Ok, well where do i begin.Basically I've been going out with my girlfriend for around 4-5 months and she believes she really loves me and is really happy she has me and 'needs me'.She used to cut herself a bit when we first went out (i knew beforehand as we'd talked about it and she seemed to be able to open up to me and she admitted this) and i felt hurt over the cutting and told her this sometime later (when we were going out) - that I couldn't bare to see her get hurt, and then she told me not to leave her (which admittedly i thought about because i really hated seeing her hurt herself and she didnt seem to care about stopping, she knew cos i must have hinted somehow) however i didn't leave her for some reason (maybe i was scared or too fond of her or just willing to try again) and shes stopped cutting but she did if from fear of loseing me and not for herself which i think is wrong but at least she's stopped? I also think she has improved her self esteem; it was somewhat low before.I have told her i love her and actually discussed with her this that I'm sometimes unsure if im really in love. After this I told her I really did love her (and i believed i did) but sometimes i feel unsure yet other times 100%. How am i suppossed to tell, I just dont understand the concept of love.I love being with her, making her happy, commenting on how lovely she is and i miss her when im not around her for long periods. She's cute, caring, attractive, everything, but is that love? or is it the begining? God I'm so confused.And if i dont love her she'll think I've been lieing to her when i tell her, but sometimes in sure sometimes im not i dont understand what love is...I admit most of the time i feel in love, especially when I'm around her. Maybe I'm afraid of love? Maybe i think way too much?Help?
Confused about love
You're here to live. So live.
hey bud if you love her you will feel that special feeling in your heart. If you only love her for the outside no its not true love. Trust me I have experienced just a few days ago. However, dont break her heart. Most girls seem to have more fragile feelings than guys and if you break her heart she may go back to cutting and there might be dier (spelling?) consequences.Read the bottom of my post it says it all.
The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.
- Moulin Rouge (love that movie)
Love is defined differently for everyone, but there are two aspects you need to keep in mind. There is the romantic and the attachment. Romantic is what the majority of couples experience, the wonderful feelings and the general flutter that lasts up to about 2 years. Attachment is more the comfort with being with someone. It's hard to describe unless you've experienced it, but it's the general feeling of loving to have someone as a companion (to do things with, spend the smallest things together like grocery shopping and cleaning the house and enjoy every moment). If you can find both in someone, that's a special kind of love. What you're feeling now is mostly the what everyone feels at the 'beginning' of any relationship. You may realize it in another month or so, when you realize that you love her for all she is including idioticies and faults, want to care for her, give everything to make her happy, and just want to be with her and only her.When I first read that your girlfriend cuts herself, I got a little worried. It's hard for me to believe she can truly love you if she cannot even love herself first. With you, her self esteem must go up, because the way you treat her and love her. I'm not sure if it's really love because it's not my relationship. So the main thing I have to say is that if a girl is abusive to herself, you have to remember it's not entirely likely that you can 'save her.' She has to realize her problem and seek help. This can't really go away with only your love. The fact that she stopped only so you would not leave sends up a few flags. She doesn't want to be alone, so when she says she loves you, I can't help but question it. If she has low self esteem and is continuely abusive (thoughtfully and verbally) about herself, you may want to consider that she will make you feel generally down in the long run. I've actually experienced this (not cutting, but acholism) so if you want more detail let me know.But I wish you luck and hope all works out well in the end.