Well heres my situation. Ive been with my girlfriend for about a month and we argue alot and well, theres just somethin missing. Well i dont know what it is but last night we got in a big fight. You see she has a problem with the fact that we are so different. She likes to drink and party, i dont. She goes out with her friends every night, i dont. You see durin the week i dont go out cuz i have so much shit with work n school i just cant. Plus, well i like to be home i dont like to go out alot. The other thing is she calls me a mommas boy and says its to wierd. I love my mom and shes like my best friend, im 20 years old and im not gonna be living here forever so i spend alot of time with my mom while i can. We go shopping alot, hell she sometimes comes with me to dr's appointments, i dont know we just are close like that. I mean i spend time with her and ima complete gentleman and sometime i just want to hear a thank you every once n a while, but she cant do that. I guess you can say im that nice guy theory, and its like i always finish last. I think the only reason im with her still is because of her looks, and i dont want to be single. I was single for a year and i hated it because i was so lonely. I dont know what to do now im stuck, someone please help me
What do i do?!?!?!
Hon, you don't need this girl in your life, and if your only dating her for her looks then you shouldn't be with her anyway hon, there has to be something else.
Life is too short to be with someone you don't even get on with.
There is NOTHING wrong with your relationship with your mom, I hope i have the same kinda thing with my kids AND I know a few teenage boys who have a great relationship with their mums, in fact, we went out clubbing with a friend, her 17 year old, and his mates, and had a riot.
You sound like a really nice guy, and there will be someone out there who loves you for exactly the things this other girl is moaning about.
Don't stay in a relationship that is destructive just because you don't want to be single. For a start you might miss out on the love of your life cos your taken - by someone you don't want - Enjoy the time you spend with your mom, enjoy doing the things you like doing, You know there is no point going out with this girl, and you could live without the hassle and arguments I'm sure. hugs
Get a taste of Old Time Religion..........lick a witch grin<br />
I TOTALLY agree with angel. It sucks to be alone, but don't be tied up with the wrong one for too long, you (like angel said) might miss out on the RIGHT one because your taken.
Lonliness vs. fighting...Hmmm, I would take lonely anyday!
It doesn't sound like you have an empty life, someone who appriciates that will be along to share it with you.
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." -- Theodor Seuss Geisel <br /><br />
You didnt really give much info to base any good feedback upon. However this isnt about this nice guys finish last thing. Its not just being a gentleman that makes You a nice guy. Also, its not a nice guy who is with a girl just because of her looks and fearing to be single. But thats not the point.
And Your problem IS Your mother. Its so obvious. You are however taking it somewhat bad way, and the fact that You live at home is an obvious indicator that in fact Your girl is right.
Im close to my mother. But Im also close to many other people. And in that situation, things like this need to be set straight, since relationships require sacrifices from both ends.
Your mother should be just like other important people in Your life. If You set her above Your girlfriend, then its wrong. You didnt say alot more than just that You dont have time to go out to parties Your girl goes to, but You have helluva day with Your mother all the time.
I mean, beat me if You want, but its not the way You think it is. She is right.
What You need to do is either start actually going out with Your friends, and not just with Your mom. No matter, shopping, dr's appointments or whatever. Dont give me this "work school" bs, it is not so. I work half a day and study the other half, and still do have time for the important people in my life. I divide this time. So should You, mother gets some time, and no more, NO MORE than other people You care about. In the situation You claim You are in, You dont really have alot of free time and in this situation if You DO want to keep the girl, then You need to take such steps.
Mostly though, ask Yourself, is she the person You want to be with? Do You love her? Is it possible that some day You could love her more than any other person?
If You ask annswer two of these questions "no", then You should leave Her behind and try and straighten up Your future about Your mother. Because, it seems, that in such a case when Your mother is in question, You would currently answer all of these questions with a "yes".
Theres nothing wrong in that, but unless You are capable of "being a grownup", You wont have any healthy relationships with girls when Your mother is far more important.
Get Your priorities straight. A girl doesnt have to be in Your life just for fun, just for sex or for just being there so You wouldnt be alone.
If Youd love Your girl, Im sure You wouldnt be here asking the questions..
I think Chris said it all
Still searching ...
Thank you angel, thats what everyone has been telling me and it makes alot of sense. As for what chris said, how could u say i didnt give enough info? what the hell were you lookin for, a 5 page essay? And to say that it is a problem that im close to my mom is ridiculous. Of course im still at home im 20 years old, its 2005 man get with it u dont need to be married and in ur own house by 18 nemore. What you said sounded just as ridiculous as what my gf (ex gf) said. Yea i broke up with her because i lost everything i had for her when she made all those idiotic remarks. She is the one that is immature for what she said to me and just a flat out hypocrite. My mom is the most important woman in my life and will always be. She brought me into this world and would do absolutely anything for me. Girlfriends are seen on a different level, of course they mean alot to me but u cant compare them to a mother. Nor can you compare best friends to a brother. You can never replace family with anyone else. Blood is Blood and unless you spend time with your family you'll never be a real man.
Sorry but it's obvious you don't take criticism well... no one was trying to insult you, yet you act ilke you were... chris just said what he thought so don't jump down his throat.
Still searching ...
In reply to:
My mom is the most important woman in my life and will always be.
Could be a bit of a problem if you get married.
<i>Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.</i> -- MLK
In reply to:
My mom is the most important woman in my life and will always be.
When You say that, then Ive really got nothing more to reply. Trust me though, such a statement will be a problem if You do ever plan to get married just as SteveA said.
But hey, You think thats just another insult.
No i understand what you all are saying. But like i said theres a difference between my mother and a girlfriend and a wife. Its not like ill replace her with my mother, im just saying that i will always be close to my mother, just as my wife or girlfriend should be close to her mother. It should work both ways. Sorry if i came off defensive but i was a little angry after arguin with her for hours about everything
Do you hear what you're saying? You're close to your mother so you girlfriend should be close to hers. What she wants is to be close to you. She wants to feel like she has a relationship with you. Not you AND your mother. Sure you won't replace her with your mother. But you're letting the relationship you have with your mother overshadow the one you had with your girlfriend (well..now your ex-girlfriend). It almost seems like you are an only child or the baby and you're used to getting what you want. Therefore the reason she is calling you a "momma's boy". In general, most men I know are chomping at the bit to get out of the house if they haven't gotten out by your age. I'm 22 and still live with my parents and believe me, even though I'm a female, I'm going just as crazy trying to the heck out of this house. My boyfriend is in sort of the same situation. He's 23 and he's the baby of the family. He still lives with his mom and so he's spoiled to death BUT the biggest difference between him and you is that he's anxious to the cut "umbilical cord" and be independent and for some reason you don't seem to be in any big hurry which leads me to believe that you don't mind having things done for you (i.e. does your mom still do you laundry? still give you money? pay for things that you should be paying for yourself like insurance or a cell phone bill?). To a point some of that's stuff fine and dandy but if this is a routine deal mom or you needs to cut some of those strings and you need to either be taught or teach yourself how to do some of that on your own.
.:.:Dixie girls - you talk it. We live it. You're jealous. Admit it.:.:.
I so agree what cenfath said.
There is NOTHING wrong getting along great with Your mother.
But being with her mostly everywhere is yes a problem.
A girl needs to feel important. This is potential life-mate You are talking about. SO if this will ever go anywhere else but "fun", a woman needs to feel like a woman.
Even if Shes this "fun partygirl", and doesnt seem to care about who She spends the rest of her life with. She doesnt have to think that Shes the most important person in Your life, but She needs to be right up there with other important people in Your life. Including mother.
You just dont seem to understand that, or just dont want to.
No matter what, Im tryint to tell You that if Your mother will always be taking all this time off other people in Your world (friends and girlfriends), then this IS who You are. Her boy.
I absolutely loved what cenfath said, cutting the "umbilical cord". This is so right.
And nothing will ever change until You are capable of letting other people close like that in Your life, or if You are willing to care about other people like that.
Please understand that any potential relationship with a girl may turn out to be the relationship Youll spend the rest of Your life in. The woman Youll be with WILL some day become the mother of Your children. That is the person that should become the most important in Your life.
So, please understand, unless You can somehow show the girl You are dating with (no matter if You say its just for fun and know You wont be with her for the rest of Your life) that You can at least be open to all these options, nothing will change. This is subconciously so in every longer relationship.
Im not saying that what She did was right. But what You did was also not right. However, I do see that She was just a "filler" in Your life, a roleplayer so You wouldnt be alone since its obvious You did not love her.
Have You ever Loved another person? Loved, with the big "L". Besides parents? I mean seriously, think about it. Have You?
But being as frank as cenfath was, You need to change the relationship with Your mom and become more independant. Its not about caring less, but it is about growing up. That simple yet hard thing. Growing up. Becoming a "man".
Just try to think about these things objectively. Read this reply and cenfaths, take a break and cool off, then read again.
Its not something that "we made up" that we speak about here. Its the truth.