I am 28 years old, just got engaged to the love of my life, have a wonderful family, a great paying job, a gorgeous apartment, but can't seem to get a grip. 2 years ago when I met my boyfriend, we couldn't keep our hands off eachother, we loved everything about eachother, and I never took the smile off my face, even when he laughed and told me to stop smiling so much..LOL! My now Fiancee, and I moved in together almost immediately after we met 2 years ago, and I love him more than anything, but my problem is, I cant control my temper. Anything and pretty much every thing sets me off. He has become so scared of me, and my temper tantrums that I am so scared that he is going to have enough and leave me, although realistically I know he loves me way to much to leave me. I have gained about 20 pounds in the past year, and I feel insecure about my body even though my Fiancee says I am gorgeous. In the past I always wore my hair perfect and put my make up on and dressed very nice, and now none of my old clothes fit, so I find myself in SWEATS, and looking like a frumpy chick. All my friends are even amazed when they see me now, cause I was always the one decked out to the nines for everything, up until this past year, I feel like I am ugly and fat, and worthless. I am thinking about joining Weight Watchers tomorrow, and have started walking after work. (I used to be very fit, I worked out constantly at least 5 days a week, and my body rocked, up until about 3 years ago). The funny thing is, my Fiancee is a BUFF Babe, and he never critisizes me or anything, but I feel like a gross fat pig.I am so scared that there is something seriously wrong with me, and I cant figure out what it is. I can be happy one minute and crying or yelling or throwing things the next. I am and always have been a very happy loving and fun person, but now I feel like I am always miserable or feel like I have nothing to give anymore as far as being fun or loving.I constantly think that maybe there is a logical explanation for my behavior but come up with nothing, other than I am being a witch. I am so mean to my fiancee sometimes that I cant believe that it is the me, that he used to know, once upon a time. I wake up angry and all day long I just cant get happy, even when good things happen. When I hear people say things that make them happy or hear them laugh I cant be happy for them. I get a phone call or make a call to someone, and most of the conversation I sit there and dont really even listen to what they are saying. I just say oh yeah, and no, and never give any real feeling about anything. I don't think that I am depressed I think that i am angry about something, I just don't know what or why. I am a clean freak and Fiancee isn't, and this is part of my anger. I feel like I am always picking up after him, and alwasy having to cook and do the laundry and even after many arguments and trying to get him to do things MY WAY he won't . He helps when he feels he should but not daily, and I hate that. I feel like my cleanliness is interfering with my relationship with him, and want to control this. I make it sound like he is a slob, but he is NORMAL I am NOT. I am a neat FREAK, and if there is a towel one milimeter out of place I have to adjust it. But, then other times it doesn't bother me to have a mess in my home. I know that's weird!I have been so mean for so long it just takes over my days and all I can focus on is staying miserable and trying to make Fiancee's life miserable too. It is not fair and I am really hating myself at this point, I want to smile, laugh, and love again..>TODAY not tomorrow.Is anyone feeling this way, or has anyone gone through this,and if so, how did you cope.? I get to the poin that my fiancee walks out the door and I start throwing things of his around, and swearing,a nd punching things...I need help ASAP. please!!!!!
Why am I so angry, I cant get a grip.
It really sounds like depression to me... I too have had times where I wanted to make sure everyone around was just as miserable as I was feeling and I tried everything Ic ould to get that to happen... I was just depressed ... maybe you should see a counselor?But it does seem that your fiancee loves you very much (from what I can tell) because he hasn't left you or complained about it though... I think you should tell him how you feel and maybe that will explain some things to him... he will probably want to help you too whichi might make it easier for you too!
Still searching ...
kinda sounds like bi-polar..?
Love doesn't stay on the mountaintop, Meljo. Is this difficult to accept? Can you choose to love your partner in the moment you hate his pet peeve? Can you choose to love yourself in the moment you feel unlovable? Do you let your tears flow when they desire? Do you feel you need to control, to be in control? Can you look up when you feel down? Anger is a secondary feeling--lovingly look at what's hiding behind it.
:stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye: :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye: :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye: :smile:
Bad Dad 2
loving nurture can't hurt ya