Hey all! I've been checking this forum for a while now finally got signed up. I know someone on this board and the names in reference to him im not trying to be crude or anything....

Anyhow...

Bear in mind im gettin this off my mind so it is longwinded but its how i saw it and it helps getting it down, so im using this post like a diary entry.

I see myself as a misunderstood character as much by myself as by other people. I don't think too highly of myself. I have pretty attactive friends (im a guy, from a womans perspective) and i dont think i am, certain angles i look ok others not so much. I'm pretty much underweight, an issue i hope to resolve shortly (Gym etc).

'Theres this girl...' the most common phrase on this forum it rings true to me also, personally its just to get it off my chest im not good with talking about my feelings with other people.

Im nearly 20, shes 17. Shes a friend of my sisters. Shes a stunner, shes fun, shes cool, whatever.

I on the other hand, although i personally am a pretty confident person. With almost anything bar relationships socially im pretty confident overall ie im happy to strut myself on stage in a nightclub without drinking without thinking anything of it but when a member of the oppiste sex is involved due to my physical insecurities im useless.

I think a couple of years ago she did fancy me but then life got in the way and our paths moved appart until about 2 weeks ago. Shes a good friend of my sisters and lately shes been round almost every night. I tend to have work to do or just nackard from work that day and not usually that receptive to her.

I've chatted to her a few times properly, being my sisters friend i don't like to do/say too much in front of them with her. We get on really well, we have a laugh etc, good sign. Last friday i didn't go out busy week too tired to. She came into my room stood in my doorway and said "How do i look?". Naturally i looked and said "Stunnin" (she really did). Then she asks "Do you think i look fat?" Of course i said "NO!". She then went on to ask what i was doing, what i was listening to. I was playing a game at the time and she had to do something but she said she was going to finish getting ready then she wanted t quick play, fair enough. She didn't actually come back but then again i think shes as unsure as i am.

How i looked at this is, why does she care what i think? Personally i think that she wanted me to see her looking her best. If it was me and i didn't have any interest in a person i certainly wouldant be asking their oppinion on my appearence because id expect a similar reaction to mine.

Thursday/Saturday following week. We were both out. Different people same places. On the thursday it was mostly a lads night out. Like i said i enjoy clubbing so i was really getting into it. I felt that she was trying to get in front of me, mostly it was her back i think she was trying to be subtle with her intentions. Now we go back to my flaw. I've danced with more fliratious women, knew exactly what i should be doint but havent. This case i very much ignored her (when she was watching me).

Saturday. Out with a few friends, had a few drinks went to a small club in town. She was working that night so she came in later. She came in walked over to me (i was sitting at the time) said "Hi" etc. Again didn't think much at time time but in heinsight i dont say hi to people unless i want them to know im here.

Went on the dance floor with the people i came out with got into it etc. Her and my sisters came on the floor. Again same vibe as the Thursday. She had her body a bit more into my that night. I didn't dance directly with her, but i danced a bit with my sisters and my friends i went there with. My sisters left the floor a bit later as did she. She came back by herself and dance with me and my 1 remaining friend on the floor. Again same vibe, prehaps if my mate wasnt there, ya never know. Eye contact was stronger but i played dumb. I left to get a drink. She rejoined my sisters. Whilst drinking i just stood overlooking the dancefloor, she was over to the left i was looking at her through the corner of my eye she did look a few times. Bit more dancing then me and me mates i went with go home. She says something like "Cya at home" (She stayed round that night like she quite often does). I didnt feel that good that night went into the toilets and i wasnt looking too hot it was a white light and my skin looked a bit nasty but in home mirror i was fine.

Next day.

My sister was doing her hair. I said something but didnt stay (sundays lazy day for me so i was a bit of a mess obviously didn't wanna hang around too long). She said something, forget what but me, her and my sister bein chatting. Had a few laughs general chit chat.

Then she says "If me and you went out and i came round would i come round to see you or your sisters most?" Something along those lines. Slightly shocked by the question my sister actually answered most of it. My other sister came back from work a bit later she was still having her hair done and she asked the same question to my sister.

How i saw this is if she can say something like that surely she can imagine the situation. I certainly wouldant say something like that to someone i don't find attractive.

Bit later she came in to my room i was playing a game and she started talking about a game she used to like when she was younger. Then she got picked up and left. Again why was she telling me all that?

I'll probably lay in bed now and run this through again. I mean i felt some subtle hints of attraction on her behalf but the biggest issue is the fact she is round a lot and shes my sisters friend. I'd just find that the situation could get a bit awkward and i dont really like discussing my private life with my sisters, especially what im doing with her friend. If she actually said her intentions i would take her up on her offer but at this point i dont really know what to think/say/do. Especially with how i feel about myself. I mean how can i expect someone to find me attractive if i dont find myself attractive?

I think i got most of that outta my system. Thankyou for reading, any ideas, oppinions, comments would be apreciated. Thanks!