Hi all,Some might recall a post I made almost a year ago when my g/f was in Korea.Anyway, I tried breaking it off then and it failed. She's in Korea on a holiday again, and it's come to a similar point this year. I've chatted this over with some people to get some opinions. Most say we should just call it quits. Some seem adamant that "love conquers all" and that we should/can sort it out.What's your opinion on this? I think that the love conquers all theory is bullshit. The issue is that my g/f doesn't like living in Australia (she's done so for the last 5 years) and cannot live without her family any longer. She wants me to move to Korea. Some people say that if it were true love, one of us would sacrifice out homeland/family etc and move.However, I don't think that love alone can make you happy. Being happy with your life incorporates many aspects - your partner, your environment, your surroundings, your health, your family, your job or career, and your attitude etc.We've lived here in Australia together for the past 4 years. I've setup foundations here for our future (own a business and recently bought a house). In Korea, neither of us have jobs/careers, a home etc. Nothing. I'd need to learn the language fully before I could progress.What do you all think? Would you give up the foundations that you have to please your partner, and move to their homeland and start all over again? I don't expect her to live here any longer if she dislikes it here either, as she'd generally be unhappy. I want her to be happy, and for her that means living in Korea. I just know we'd have a better life here and I don't want to move.TIA.
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Love conquers all - just BS?
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Hey hon, what a decision you have to make!
from a personal point of view, my fiance left everything he had known and moved to be with me, however, we are still in the UK (he was in england and i was in scotland met over the internet blah blah blah LOL) so no language barriers etc, plus i already had my house, and job etc up here, he came up for a holiday one week and never left. We do go down to visit his parents etc every year and my parents live only 3 miles away from me. However, i don't know if i could do the same, I am a real homebody, he isn't, my freinds, family and enviroment as very important to me, and well he always says he felt at home here the moment he got here.
The question to ask yourself is could you be happy, where you are (given time) without her, if the answer is yes then stay, grieve, and get on with your life - if the answer is no, then you have to take a chance, and jump in with both feet and move with her! -
Hey thank you Angelwitch.It is a tough one and we've deliberated over it for a long time, it pops up now and again.I feel that I can live without her, but I don't want to hurt her. On the other hand, I want her to be happy, and that can't happen here in Australia. 75% of her always wants to go back home.I think I was selfish early on in the relationship and expected that she'd stay here forever. We met in Australia - she was living here for a year (study). I think that I ignored that she didn't like it here, and that it would come to this. Now, four years on it's just that much harder.This is hard. I've been torn for the past two weeks.
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Are you asking a philosophical question, or are you taking a survey to determine whether you're going to move to Korea?Do you have a prospect of working in Korea? How about language? Have you ever been there? How much will you miss your friends and family? Are you an adventurous traveler?A lot depends on your personality. If you're like Angel's significant other, it's possible. I know a French woman who got a job in Scotland, met and married a Scottish guy, and is now living here in the U.S. with her husband and two kids. She had no problem fitting in and making friends. But she speaks absolutely fluent English.If you don't speak the language, you will be isolated. And if you're a "homebody", it will be very difficult. But if you're a real adventurer, it might work.Given the divorce rate in the U.S. and Europe, I'd have to conclude that love does not conquer all.
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In reply to:
Hey thank you Angelwitch.
Please call me Angel, its actually my real name (yeah i know my parents were on drugs or somat!!!)
This decision will hurt a lot, but all i can say is go with your gut feeling, I always trust my first feelings about things and they are generally spot on. If you need to have a moan to someone feel free to PM me, and good luck with the decision it won't be easy *hugs* -
hey matesorry to see you posting the same thing again you know my stance on you 2, sorry it hasn't worked outto your more general question, i have to say that i would get up and move for the one i love. i'd follow Him to the end of the earth, and give all to Him. but then again, i'm a religious nut, so what does my views play? :Phowever if it were regarding a chick and not God, then i'd say you're right, that happiness may depend on a lot of things. but everyone is different, some may find all the happiness in the one they come home to, whereas others need it all day at their job that they strive for.it really comes down to youif you're having these thoughts, then i'd say that a lot of your happiness will pend on your roots here in australia...hope this helps in some way
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Thanks all.SteveA - it's just a philosophical thing, and doesn't have any bearing on whether I stay or go . Sorry if it was misleading. It's just that I've had some people say that either she doesn't love me or that I don't love her because neither of us will move. Well, my gf already lives here in Australia, but is in Korea on a holiday. We met here, she's fluent in English etc and has quite a few Australian credentials through study.I do not have a degree yet (it was something I planned, and had enrolled for, but I started my business by accident). In Korea it's an unspoken rule that you must have a degree to get any job. The only job I'd be able to start in would be teaching English, and even for this you need a degree (in anything - you just have to have one). So basically no work prospects.I speak a little Korean. I expect it'd take me a year living there to learn it pretty well. I've studied it for 1.5 years at night (just two nights per week). I have been there, was Ok as a holiday but I couldn't live there. I wouldn't miss family and friends that much - I get by alone very well.I'm somewhat adventurous but still cautious. That's why I've bought a house etc and grown this business/career. I don't want to risk losing the house, and closing the business etc, as we have nothing over there yet. I've always been a planner - investing in the future rather than spending today's wages. That doesn't mean that we don't have fun. We still go out, eat out etc regularly. I know that if I worked just as hard there, we'd not live as comfortably as we are here in Oz.I think I was somewhat ignorant and selfish, as when we met she was living here. I thought she'd always just stay.Thank you Angel. Now that's the first time I've seen someone with the name Angel! No, my name isn't Silent, or Rain. It's Steve! Thanks for the support Edit: Howdy cool I didn't see your post! I think I was composing this one as you posted yours. Yes, it's happening again, a bit of a rollercoaster I can tell you.
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It really sounds like you're lukewarm on the relationship. Are you sure you're ready to give up your house, business, family, friends, culture, etc. for the hope that the relationship will work, under what, for you, will be very stressful conditions?
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In reply to: Thank you Angel. Now that's the first time I've seen someone with the name Angel! No, my name isn't Silent, or Rain. It's Steve! Thanks for the support Anytime hon, honestly, Im a good listener (talk a lot of rubbish sometimes but a good listener:) ) oh and steve (silentrain)big hugs I hope it all works out for ya.
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Thank you guys and gals.SteveA you are correct, it that I do feel the relationship has gone sour. However, I'm always wanting to 'give it another go', because as we talk about some issues we progress and improve and it gives me hope.Here's an update: I told her to stay in Korea. I explained how I do not want her to live her life being sad, depressed and unhappy because she doesn't like it here. I'd feel guilty because she's here just for me, knowing that she hates everything else.She had been telling me for the past two-three weeks how she doesn't want to come back, and that she wanted to stay there and build a life there. She tried talking me into going there. Then, when I told her to stay in Korea (as I believe she'd be happier once she got over me) she changed her mind and said that she wants to come back. However I know she'll come back, and be happy for a couple of weeks, then she'll end up sad and depressed, and she'll want to go back. I know this because we did exactly the same thing last year. (See this thread): http://www.afraidtoask.com/forums/showflat.php?Cat=&Board=UBB14&Number=111748&page=0&view=collapsed&sb=5&o=&fpart=1She spoke with her parents and even they said it would not be wise to sacrifice the 5 years worth of foundations that we have established here. She wants to come back and try again, but I still don't think she'll be happy here, which saddens me.My heart keeps telling me to try again. After talking with her last night she says that she understands what I'm doing here for us, and she seems a whole lot more understanding, like she wants to try harder to live here happily. My heart listens to this and wants her to come back, but my head remembers that she said this last year, and that we'll be doing this again soon and that she'll still be unhappy here.Who is right - my head or my heart? I need to lose one of them! It'd make my life easier I really hate hurting her. I don't want to. I wish that she hated me.
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why will it be any different to last time?it saddens me because it seems as though you are going around in unhappy circles...my advice remains the same as last time, cause i dont want to see you here again in 1 years time, posting the same problem for the third time...