Hi, first time poster so be gentle :POK, last year I met a girl, and we got together and were together for 6 months in total, it ended in November when she got a new job that took up too much time for her to see me (or so she says).Now being honest I can't say it was the greatest 6 months of my life. She would very rarely ever make the effort to see me...but I fell in love with her anyway. I mean, really deeply in love.So we split up, and loose contact up till xmas eve, where she comes to see me at work and asks to come to my birthday in january. from then on we spoke once a week, maybe more...up until present day.Problem is, I still love her...and I can't get over her.Today she invited me to go for a walk with her (her dog came) and it was fairly pleasant. I mentioned that I heard she had another boyfriend (which I had heard) and she said she hadn't, but was set up with one yesterday. She said he was horrible and wasn't interested, but it made me think that she's obviously looking now...which crushed me. Hearing she's now looking, and hasn't asked me hurt really bad.Anyhow, throughout the evening she was acting very nice to me, and even changed clothes into a really revealing top (in which she kept leaning over to me in). She mentioned that she had started wearing a ring that I bought during out relationship again, and asked permission for it to be a "friendship ring".So now I'm really confused about the messages she's sending out.1. she invites me for a walk and then to her house...2. she mentions that she has been looking for boyfriend3. she wore revealing clothes4. she mentioned the ringNow I'm stuck, cos I want her back so badly.So firstly I want your opinion on her actions...good or bad and why...secondly, if these signs are bad, I desperately need help in getting over her.Finding someone else isn't easy because she's the only girlfriend I've ever had (I'm 21) and I've had no luck since.I need help badly
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Need advice on what to do next...
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Ask her, neversayever. She may be hinting that she would like you to ask her. She may feel that the guy must always make the the overt move. Ask her if she would like to go out with you or she if just wants friendship.
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She may be innocently stringing you along, or she may be selfishly stringing you along, keeping you as a place to get a hug when she's not in a relationship (search for the term "cuddle bitch), or she may be waiting for you to make a move.
In reply to:
Ask her if she would like to go out with you or she if just wants friendship.
...or you'll never know. If she's interested, then great. If not, then you really need to disconnect yourself emotionally from her and move on.
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Thats what I need help with though. It's been 4 months and I still love her like I did when we were together. I juct can't let her go and I don't know how I can do it.At the moment I don't think I could be friends with her if that's what she wanted, as I would become horribly jealous and upset if she did get someone else, which is why this is now becoming a problem for me.
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join the clubi actually stopped talking to the guy i am in love with because i wanted him so bad and i couldnt have him.... it didnt help and when ever he mentions his new g/f i get pissedok so to answer your question she wants you she may not love you but she wants you you can take the chance and ask her out or you could just lean it and kiss her (it being impromptu makes it better) or since you love her and she might not love you you could cut all ties and try to forget about her again and dont let her come back cuz your heart will breaktake your chances with a girl in a club or cafe go up to the girl sitting in the corner watching the couples dance or sipping her coffee while looking at the pair to her right..... her noticing ppl in relationships means she wants one (unless she has a ring on her finger... then that means "stay far away unless you want my hubby to cut your throat")
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What do you make of the friendship ring thing though. To me it sounded like her way of saying "you have no chance, sor forget it"or am I reading it wrong?
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So you're afraid to find out that she might not want to go out with you.In reply to: I juct can't let her go and I don't know how I can do it.It sounds like you're in love with the concept rather than the person, if she doesn't feel the same way about you.If she's not interested in going out with you, then it would be better for you not to see her for a while. If she really cares about you, she will understand.Or she may just want to go out with you if you ask her.Life is complicated.
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OK well I asked her, and now she's not talking to me, so I guess that speaks for itself really.Gutted
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It's much better to know than to put your life on hold indefinitely. Now you can start to heal, even if you feel like total crap for a while. You need to greive. It will get better. It really will.
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Yeah I agree, but the question is, HOW do I get over her?If I haven't been able to for 4 months so far, what chance do i have now?
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i know its cheesy hon, but time IS a great healer - you will get over her, and find someone who loves you and who you love, give yourself time to feel the hurt your feeling (you will anyway) and then one day you will wake up and find it doesn't hurt quite so much. Take Care.
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OK, I'm finding this REALLY hard :frowning:
I'm thinking about her all day long.
Whats hit me is that I've not only lost a girlfriend, but a friend as well :frowning:I don't know what I can do...
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Stop whining and ask her already then.
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Er...if you look a few posts back, you'll see I have.Please pay attention
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In reply to:OK well I asked her, and now she's not talking to me, so I guess that speaks for itself really.He already asked her. Now he's trying to deal with the loss.
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Men are from Mars, women from Venus. You have a crush on her. She doesn't have a crush on you. Yet you still have the opportunity to win her heart.Let her have her space when she shows this need. But keep trying to make an emotional connection. When you can, acknowledge her feelings, not with "I know how you feel," but with something to show that you heard her. And share your feelings with her. Have the courage to pour out your heart to her. She can't break it more than it already has been. Let the river flow where it may. If you flow apart, at least you will be more equipped to develop a relationship in the future.
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In reply to: Men are from Mars, women from Venus loved that book some of it was utter crap, but some stuff really made sense!
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That advice all sounds wonderful, and I would like to follow that path - but she's not talking to me. She's cut me off from her life, so I would take that to mean that she's really just plain not interested. She's not answering her phone calls, messages or anything.
So I need to find a way forward :frowning: -
unfortunatly i agree with ya hon, if shes being so ignorant then she aint interested :frowning:
The way forward..........i don't think there is a magic solution, find something to do to occupy your mind so your not thinking about her all the time, put away (or throw away) anything she gave you etc, take her number off your fone so you can't contact her, you sound like you have accepted she isn't interested anymore, and given time it won't hurt as much, but for now, try and fill your life with friends and things to do, and you won't miss her so much, hopefully *hugs* -
Men are from Mars, women from Venus--I haven't read the book, but got the jist of it secondhand. She's not answering her phone calls, messages or anything.So I need to find a way forward--She may be turned off by your neediness. Going forward may be greiving the loss... and who knows what the future holds.