How do I tell her...

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I'm probably going to bitch for a while. Every since my last real break up. I can't seem to recover from it. All these guys I know, I've dated seem to want me for sex or just do something totally mean. I think I was fed up with them when I stopped finding them well good enough for me( and my standards are pretty simple). I think this might trigger me to start liking girls.I started liking my friend. I started realizing I was bi. I was disgusted. I discovered my feelings for her on a field trip to a college. I looked at her when she was sleeping, she just looked so perfect...so sweet. I was crying because I am totally against me being lesbian. I'm basically everything I hate(I don't hate lesbians, But I never thought I would kinda be one)Well. I don't know if I still like her. But from time to time I see myself checking girls out and to me guys are just well nothing. I am still in love with my ex bf though. He's my last and only man I think I'll love.My friend though...she's just so much more perfect than anything. I know nothing will ever happen because I use to be a homophobe, she was too. If I tell her...I know everything in our friendship will stop. I just feel like I need her to know. I've never told anyone I'm bi, this is the first place I've told. She's just...so funny, she's so caring, so beautiful. Trust me every guy tells her she's hot. I think she is too. I always thought so, but this is the first time I've thought of her like that.I'm just so disgusted with myself. Do you think its ever possible to just get totally sick of men that you would turn bi? Or is it somehting thats always inside you but it just comes out randomly and you accept it?I wanna tell my best friend, but I can't. To me its just too hard to let anyone really close to me to know I am. And I know she'll give me that oh its normal bullshit. I'm looking for a real answer...well I don't even know what I want now. All I wanna know is....you think I should tell her? And How do I cope with this, this has been going on for a month. This seems like a small thing, but to me I think its going to change my life....

In reply to: I'm just so disgusted with myself. Do you think its ever possible to just get totally sick of men that you would turn bi? Or is it somehting thats always inside you but it just comes out randomly and you accept it? Well i am a guy so iono about that. However i can give you my opinion. I think what it may be is that you were always like this. You may have always been bi. But lately you've been fet up with guys so it caused you to, well, hate them all. If you loved this guy as much as it sounds like, then a breakup or whatever it may have been will really hate you and cause u to be in disgust. Then again on the flip side it just may be in your head. It may be something you think you feel but you really dont. I dont know im confusing myself with this reply cuz theres to many thoughts going through my head about it. Well sorry if im no help im tryin, does ne of this make sense to u?

Sad that there has to be so much to consider when the idea of bi comes up. Family, and friends to be lost. I don't know if your friend would tell anyone, but if she wouldn't you should confide in her about it. I mean, it would be like asking a really great guy friend out, and risking loosing that friendship. If the risk is only loosing her, I would say go for it.I just wonder if you should see how you feel if you were to try a relationship with someone else though who wasn't so close to your life, and see if you could sort some of your emotions out in a "emotionally safer" place. You might try it and decide that it REALLY isn't you, or that it is and then you can confront all the other fears once you know for sure. Good luck to you.

This is a tough one. Your feelings may be somewhat erratic after a difficult breakup, especially if you're still not over the guy. You're probably longing for love after your break up, and right now your best friend is the closest that you have giving you that love.I'm not trying to say you're not bi - that's up to you, I think that if you had a satisfying relationship with a guy these feelings for your friend would stop. I do think that you're yearning for some love and she's the closest you have at the moment, so you've built these feelings for her.What's with the guy trouble? If you feel that they're using you for sex, don't have sex too early in the relationship, and tell them so. Wait at least six months or more, or tell them no sex before marriage. You'll know then that if they hang around it's for real. I wish you luck in finding the right person - guy or gal.As for telling your friend... I'd probably tell her, if she's a true friend she'll either say 'I'm flattered, but no thanks' and leave it at that, or she may be all up for it. I'm a guy, and I've had a good friend try it on me, and I basically said no thanks, but we can stay as good friends as ever. He pushed it and pushed it, then pushed some more. I grew a little frustrated but never held it against him. We're still good friends but he's move on to gay guys now and is as happy as ever.

I think you might be onto something SilentRain. I don't know, I just guess I'm still messed up from it...maybe its because I'm still a teenager. Well about the man wanting sex thing. No I'm not easy, I usually try to wait about 4 months before we get into anything real serious, but the guys I've dated always wanted to make out or something of that sort. While I just wanted to hang out and maybe just cuddle. I've only dated some of those guys for a month and they already want me to blow them...I know I have more dignity than that. Well I don't think I should tell me friend. I don't want a relationship between her, and I believe what you're saying is right. I am absolutely still hung up on my ex. I can't stop thinking about him...I guess to me he was close to perfection...I don't think any man can replace him. Or anything.The guys I've dated all wanted to get to third base even though we've been dating for only a month. Some of them..just seem too boring...Its maybe something I gotta fight out inside.Well as I know her. She won't ever be able to accept it if any girl liked her. She's a good friend but way too emotional..this would probably scare her. She is still a good friend though. I like the things between us. We have fun and stuff...thats all I want for now. Hm. I guess I'm just confused and I gotta live with the fact I'm still in love with my ex. I don't know if he still loves me though...from time to time..I think he does. But from time to time I think he still hates me..for all the shit I gave him...

Well good luck and best wishes in moving on. It's tough, but when you can move on your emotions will probably be much more understandable - not for me, but for yourself. You'll feel more 'level' I suppose.You need to decide whether you want to act on these feelings for your ex, rather than these (what I think are) erratic feelings for your female friend. Or, you need to accept that you're hurting yourself dwelling on him and then move on If so - try to get out more and do things that keep your mind off him, then once you're and and about and leading a relatively fun life you'll see that there is light at the end of the tunnel.See you 'round.

I think the world is messing with me lol. Because I totally go out everyday. Hang out and have fun. Except about 80% of the time the places I go...he seems to be there with his friends....so I would just like be sitting in a movie theater watching some movie. Then I realize he's right behind me...and its really hard for me to get over him when he's everywhere I am.I've tried going to places he probably would never go to. It works from time to time but sometimes I still see him walking by. This is not a small town...and somehow..I always see him.

Move to Australia!

In reply to: Do you think its ever possible to just get totally sick of men that you would turn bi? Or is it somehting thats always inside you but it just comes out randomly and you accept it? it is both. i think it has to be something inside you to make/allow you to be interested in the same sex. you may never realize it until some situation happens. like being hit on by someone of the same sex, or being in a situation where all of a sudden you go "oh, wow, she's hot!". or, yes, you end up in a relationship or a series of relationships over time that are for some reason really bad or good and end badly. and, as i have found, most of this is due to communication problems and, more importantly, the difference between men and women. without going into a lot of stuff, basically the way men vs women live, relate, what their values are, what their goals are, what they need, what they want. in my experience, women are much more open, vulnerable, loving, emotional, communicative, honest, wanting to please, etc. and biologically wired for most of that. men....are not.so, what could be more attractive emotionally, (and for women, emotions/sex are extremely closely tied), than another woman? combine that with some bad experiences with men, a leaning (known or not) to open sexuality, and there you have it. a perfectly normal (and confusing) interest in other women.you could end up not liking it, or really liking it, or somewhere in between. back to your particular situation, i'm not sure. but i personally would not advise telling your best friend of your feelings for her, from what you described above. doesn't sound like it would work at all, and might end your friendship. if you want to experiment, go elsewhere. and, from the first paragraph in your post: In reply to: All these guys I know, I've dated seem to want me for sex or just do something totally mean. perhaps you are choosing the wrong guys! i know for myself, when i was young, was attracted to some real jerks. not because they were jerks, but because they were a certain type that tended to be jerks. start looking at the guys that don't jolt you. the quiet, nice guys, that you typically only consider a friend. those types are often the very best boyfriends.

This is probably a bullshit response but here goes.I am totally straight. I mean so straight it hurts sometimes. I kind of understand some people are a little more hazey.But I am the most comfortable with men and always have been. I don't think anyone gets me better than my best friends.But when it comes down to it, I want to have sex with women. Period. Now, do you want to have sex with this person? Or do you idolize them? Because there's people out there who think the Ferrari Modena is the most beautiful thing they've ever seen, but most don't want to fuck it.If you feel like there's sexual attraction and there's no chance I would say forget about it. Sometimes it's best not to tell someone if there's no hope. Once told someone who was engaged and regret it now.I know it really sucks when you're looking for someone new after a good relationship has ended but there are good guys out there and I know it feels like no one will ever match the one before. Just don't put your ex on a pedestal too much. Not every guy is the same and you can't judge us all the same way. And remember, if it was easy to find a diamond, they wouldn't be worth anything.[disclaimer: diamonds aren't TOO,TOO hard to find, but DeBeers likes to limit the supply to increase the value] ...Wow, I sound like one of those afternoon specials!

Well again..I hope she doesn't come to these forums. Uhh...I don't even know if I liked her in the first place. On sunday we had so much fun, we hung out..had lots of laugh. We then swam in the night in our regular clothing. It was so much fun! She looked gorgeous swimming in the water in those tight jeans and see through shirt...yea uhm. I thought I really did like her. I would never want a relationship nor experiment with girls...for now I guess. Today we ditched two classes. The first 50 minutes we got lost...the whole time she was whining...(her) WHERE ARE WE?!?! She repeated that about every 5 seconds..I got really annoyed but I didn't say anything. Then we found our way out we hung out for the remainder 45 minutes just talking and drinking stuff. It was fun..but today I just didn't feel...right. Something in my heart is making me feel weird. I dunno what it is. I mean yea it was great...but it wasn't what I expected...I don't think I really like her today...its weird.I still think she's pretty hot..but I just don't have that happy feeling no more for her...Yea I pretty much guess I should get over my ex. I just had false hope maybe he still liked me. He hasn't dated anyone for the past 11 months...or ever since we broke up...well I don't think he's dated anyone else. I've never seen him with anyone but my other ex...or his best friend. Its just...my ex friend and I were walking to the lunch line. She was like pushing me toward him..she's not helping and I'm pretty pissed off cause she knows my situation...all I could do was look up and I saw he was there. I blushed a bit and laughed...then I smacked my friend....Well so then I go to the lunch line...and I guess he followed me there. Or he just wanted to buy something. I saw him there...and well yea that actually did make my day. I dunno I guess I'm just thinking too much into him...I always try to get my mind off him..but its hard. I know there's no good even if I go back to him..because all we ever did was...stuff....I have a pretty messed up high school life..lol I guess its true that its drama central.

I see where you're coming from AsianPlayboy. I do think that the erratic feelings for your friend are probably just because you're wanting love, and have lots of love to give I suppose, and she's the person you're around the most, closest to. (I think) your emotions just want to get out there, and be reciprocated.

Don't worry - she probably is pretty hot, there are some guys I see that make me think wow - he's hot/attractive, but for me I suppose it's just rating how good the guy looks. Though I'm hetero - I can still identify guys that generally look good.

Thanks Silent Rain lol, you're being really helpful.

Scientists have a theory about how men turn gay...here goes.If a man's mother has had other sons before, he's more likely to be gay. This is because the protiens responible for the mental development of a male (makes him THINK like a man) are counter-acted by hormone's in the mother's body (which improve after each child), but these chemicals that control mental stimulation are different from the ones responsible for making the male parts form. Thus, it's a man with all parts intact, but his mind was affected by these chemicals in the womb that "de-masculinized" his mind, so he thinks more like a woman, and is attracted to males.I'm not sure if it's true or not, but it is a theory.However, They seem to think lesbian/bi is totally random...