Hey can any girl tell me...

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Thank You white_lines for taking my questions seriously. I have a much better picture now of the situation. You did not though answer one important question about Yourself, but Im still trying to write a feedback based on the questions You did answer.I didnt understand exactly Your reply to the "whats important in a gf" question. Youll let girls who are not attractive empty Your bank account? The rest of the reply was as hard to easily understand and I was hoping for some more detail in it. But it was not so important after I read the other replies.So You do consider looks important. Ill get back to that later on about an other question.I did have a reason why I asked the Love question before some seemingly less important ones. Currently, this isnt a problem that You have not been in Love before. There may be reasons for that, perhaps You arent as open minded to relationships and perhaps consider "standards" too much. For a person who hasnt gone through a long-term relationship, or even intense short-term one, it can be safely said that You dont really know what drives such a relationship.You said You really dont know all the way how You talk to friends and such. This is in fact something important. If You are a person who doesnt have much self-confidence (especially with females) then it shows no matter what You try to do. But if Yout try to control that, perhaps through confidence perhaps through will, it just might get things better.Actually, theres nothing really to lose right?I mean, Youve not told a girl that She is beautiful. Its not something thats not important, it is. Its about You being able to tell girls what You think, and not try to follow some standards that You have picked up from movies or whatever. The main problem is that You do not have this experience with girls that You could build upon. But this isnt some bad state because at some point there have been other people in similar situation and have survived it succesfully.Im a bit disappointed that You think You need to become a different person. Its not like that. I dont see anything really strange in You besides inexperience and some false beliefs that looks are so important. I saw energy already in the lines where I asked what topics get You rolling. And You said politics and such, which "may" seem uninteresting, but if You do this right You can make such a topic interesting to most girls out there. Its about getting these things interesting.But this is a long road You are on. The fact that You cant easily talk to girls and the fact that You dont hang out with friends too often are the first two things You need to improve. Try to take some initiative. I dont mean work or such, but work could do. It works best in a new environment with new people. I personally know from first hand experience that in a new situation where there are people who do not know each other, one person taking initiative to do something together or just be someone else but a regular person, in the room can do good things.It doesnt help if You dont try to be active among other people. Remember, that having couple of close friends can do GREAT things for Your other relationships and confidence.Your second problem is the appraoch to girls. This takes as much work as the friends issue. What You should do is You know, just talk to girls. No matter what no matter why no matter where. Seriously. You cant be hunting all the time. Just talk to them like a regular acquintance. In the work or where-ever. You need to feel comfortable about a girl before You can do something else. No it doesnt help that You dont really know whats important in a girlfriend as a partner because You havent been in one nor felt Love, but its important that You have close friend also, as a girl. Its a different perspective, if You can take a girl like a friend then theres a point to move on from.Both of these things require long time of work. There are perhaps small tips I can give You, like trying to say hello and smile to the first ten people You see each day. Really, its not a problem. Remember that You have got nothing to lose, all it gives You is some self-confidence and ability to "laugh" at Yourself and take life easier. It helps You relax. Self-pity doesnt work here, just drop that. Its confidence You need, and the understanding that You too are as equal as the other people around, no matter who. Dont fall down to generalizing the life. It takes time to get these first two things into Your life (aka closer friends from both sex), and being comfortable talking to girls but it doesnt come unless You practise more.Its hard to really tell You about something, how to approach a girl, if You dont feel comfortable about it. You shouldnt try these things before You really are comfortable. But its not what I think, its that I know a relationship with a girl is more or less like archeological digsite. Laugh all You want. Its about revealing the detail slowly, some here, some there. Its about making Her feel good, Her being comfortable. I mean, really, to achieve that You do need self confidence that You have to build.I repeat, drop this self-pity, it wont do You any good.Your another problem is this inexperience I mentioned earlier. Because You havent felt Love and havent been in this long relationship.Its obvious that in such a case people tend to have ideas of what is important in such a relationship, and not what really is important in real life.This is the reason why I am trying to tell You to trying to change things in Your life with friends before actual romantic relationships. Because doing that, and becoming close to other people is the first thing You need to do. You are not uninteresting person, from Your replies Im not seeing that, and no one will convince me otherwise. You just need to try and change a couple of things, do some things that helps You move along this line better. Im personally hoping that this road, more friends and being open to them and getting close friends from both sex, that this really opens up Your mind to those actual important things in a friendship. Helps You becoming more confident with girls in other situations. It takes long and persistent work from You, but I personally think its the only real good way. Perhaps it teaches YOu some other things that are important for any potential future mother of Your children.I hope You got something to think about after reading all this. Dont expect things to change overnight, give it time but please do try hard if You want to get someplace. You are a normal man, not any different from the guys I served with. Definetly not the worst case scenario. In fact, I believe You to be in a better situation than those playboys who You "think" have all the girls. You may think that YOu want to be them, but just dont.But no white_lines, You dont have to become another person. Just try and change some things, and build Your personality and confidence.I hope some of this has helped You.Best of luck,

In reply to: And while you're at it, cure cancer and wash my car. Hey now steve calm down.......he's washing my car first!

Hey, my posting made no sense becuase of my cut-and-paste error. The quote I meant to cite:

In reply to:

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What you can do is quit playing the role of a victim, leave the drugs alone, and straighten up your life.

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Forget the drugs, I'm asking for help with this now and I'd rather nor care for your own personal views.Back to topic, where's a good source for women? I mean if all the girls have boyfriends, didn't they have to be single at one point, even for 30 seconds? I'd rather start with girls I don't know so I have nothing to lose, any other time I managed to gather enough courage to ask a girl out, I'd get denied and talked and laughed about behind my back. Is there some sort of script I can go by, like next time I see someone worth talking to, what things can I start off saying and when I get responses what can I say in reply? Also if I get rejected what kind of things can I say to act like I don't care too much, I don't want to appear to be desperate, I thought it was funny in "Scarface" how his friend called the chick a "lesbian" because she was disgusted at his toungue flicking between his own fingers.

In reply to:Forget the drugs, I'm asking for help with this now and I'd rather nor care for your own personal views.It was a quote of someoene else's view, which I crticized....above. I'll probably get criticized for criticizing.Girls usually don't take a guy seriously for two reasons: they're very under-conficent, or they're very over-confident. If you get turned down, you can shrug your shoulders, raise one eyebrow a bit, tilt your head slightly to the side (as if to say, "You must be crazy.") Smiling is good.There are other threads around here that contain lots of good advice on how to talk to a girl that you're interested in dating.

Good source for women?

A strange question. Its not like "there is a place where females go to and men go and pick them up" (there are exceptions of course, but this is not the case right now).

Women are everywhere :smile:

No, really. Usually people think that going to bars or clubs and such is the place to find women. But Im really not into such a thing. I go to these places with my friends and rarely try to break the ice with other girls around. Likewise in bars, usually people go to these places with people they know and for You, as the person who isnt having an easy time talking to girls, its not really good to try and approach in a bar where the girl may already have some other company.

Dont ignore though those really great places that no one really seems to be using. I mean, even something regular as shops. Or parks (a really good thing, its easy to approach a girl who likes to walk alot and enjoys nature, for me at least). It doesnt matter really, the places You go to are as good places as any. Dont try to follow some rule or guideline. It just adds pressure to You.

But it is a guideline You are asking. Guidelines are not good, honestly. Trust me on that one, unless You are one great natural actor it wont help You. It has to come natural, since people can easily pick up things that arent natural or are forced. You cant forget that females are great analyzers in relationships. They can sense things about You without You telling them. I personally love it, since its so great to go to university during the rough days I had, speak with friends just as ever, and then have one of my girl-friends around who later on asks if everything is alright. They can so well sense these things, and You trying to follow some guideline is not going to do You any good. Its not a guideline girls want, its You as a person, to see if You are interesting to them. Its not about some "general things", its about how they feel about You and how interesting You are to them.

You cant force Yourself be more interesting just by doing some step-by-step tutorial, or script as You put it.

Peopel talk about this thirty second rule. If You cant impress a girl in thirty seconds then things might not advance at fast enough rate. I personally can only tell You that the easiest and safest (AND BEST) thing to start anything off is a smile and a relaxed "hey". A glance is very important. As a male, this is a symbol of presence and dominance, which are two psychological things existing in nature. You cant be a mouse. Its so important that You feel confident about those things, and if You dont, it needs practise practise practise without regret. Dont think about what they may think later on, or whatever. It doesnt matter if You fail many times in a row. Success lies in the far side of the failure.

Whatever You do though, dont stall. When You say "hi" to a girl and approach her, You give You and Her a couple of seconds while still holding a glance. It usually shows Her that You are interested in Her. Never start off with a question right after "hi". When You are in some official environment (offices or even later years in university) then a good thing to follow "hi" is introducing Yourself and shaking a hand. But this only in official environment. One things that goes right along this "presence" psychology, is touching her. Even if slightly, it has to be controlled and firm. In some crowded area its good to guide the woman to some more silent place touching her by Her upper arm. Hard to explain, but its been said that physical contact can do alot during those thirty seconds. But again, You cant force it, and unless it doesnt happen naturally, or You arent a great actor (or experienced enough) this may be one bad mistake.

The last stage of those thirty seconds should be a line to get some conversation going. Never lose an eyecontact for more than a couple of seconds if You have to. The conversation can be about whatever, as long as its not Your typical weather-report. It depends on the environment and the situation You two meet in. I myself have gotten to great starts with simple and regular topics. Work and university are so simple environments to get anything off with, but something more complex or "dull" like a park is not a bad option as I said before. Its good to have some knowledge about the matter. I personally have some deep literature in my back-pocket, and knowledge about ancienc history, mythology, political history and political psychology. These are all good topics as long as its something She doesnt know about (or, in fact, does know about, but it needs to be something not so common). It needs to be short, yet not "complete", aka something You are capable of jumping off from to another topic or going furhter with that one.

Also, never forget to mirror. In conversations, You can usually guess how good it is going by playing a psychological game. Its about Your and Her stance, about the way She speaks and what She does. Considering though that You have a hard time talking to girls, Im worried that this isnt Your thing and You cant do it while being so nervous. Nevertheless there is soemthing that can be useful even if so nervous. If You get Her talking about some topic, then its always good if You somewhat take pieces of what she said and continue the topic like that. So she always has this feeling that You are listening to what She is saying. Trust me, even in situations she is talking about soem topic You have NO idea whatsoever what She is talking about, its good that You change the topic by rephrasing some of what she said and then gradually going for some other topic. Never change the topic instantly during a conversation.

Most of these things should come naturally though, and do come naturally to people who have confidence and experience. Most people get that during teenage years by talking to girls and having friends who are girls. Some people dont so they need to practise later on, and be ready for failures since nothing comes easily and in the first try anyway.

Whats really important, however, is that if You live by those thirty seconds well and get some topic going thats interesting to You and Her, then at some point this "tense" environment may fade as a sign that You like her and feel comfortable with Her. This is important, and can help You alot.

As for what to say if She rejects You, do NOT THINK ABOUT THAT. You wont achieve ANYTHING if You think about rejection when You begin the approach. Dont do that. Be confident, feel like You are capable of moving the mountains with the thought of Your mind. Take control and dont let go. Alot, alot, alot of all this is about confidence. If YOu feel good about Yourself when taking these steps, then things will work out. You cant puzzle Your mind with these questions liek "what does she think of me now, damn she just looked at my overweight stomach, what am I going to do now", and then CHOKE. Dont do that. It wont help You.

Its about confidence

Its about experience, that comes with practise

Its about being natural

Its about talking to the girl like a friend, like any other person, but not forgetting that she is a woman, a potential partner

Its about not forgetting how to give compliments

Its about giving compliments

Its about making her feel good and comfortable

And its about feeling good Yourself

Anything else than all that and it wont work out, not so well anyway. This thread has been about so many things already. Youve got loads of material to learn from. Nothing wont change before You actually go out and start trying. There will be a point where You "get the scoreboard open" and it wont feel not so tense anymore when taking Your first couple of shots. Just dont be afraid of failures. If You are afraid of failing, Youll never succeed.

And girls know it. They know it better than You think. I just love this "sixth sense" girls have :smile:

Damn, you're awesome Chris! It's really great to have you on these boards!I also agree with what Chris said about confidence being the key... without confidence I'd still be single! When I first saw her I said to myself "Look if I'm not confident then I won't have a chance" and for the first time in my life I was truly confident about the things I did... next day we're going out!Also, you (white lines) said that when you get rejected at school people talk about it behind your back. The way you can stop that from happening is to not be so shy when asking someone out and (yet again) being confident! If she rejects you and you look all sad and hurt then she will tell her friends about it and they'll talk about it. But if she rejects you and you act like it was no big deal to you then they won't talk and laugh about you..

its just extremely difficult, i see myself saying it and the words just cant come from my mouth and when they do it sounds like a jumble of unknown english

You're not alone in that - so many of us have the same trouble.

This is why You need practise. You are too much worried about You failing than You succeeding.

As long as You cant laugh at Yourself, You cant go where You want to go.

Its a tough ice to break (being able not to be worried about failing), but it needs to happen one time or another. Sooner the better.

So You just need to practise. It gets easier after two or so "attempts", since You get into situation where You dont specialize girls so much (aka get too attached).

But nothing happens before You actually go and start doing it. Honestly man, dont care about "failing" and not succeeding the first time around. Or even first ten times.

Just try and try, it takes practise. Unless You go out and try, You will never change anything in Your life that concerns this problem of Yours.

Most men have been there, some less painfully some more. There are girls in the same situation as well, girls who are shy or dont get approached too often. Its not a joke that some magazines say that things are going so bad already that girls themselves need to take this "role" where they take the first step.

But never count on it. Most girls love to be approached, and there are just a few I know who approach themselves.

But yes, to keep it short, unless You go out and start trying, nothing will happen. Theres no magic potion You could take, nor some order of words that makes Her fall for You, and definetly this is not one of those things where YOu can hope for this "struck by lightning" thing. Ive been struck by lightning once in my life and it turned out to be the most intense relationship I had. But as a lightning, it ended as fast.

So dont count on it. Nothing wont happen unless You make it happen.

Just get over this self-pity and self-doubt You have. Dont care about the fact that You may be turned down. Usually when I see that things wont go romantic way, I still hope to get a friend or a good acquintance, but thats just me. If its too hard for You, then it doesnt matter.

You wil however usually find love by getting to know the person first, then becoming friends and then falling in Love. THe other way around is a rare case.

But again Im mumbling some unimportant words.

Ill repeat, go out and start making those steps. Start slowly but DO SOMETHING. Nothing will fall into Your hands unless You Yourself give it a try.

Its a corny saying, but "just do it". Nobody else will do it for You. Its all in Your hands.

I've discovered that I'm really talkative and not as afraid when I drink alcohol, I think it helps a lot in these situations.

Not necessarily, you might think your coming across well - cos your drunk - but people around you might think your behaving like an ass, and talking a load of bull...........Alcohol seems to give you confidence, because it lowers your inhibitions, but, it also makes you say and do things that you wouldn't normally do, and for good reason

Not shitfaced drunk, just a shot or two makes me less shy

Okay dude.. Im going to be a dick and bring it back up.. (Mainly because your alcohol post a few posts up) ... Your NOT a druggie? Dude.. your screen name refers to coke. You talk about crazy drugs and shit. Talk about needing to have a few shots to function in society. Your a total addict. You couldn't function in life without a substance. Be it weed, coke, alcohol, acid, tobacco... whatever it be. Im sorry.. But you kind of 'stoners' suck. Stick to HERB AND HERB only. Devot your time to the legalization of cannabis. Go on walks in nature and write down stuff... and you dont need to smoke daily to be 'cool'.... Just every couple of days... No set habbit. Okay. Im done. Peace out.

Actually "white_lines" refers to an old 1990's rap sone by Grandmasta Flash, which is...about coke. But its named after the song, not the drug. Here's the lyrics.I've tried lot's of substances; marijuana, mushrooms, hashish, cocaine, fake LSD, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, and laughers. I stay away from the heavy drugs, mainly just pot and occasionally in the right setting hallucinogens to expand my mind and induce creativity. And I do my part to legalize, I had a big pot leaf bumper sticker on my car that said "LEGALIZE" but that got me a few uncalled for searches that resulted in my car being torn apart and then me being let go and told I was lucky.I don't smoke to "be cool", I don't do anything to "be cool". I've gone months without smoking when I had to, it's just a luxury to me which I will pass on if needed. I swear this board has such a negative attitude about drugs and everyone seems unwilling to see anything in a positive way or look past it. Based on what most people here say, a guy who drinks a Heineken is an alcoholic, someone who plays poker and throws $5 in once a week has a gambling problem, and if you take a hit off a joint you belong in rehab, which I know a couple kids who's parents freaked when they found a stem in their bottom drawer and got sent to rehab where they found themselves in the company of "real" addicts who were deep into crack, heroin, meth, or PCP.

I didn't know about the song.... Sorry broYeah.. Need to watch out for those searches.. Read through this... http://www.welcomehome.org/rainbow/info/rap420.html .. Get to know your rights... So they arn't violated by the 5-0... They love to do violate them. The bad part is, people let them. But yeah.. Thats off topic.. but tryin to help a stoner stay out of jail. Peace

I already check out the NORML state by state laws, I'm never going to Oklahoma, whatever there is to see in that state anyhoe.

In reply to: whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, and laughers. Fear an Loathing in Las Vegas, heh.Maybe you should take your allowance and buy yourself a personality. Seriously, every post you make is about all the drugs you take and how your life is going no where. No girl wants a guy like that. Clean yourself up, go back to school, you'll be so much happier. And when you have a clear mind and your happy with yourself, you'll have no problems getting a girlfriend.

I completely agree Delish, I have never EVER been with anyone who has been on drugs, a personal choice cos i think its weak and pathetic. A personality is what counts.

I live in Oklahoma. I don't see anything wrong with my home state. BOOMER SOONER!!