Howdy all,I have been feeling very unusual this week, almost an amplification of my normal anxiety and it all kicked off from the weekend.BTW - I am new here as I was searching for advice and came across this forum and thought "This is exactly the same as me" so thought I would post my story here.Anyway.. I am a 29 year old Aussie living in the UK, I act the part but don't really feel it, I personally think I have some sort of social phobia as I have no conversation and when I'm with people I don't know, I just shut up shop.. no words come from my mouth, I think it is because I am scared to look stupid but everyone looks stupid so why can't I..Now, back to my weekend.. went to dinner at my mate's house, him and his missus cooked me a beautiful meal and then we went out to meet his friends at the local pub\club.. he plays footie so he friends are all footie guys and all seem to be cool and pick up chicks and all that.. I have known some of them for years but just don't click at all..So after the pub\club my mate went home and I went to the after club with the footie guys.. great night out, had a few pills and lots of coke..Now I ended up at these footy guys place in the morning, well I kind of invited myself around and ended up staying with them.. the problem I have is that they kept talking and joking between themselves and I couldn't say anything.. is this the drugs.. personally I find I have trouble making conversation at the best of times.. needless to say I didn't make any friends as I came across as boring.. "he's giving me nothing" is a phrase that was used.. now I knew I should say something but just couldn't I had nothing inside of me apart from paranoia..So, on from there.. I ended up spending the entire day with these guys, mainly because I didn't want to go home but also because they are fun and we were doing drugs and it seemded all good.. but after a while I think I was definetly unwanted and I am having a lot of trouble dealing with that..By the end of the night I was so paranoid, I thought everyone was against me.. and they were, one guy came up to me and said something like "you got to get involved man, stop standing around doing nothing", but I was just hammered.. and like I said I was with people I didn't really know.. but that really kicked my paranoia off.. or amplified it.. what an asshole... I really didn't need that..Is it the drugs which fucked me up? I think I am just a loser.. was I hanging out with people who wouldn't like me whatever.. I just feel really fucked off.. it is hard to explain as my mind is not consistent with what I feel about the weekend.. one day I say fuck'em.. the next I say it was my fault.. I don't like the thought that I came across as so weak and boring.. I don't think I am like that but they are all just such strong personalities I dim in comparison..Basically I feel like I am unlikable, and don't know what to do.. it just fucks me off that I was not liked.. I never used to be like that.. I'm sure.. can you burn your personality out with drugs? it seems that way.. I have never been comforfable around people and social scenes.. maybe the drugs just amplify that.. I don't know.. I don't expect any answers I just wanted to get this off my chest.. funny how I can put this down on the internet for the whole world to see but can't talk to my best mates about it..And that is that.. I will get over it I am sure.. I am having trouble taking to my mate now as I am ashamed that he will find out what a loser I really am and then I won't have any friends.. but even now I can't hang out with him cause I really couldn't deal with his friends now..Well, I guess I sound really pathetic but I don't know.. I'm a bit lost at the moment.. So, anyway.. don't worry about me, I'll be alright in a while. just had to get this out.. there are a lot of people who need help more than me.. I shouldn't be complaining..Thanks anywaybrad
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Bad weekend.. feeling unliked..
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I'm only 15 so I dont know if anything I can think up of can help. I also have trouble speaking with people. Even when I am with a girl that Ive known for 2 years, I still dont know what to say in many situations. But now I am trying to speak up. I guess you should just practice speaking, thinking up of things to say. I would suggest you lay of the drugs even if it is the problem or not. Maybe your just hanging out with the wrong type of people. I hoped I helped, good luck!
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Hey hon, firstly welcome to the boards hugsecondly, if i were you i would stay off the drugs, they are making you paranoid, giving you a feeling of no confidence, and basically making you a boring person to be around. People obviously do care about you, as your freinds cooked you a wonderful meal etc, and it seemed to me that people were wanting you to join in, but you couldn't cos of the drugs. Be yourself, and I would bet that you would find it a lot easier to join in and people would actually want to spend time with you. It sounds like you have people who give a shit - i have never understood why people need drugs to socialise - in my humble opinion I think it makes people seem weak and pathetic but thats my personal opinion.And as for complaining hon - no worries
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Wow, thanks for the advice, to be honest I am feeling a lot better at the moment, I think just writing all that kind of stuff down gets it out the system and really makes you think about things.Reading your advice and looking back at what I wrote it seems pretty clear what my problem was.. it's wasn't me as such.. I was pretty messed up.. and too be honest I don't really get on with those guys, I never really have.. I do get on with my friends though so what the hell am I doing feeling sorry for myself?It amazing how far opinions of ourselves can change, and how that opinion really does effect the way we deal with other people and how they deal with us.So at leasy my first step is pretty clear no more little extras when I go out and I can take it from there. I mean if I was out with my friends and decided to sit and not speak they would just leave me alone and not even worry about it. If I don't want to say anything it is nothing wrong.. just a bit weird is all Anyway, this site is cool and you are abosolute legends in my book. I really do feel much better.Cheersbrad
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In reply to: Anyway, this site is cool and you are abosolute legends in my book. whooooohoooooo a legend.............is that like a good legend or a bad slightly strange legend???? laffinIn reply to: I really do feel much better. I am soooo glad you feel better hon big hugs