Well, where do i begin. I ll start with a prolonged exhalation because this is all very stressfull for me,it has been so for some time, too long a time, and i would like to share it here hoping that someone might offer helpful information and advice.I am in my mid twenties and up until now I ve been having a very hard time with my sex life. I come from a family background where sex was always a taboo topic, which i suppose is the case for many of you, my parents never openly discussed it or for that matter engaged in it. Me and my dad were not particularly close, and lacking any other older male in the family i had no one talk to and learn from when growing up, apart from my peers. My first sexual encounter was with a call girl at the age of 17, saved some pocket money and asked her to come home. I d masturbated beforehand and that coupled with my nervousness didn't enable me to ejaculate. After that for the next few years up until the age of 21, i had drunken, anxiety ridden intercourse with either short term girlfriends (two of them, for a couple or so times) or prostitutes, i found it easy to develop and maintain an erection but had little sense of pleasure in my penis (esp. when wearing a condom). When i was around 20 i noticed that my frenulum (didn't even know the term then) was tight and would bleed, there was an open wound most of the time, and when i wore a condom the foreskin would cover the glans and allow little or no movement of the foreskin. I was very perplexed by all that, getting more and more depressed with it all and abusing booze, and other substances.Then at 21, completely by chance, i came upon the notion of phimosis. I friend of mine was having his kid circumcisized, and i asked him why on earth, up until then i had associated circumsision with the Jewish faith (although i didn't have that clear an idea of what it was all about) and my friend was not Jewish, so i asked why would you have your kid circumcised? And he said, because he's got phimosis and started explaining. To cut a long story short here i am at the doc's office confirming to me my phimosis status and suggesting circumsision. That's it i said, no more downing one glass of whisky after the other to numb the pain and attempt to sever the frenulum by myself.I went on and had the surgical procedure, with full anaisthisia, of course the doctor never mentioned to me such terms as the frenulum, the rigid band, long and tight circumsisions, inner foreskin at all.By the time all this was over and done with i was 22 and not very confident sexualy. To cut a long story short, again, i have since then had more drunken angst ridden sex, mostly one night stands and found little or no pleasure and lots of failure and stress. I loved the girls' skin, their taste, their smell, just touching them made me erect, but sex was another matter. A year and a half ago I was going out with this girl and a couple of weeks into the relationship we were in bed attempting to have sex, i had such a performance anxiety, i was so stessed out that again i had little or no pleasure at it. She was a couple of years older than me and much more experienced than me, and during intercourse i kept thinking such silly thoughts as where do i put my legs now when she's in all four, between hers or around? And what if she find out i am practically a virgin and so on and so forth. Out of embarassment i sabotaged the relationship, and went into another depressed, loveless, alcoholic period.A month or so ago, having saved up some money, and sobered up, i decided to take this serious matter, much more seriously and to get actively involved in overcoming my embarassment and regaining my sex life. Articles on the internet on circumsision and the loss of sensitivity on the net where driving me mad. I started paying for sex (i hope i don't offend anyone here) and i ve since then had or attempted to have intercourse with about five to six girls, ten or so times. I ve managed to ejaculate once. Once or twice i have even enjoyed the whole thing. I ve had the same girl come over at my house now for about four times, i like her, i feel comfortable with her, but the last time around was disastrous, i wanted her so much and yet i was overcome with stress. Thoughts are racing through my mind. Did i mutilate myself for life with my circumsision, why am i, although erect, not enjoying the sensations in my penis, is it the stress, is there something more?Another thing that's bothering me, well not bothering me, it's become an obsesion is the size of my glans. My penis size is, well, i am rather well endowed, i haven't actually tape measured it, but i ve always gotten compliments about, always, but my glans is rather small, nowhere near the size you get in the porn flicks, it's about a centimeter and a few milimiters (sorry for going into such detail) when not erect and about twice the size when erect but it doesn't stay that hard. I fear, oh god, that the phimosis didn't let it grow to it's proper size. Let me also point out that i have some foresking left after the circumsision which just about covers the glans, but wont' alow for any sliding motion during sex. Maybe i should have had a full circumsion. I ve also had the frenulum removed.I d like to apologise in advance because this is too long winded and incoherent, i hope any of you that are kind enough to read it make some sense, i am just worried sick with all that. My self esteem is way down, i feel crippled, i hope someone can shed some light.Bob.
Confused, Embarassed and Sad.
BobbieD, it seems to me that the root of your problems is that you have no confidence in yourself. The problems with sex come as a result of that, though of course they make it worse.
It's quite common for people with a large penis to have a glans that isn't to scale. The glans is a different tissue to most of the penis and it may not grow at quite the same rate. It's not necessarily due to the phimosis.
But the important thing is to work on your self-esteem, as something that is a problem independently of sex. I think professional advice would be helpful here. You may have depression, which can be treated, and that will help you work on the self-esteem issues.
I agree with Ineligible, and work on your self esteem. I also think you should get a Fleshlight, and practice with that instead of paying prostitutes. It's a lot safer, less expensive, and you can practice without worrying.
My avatar is a picture of my own sperm under a microscope. Pretty cool huh?Drugs are garbage. I'm high on my own testosterone.
Thanks for the replies guys, i appreciate it. Self esteem is an issue which i am working on at the moment, but sexual disatisfaction erodes self esteem. And my sexual troubles, i know, have gotten out of proportion, i worry a lot, this intense anxiety won't let me let go and get whatever enjoyment i can out of the act and that in turn harms my self esteem even more, it's a vicious circle. Practising with a fleshlight safely and without having to worry is a good idead, and i ve gone ahead and ordered one. It's telling that with this girl i am paying to have sex, the first few times before we got to be more intimate, i had something of a good time, and managed to "finish" once, but as soon as we exhanged a few personal details and i got into the notion that i had to please her, and not reveal my inexperience, perfomance anxiety kicked in and messed it all up.
Now, in terms of the technicalities... Since i ve had the circumsion i ve been able to masturbate because there's still some skin left that covers almost all the glans, and have had no problem ejaculating this way. There's still a lump of skin where the frenulum used to be that i find intensly arousing when masturbating. During intercourse the skin won't allow for that sliding motion (foreskin over glans) and i find that much less satisfying, especialy if the girl is moist sometimes it feels as if i am getting lost in there with no stimulation. Of course that could well be just the stress taking over, but i doubt it, there's definately an anatomical part to it. I would like to know if other circumsised men have had similar experiences.
I also like to come back to the glans issue, it's such a big concern for me, i am obsessing over it. It's small like i said, but is it within the normal range to be about 1 to 1 inch, sometimes less? Are there any sites with graphic content so i could compare it to others? Do any of the exercises for increasing glans size actually work, would a circulation enhancer like gingkbo actually work or should i try cialis or viagra for a short time.