, life is a bastard and a bitch, we all do things we don’t want to do, and while people coming to you for advice and guidance should “pick you up” I know personally it’s not always the case. But as someone here said to me, you should take that as they do trust you with judgements, so don’t do anything rash.You said about seeing a school counsellor may not be the best possible course of action for help, so why not go see your local doctor and have a chat with him/her. At least they can offer a temporary course of action with drugs to help calm you down and to get things in perspective and sort out an action plan on how to things right for you.About the jacking off, thoughts of sex and “checking out”. It’s all classic signs of depression, even I still can’t get those feelings right in my head again, but I’m finding it more of having to “relearn” myself (and a lot of the new things I really don’t like).You’ve got a good head on your shoulders; yeah some people may knock you down with things they say. Hell, women are the worst at doing that, and I know how hard it is when someone says they “don’t want you”.Look, I’ve given you the chance for me to phone you for a chat, and the offer is open to all who I speak to. You know how to contact me.

Thanks guys. Yes Diver i know about the phone, thank you. I just want to get rid of my current contract phone ( parents have control ) and get back on prepaid ( im in control ) Then i will hit you up and see whats happening. I was depressed again today.. Its just .. so not depressing anymore.. I mean.. Its like I dont act down all the time.. ( another stage i suppose )? But i feel down all the time.. Am i just putting on a front .. so everyone thinks im sain? Today we had to do a journal in class.. and the teacher asks us.. Whats in our minds currently... I answered it some what honestly.. I said.. You dont really want to know.. Right now.. My hate for school.. People... I said.. You dont want me to continue.. I dont know why i did it.. I just felt i had to.. and i did.. I will probably be in the office monday or under arrest.. But i dont care! Looking at it.. I might be getting some weed tomorrow.. That will help alot of things out.. It makes me good for a week or so.. That Im NOT DEPRESSED!!! Kinda cool.. If i could get it atleast once a week.. Just enough to feel good.. I might not ever have to see a doctor.. But if i cant.. I will have to resort to shit drugs ( man made ) ..

I had a good day.. went and hung out with my friend today.. I get home.. and its back to depression

Why, Why Does it get worse? As i set here.. I think why not end it.. I dont even get upset with the thought of sucide anymore.. Its just that normal to me.. I continue to think why continue living... Its 0001 right now.. I'm tired.. I dont know why i dont goto bed.. Cause i will think.. I dont know what wrong with me.. All i want to do is kill everyone at my school.. WHY?

big hug know how you feeling, feeling the same right now. but it will get better, hold on hunny, be strong

WTF... There still talking about moving the 500.. or 600 ( I forgot ) Miles away.. Fuck them. I dont wan't to. I will become a slave for my grandmother.. Go there after school and do this.. go here on your saturday and do this. blah blah.. I can see it now.. If they actually deciede there going to move up there. I'm doing it. I will kill myself. No one on this board will change my mind either. They say the comfiriming words, I'm dead. I will take about 50 assorted pills. Eat some rat poison, eat some other assorted poisons i find, and slit my wrist.. while walking towards the rail road tracks. and no one on here, can change my mind. So my stupid parents better no move

Do your parents know how you feel, FaBMX?

No, They don't. I told them i don't want to.. But they don't care

talk to them, and show them this post, maybe they just don't understand, it not easy for others to know how bad you can feel when depressed. i sorry to hear it going so bad, just talk to your parents and don't do anything rash, considee the other options, think of all the positives hugs

Why haven't you gone to see someone yet???? ...And I'm not talking school counselor.... I'm talking like, therapist or psychiatrist.... through whatever medical coverage you have. And yes, that would probably involve telling your parents (or a parent) b/c I'm assuming you're under their medical coverage. I've been suffering from cyclical depression since 7th grade (I'm a soph. in college now).... I've been cutting on and off since the depression started.... now, my parents don't know about the cutting... even to this day, they have no clue.... but during my senior year of high school, I finally decided that if I didn't get help, I was going to kill myself. So I told my mom (b/c I'm a little closer to her) that I was seriously depressed and that I needed to go see someone.... Unfortunately, this caught her COMPLETELY off guard.... she'd known I was semi-unhappy, but had no clue it went as deep as it did.... (and all the while, I'd assumed it was painfully obvious, even though I WAS trying to hide it)... So she insisted that I call and set up an appointment. I started seeing someone - they immediately suggested anti-depressants... I wasn't ready for it, plus I was leaving for college, so I stopped seeing him. Finally, at the beginning of this school year, I figured out that this wasn't something I could handle on my own anymore.... I've been on anti-depressants since October.... Is life wonderful? Umm no. But I can handle things better than I used to... Yes, I've cut once since I've been on the meds.... but the suicidal feelings (which were CONSTANT before) aren't there anymore....The point of my long-winded story is.... you need to seek help. I know it may seem stupid... like a waste of time... but at least give it a shot. .....Tell your mom (since I'm assuming you're closer to her, based on your posts) that you're depressed and you really need to go see someone.... Parents can be surprisingly dense, so she probably has no clue....I know, you don't know me... what good can a bunch of type do from someone you've never even seen? ....I know your eyes might just be running over this text, and you might not give it a second thought.... but STOP. THINK. Seriously.... as unhappy as you are right now, you might as well just give it a shot. I've been there, so I have some clue as to what you're going through.......Life is worth living. If you're even remotely close to either of your aunts that are dying, go talk to them. Their lives are being cut short and they have no control over it... Ask them how much they wish they could control whether they live or die right now.... Suicide really isn't the answer..... Life gets easier... and the good part is worth staying alive to get to it.

I'm so blah.. It seems like i put on a happy front.. to keep everyone quite.. I have so much anger.. Towards everyone.. I hate them all.. I WANT TO KILL EVERYONE... I hate people.. I hate myself.. I hate my father... I just hate people.. I can so easily now just throw around sucide... Maybe i just need some weed.. and i will calm down...

I hate to bug you guys again.. Probably tired of listening/reading me..  Depressed, Sucidal, Pyscho. Only words i can think of.. that discribe me..       It all seems to get worse.. I dont know what happy is anymore.. I'm not happy.. or am i? Do i know what true happiness is?           Is it in the next hit of weed? Next shot of vodka? Next pack of cigerates? I dont know. I dont know where to find true happiness.   L   inkin Park's songs make so much sense...  'Numb' reminds me of my dad.. 'Nobody's Listening' reminds me of most people.. I give them all warning.. But, no one listens.. Here is a line from the song:        "Try to give you warningBut everyone ignores me[Told you everything loud and clear]But nobody's listeningCall to you so clearlyBut you don't want to hear me[Told you everything loud and clear]But nobody's listening"      Thats one line i relate to.. Here is another: 'I got aHeart full of painHead full of stressHandful of angerHeld in my chestUphill struggleBlood, sweat and tearsNothing to gainEverything to fear'         Once again.. I feel i relate to it..         Sorry for going on.. Just i needed to talk/type to someone.. and you won   .. C ya   

Why am i getting worse.. I start out everyday optimisic.. but my dad turns to shit... Im just so depressed.. all i could think about most of the day was ending it. I think about it more and more... I think.. Why not do it? I'm getting sick again.. I dont want to be. I'm failing most of my classes.. Its getting hotter... Seems like more and more people everyday... just dont want to talk to me anymore.. or ignore me.... I don't have much left to hold onto.. The chance to get some weed.. is the only reason i continue on everyday. WEED KEEPS ME ALIVE.. Imagine that.. I'm living for a little plant that costs money.. How fucked up am i? I'm just seriously depressed today.. this week.. my life.. Fuck it.. I need to end it... I'm giving myself a few months ( MAYBE ) If i cant change stuff, Its over. I'm out. END IT!

FaBMX, what is the situation with counselling now? You really need someone professional to look after you. You have serious chronic depression - it's no shame, but it needs treatment.

what is chronic depression? I'm afraid.. that i goto counseluing.. They tell my parents.. whole family finds out.. I'm fucked...

Another thing thats bothering me today... Seems like people are avoiding me.. WTF? Everyone is having problems.. and I'm the normal problem solver.. and everyone is getting pissed at me... Weird voices.. avoidance... WTF? Everyone hate me know? Damn.. Its starting to piss me off.. I hate this week.. once i get my sack tomorrow.. it will all go away tho

dude, just to let you know, I pick up the bill for the phone call. NOTHING comes up on your bill and no one will know. Ask Misty (cenfath) or Wally (Helms)... oh and ineligible

hey what about me? you like early morning wake up calls

A chronic illness is one that keeps hanging around, instead of just happening at one time and then getting better.

You could ask a counsellor whether he/she will keep your situation confidential from your parents, pointing out that they are part of the problem.

If i see the lady i get along with from the counselur place tomorrow.. I will ask her.. Accept its only a 1/2 day.. Maybe Monday.. Just ask her what will have to be known.. Anyone know what to do about my throat and nose? Throat hurts.. and nose is plugged... Just started today.. Change in weather.. Any help.. I got a BUSY weekend.. Please help