I’m sick of not being able to make friends properly, socially interact in the way I should be able to and to be totally honest: I feel like I need to suffer needlessly to prove I am “strong.” For a while now, I’ve been seeing a therapist, to aid in helping me with my problems. Yeah, it has shed light in the hardest of times and helped. But every time I get somewhere, I fall back to where I started. I have made some improvements, but I’m stuck with the bigger issues still. These ‘issues’ were part of my ‘to-fix list’ or at least, sort them out to a degree, that I am happy with. But as time passes, and as unfulfilling my experience of life becomes, the closer I am to ridding all help as I know it. By this, I mean: I am at some point going to finish seeing a therapist for help, as I’m reaching the age limit. Will I have enough time to fix what is broken? No, highly unlikely. Which is why I must substitute another alternative. I cannot think of any way, to help myself. Anxiety to me is the way my body reacts as a reflex to everything I perceive. How do you fix that? By trying to get used to certain situations/events? To get those situations/events, you have to create them or get there, something my anxiety stops me from doing in order to help myself. I try to help myself, but the only positive attribute to my week is the day I see my therapist. After that day, I feel positive and happy, and I CAN do SOME things that I normally wouldn’t. But after that day what do I do? Do I go over what was discussed try to recreate everything exactly as I remember in my head to help? That’s impossible, though tried.You see, what I am getting at is, I feel I’ve achieved ‘some’ benefit from seeing somebody for help, but in the long term of things, I’m stuck. What does a guy like me do? I have to get a job soon, I need to get into the real world, I need to be able to do what every other person does, but I can’t.Most of you are very experienced in the understanding of these type of issues, which is why I have come here and only here, for your help.Shall I seek medication? Shall I just try and live as I am? All these questions are raised when I look at what I have, and that is something I cannot find happiness in.
I tried a load of things, to make myself feel better about me, in the way I look etc, to make help me deal with my issues. So I bought a ton of new clothes, changed my hair style, got a tan, built a up a six-pack and when I finally get all these things I feel no happier about myself. You could say: I’m constantly trying to prove something - I’m constantly trying to prove their is happiness within me, but where it is, seems to have gone astray. Help me find it won’t you? I’m sure the saying goes: “Money doesn’t buy happiness.” And it’s definitely true, as lots of ‘rich people’ seem to be unhappy. Am I like one of those rich people? I believe myself to be (although not rich).Why can’t a guy like me just live life normally, why is it so much ask? All I want to do is have a good time with people, have a laugh, drink or two. Share thoughts and feelings, have an actual ‘life’. I’m a definite recluse, all in my own world. It’s like I’m trapped in a room looking through a window seeing life pass by, and this person in the inside wants to get out and be like those on the outside. Life is beautiful and it is what you make it, but I want to experience it - what I experience is misery, as I cannot use what has been given to me in life, which makes me feel very unappreciative when I consider all those less fortunate in the world.
I feel almost exactly the way you do. Maybe I haven't been feeling this way as long as you have, I'm 16, but what you just said sums up a major problem of mine. I wish I knew what to do about it. I feel so empty inside, and I want to be strong. I want to be the kind of person that others can look up to when they need help, and I want to be confident and strong in the way I go about my life. Unfortunately, I feel lost and confused, I have poor social skills, I can't express myself easily, and I can't live up to the potential that I know I have for whatever reason - overwhelming doubt and self pity? I don't know. All I know is that I used to be happier than I am now, and although my social skills have always needed improvement, I just don't feel like I can be the person I want to be anymore.
Neo-Cortex, Frontal LobeBrainstem! Brainstem! Hippocampus, Neural Node, Right Hemisphere...