Sorry if this is long but i would really appreciate any advice:
I guess I'll start at the begining. I am a 17, soon to be 18 year old male. I had a very rough childhood. I didn't have many friends, i had real bad acne, i was scrawny, shy, and because off everything, epsecially the acne, i endured much being made fun of. It got so bad that i didn't want to go to school anymore, and during lunch i would stay in the bathroom for the whole 50 min lunch period and hide, instead of going to the cafeteria. I was always called shit like pimple, roudoughl the reindeer (sp?) and countless others names. When it came to girls, some were kind to me but no one was ever interested in me. I sat out during spin the bottle games knowing that i would just be rejected anyway. I became very depressed and hated life, and became extremley shy and lost all confidence in myself.
Freshmen year of high school started, i left most of the people from middle school behind. Even though i was still insecure, i opened up a little, but not much. Eventually to some miracle and witht he help of accutane my acne completly went away, my body took a more desirable form, i cleaned myself up, started taking care of myself. And im still pondering how but i turned out to be one of the best looking guys in my school (i'm not conceded just been told this from random people) I just did a 360 turn and i have to admit i am extremly happy with my physical appearnce.
I recently switched to a new school, i don't know that many people, and i have made a few friends, not a lot, but some.
Now il get to the point, when it comes to meeting new people, making friends, especially with girls, i have no self confidence. My confidence was shattered from all those years that i was harassed, ridiculed, and embarassed, and i never regained it. I am insecure with myself, espcially emotionally. There are exceptions where for some reason i am outgoing, but that is rare, and for the most part i am very shy and intimidated. I have not had a girlfriend in a year (not that girls havnt been interested i am just very picky). I just recently ended a relationship with a girl who i was very interested in, but she just got out of one and didnt wanta bf at the moment, and it left me once again crestfallen...i still think about her sometimes. Its left me feeling empty, and unhappy. i disguise it like i',m ok but im really not. I am to insecure to talk to other girls, i just dont have the confidence. I am not sexually desperate, however i am desperate for a female companion. I just feel like i am very plain, boring personality wise, and my shattered confidence and insecurities prevent me from meeting new people, girls, and "fitting in". My grades suffer becasue of this and i feel very empty inside. My friends all have gf's and are constantly with them, ruling out that aspect of companionship.
I just see all these good looking guys going up to people, both males and girls, joking around with them...having a good time, laughing, going after gf's, getting them, and filled with confidence. I just wish i could be like that. Sorry for the long post
As far as my luck with girls goes, i attract them psycially guess. But that only lasts for a week or so until they realize i have no confidence or personality and then they leave..and i get hurt