Can't think of a topic name, so: bla

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I dunno what I want... I'm just depressed right now so I'll try writing... it's never worked in the past but oh well I have nothing better to do...It's two minutes till midnight and I'm just sitting here... just thinking about shit... all the shit that used to be going on... I just got done talking to someone and she told me I need to get some sleep but I don't like to sleep... just the same old nightmare... I hate it .... I just wish it would go away or that I could forget about it.... just this shitty life I have I guess..I'm talking to someone else right now.... he's telling me about his life right nwo... I wish I could live like him... it's all perfect... basically all the freedoms that ever existed... he can do anything anytime... lucky bastard ..... I've had more freedoms recently, like going to my friend's house who just livse two blocks from here... which is cool... everytime I go there we smoke ... his place is the only place I can smoke so I like to go there a lot.... today only smoked one stick though because I'm almost out and I gotta make these last two sticks last... maybe that's why I'm so depressed today... usually when I smoke a lot I'm always happy ther est of the day... today I only smoked one and I'm depressed.... could be a reason .... I dunno.. just this shitty life I have I guess...Everytime I talk about getting depressed with someone they always say "what about your girlfriend?" and it just makes everything that mcuh harder... I love my girlfriend and I don't ever want to leave her but on the other hand at times I just want to die.... god this girl is amazing.... I dunno how you girls do it but somehow you do .... I wish I could talk to her now but if I call her now she'll probably be sleeping... not a good idea....Bla I'll jsut shut up now I've just been typing forever.. it's 6 after midnight so I've been typing this shit for the last 8 minutes... I'll shut the fuck up.No one has to read this I'm just talking about random shit

Ok... I don't really want to go to bed but I'll just go and cry or some shit... And this is my 800th post, great, now I can go fuck myself.

I read this "shit".this too shall come to pass. I'm glad to hear that there is a good woman in your life.

Late at night all sorts of thoughts well up that perhaps don't survive the light of day so well.

InSearch, you've been through a lot, and you have shown that you can survive it. While others have slept in feather beds, you have been in the trenches. The experiences you have had will weigh on you, but will also have taught you things most people do not know. And one day you will have the pleasure of shaking the dust off your shoes and moving on.

Yep man i know just how you feel. At night im always thinkin about everything and i get lonely alot at that time. I to have the same problem where it seems like everyone else always has it better than me. I dont know i think its just an illusion. People usually only tell you the good stuff about their lives, and most of the time its bullshit. But i just wanna say that you're not the only one who feels this way

@unsupervised:
Thx for reading and I'm really glad I have a good woman in my life too...
@Ineligible:
You're right... I have learned things other people haven't... the other day I actually had a situation where I could use what I learned... I'll tell you in AIM though later
@ata:
I never really said that I think everyone ahs it better than me... I know htere are plenty of people that have it worse than me out there ... and plus I can tell most of the time when people are bullshittin about what they have and don't have ...
I'm actually feeling pretty godo right now... maybe it's because, like Ineligible said, because it's daylight.. (8:17pm) but I dunno... I'll stop typing

Ok... it's night again... here I am again... thinking about the same old shit .... and some new shit I'm thinking about:I just got done watching WB News at 10 ... Top Story today was how some 16 year old kid admitted to killing both his parents... if I remember I might follow that case just to see what happens to the kid... and if I like what happens then I just might do the same thing the kid did...God this sux.. I know this is crazy talk but it's just what I'm feeling like right now...Nobody's on to talk too ... which sux. It usually helps to talk to someone even if it has nothing to do with this shit, I just want to talk to someone about anything ... obviously too much to ask for ... I feel like I'm asking for way too much anyways... sometimes I just want some decent parents... then other times I'm just like fuck it parents are gay who needs them anyway... Ok... so right now I'm thinking the question everyone has asked themselves at one time or another.. "why me?" ... why does all this fucking shit have to happen to me... I swear... if there is a god and if I ever meet him I will beat the living shit out of him... sry that was random, I know there's no god but yah.... all this shit always happens to me... then I see all these people around me... laughing and having fun and shit like they have no worries... I know they have some worries but I don't think it's the same kind of worries I have (@ata: Ok, now I'm thinking other people have it better than me...)Maybe I'm just meant to have this stuff happen to me... I mean it's gotta happen to someone... so maybe it just so happens that it all happens to me so maybe some other people don't have to deal with it... just load it up on me or something... I dunno... just talking random stuff here....I'll stfu now. Sorry no one has to read this again

In reply to: I just might do the same thing the kid did... don't wander down that path. If you think your life is fucked now, imagine it in a 10x10 with a big lad who loves your ass.

Well if I did go down that road it would end in suicide... I thought that kid in the news was dumb anways for not killing himself... Edit: Btw, today seems to be night on TV. I'm watching a Law & Order on suicide riht now.

the world is fucked up but there is so much funny stuff too! It always helped me to focus on the funny shit!Honestly, laughing at stuff that wasn't intended to be funny really helps me, even today.Look around, I'm sure there isn't a serious thing in your life that doesn't have a totally ridiculous side.I'll do my damn best to try to help you find the funny shit!!I honestly mean it.

Seriously, the last time I truly honestly laughed was a few weeks ago with my girlfriend... before that again with my girlfriend... basiaclly I only laugh with her.I read that you grew up in a house with comedy or something like that... so obviously you'd have stuff to laugh at... I don't have anything to laugh at thoguh

a priest, a monk and a rabi walk into a bar
the bar-tender says "would you assholes get the fuck out of here!!?!"

I don't get it..I really don't :/

InSearch man back to what i said before, i didnt mean it the way it sounded, i just meants that sometimes when other peoples lives seem to be the best it isnt alwasy how it seems. but forget about what i said. to be blatently honest with u, life sux sometimes. it really does but the only reason why ive never thought of suicide or nething liek that is because there are to many peopple that i love and care about and care about me that i would leave behind. i would destroy their lives if i did. and if you think there isnt neone like that then ur wrong, there is someone out there that cares deeply about u. live is something that to many people take for granted. u need to live it up. we obviously care about u to go through this with u and talk you some sense! lol seriously man im always here for u if you need me. so just lemme know if i can do nething

I know that SOME people don't want me to die... I could only think of one person I know in real life and only about 2 people online who wouldn't want me dead... that makes like 3 people.But the person I actually know is my girlfriend... I know she wouldn't want me to die. She's also a major reason why I'm not depressed 24/7 plus a lot of other things... I know when people say "i cant live without you" they don't really mean it, but I really cannot live without my girlfriend... if she's gone then I'm gone. And it doesn't really count if soemone like you (no offense) says they like me and don't want me to die because you don't really know me just like most other people on here... so if you guys say "dont kill yourself i want you around" it means nothing to me

In reply to: I don't get it.. sorry, it is a bit cerebrial

What does cerebral mean?

"Cerebral" means having to do with the brain, and, by extension, "higher" thought. It's usually opposed to "visceral" - having to do with the guts, and, by extension, raw emotion.But I don't get it either.

all right, all right.I've not met many that get the joke. I'll explain but bare in mind, explaining a joke never makes it funny."a priest, a monk and a rabi walk into a bar" is a cliche beginning of a thousand bad jokes. It could have easily been "an American, a Canadain and an Irishman"The bar tender, seeing the onset of a bad joke, asks the gentlemen to leave. I think one might have had to hear and tell thousands of jokes to see the satire in this one.I laughed my ass off the first time I heard it ,but admittedly, I was the only one in the room, beside the teller, that got the joke. When I tell it, It's kind of like fishing to see if anyone gets it.

why do you need another person to exist? Maybe if you learned to love yourself first, then you wouldn't need the world to love you. Might sound fruity, but its true. What if your girlfriend stopped loving you then what? If you can't accept and love yourself, depression will win, hands down.