I Need Help

---

Hello,I've been having such a hard time with myself lately. To start, I'm a really lonely person. If there is someone out there I can call a true friend is only one person. And that's because we were pretty much forced to talk to each other.The things is I can't make any good friends. I can't make any friends at all. When I say friend I mean someone I can do stuff with and hang out with. I never get passed the "hi" and "how are you" stage. I just don't have it in me. I can't start any good conversations. All I do is just ask a bunch of stupid questions and its over. This is also due to my personality, because I'm just not an interesting person. I think im interesting, but not to all the people out there. I'm also very un-sophisticated and because of this, I can't attract people to me. I'm a guy and have never been into sports or playing an instrument. Maybe this is where I went wrong, because I'm not like the rest of the pople. I never go with the flow; therefore, nobody can relate to me. I've turned into some kind of strange person. I can't find anyone like me. When I start being myself around people, nobody gets me. I really wish I could be like everyone else and be a little more interesting. I'm happy as I am, but sometimes I think that's the reason I winded being so alone. I look out there at the world. Everyone goes with the flow and are happy that way. I can't be like the other people. I'm afraid if this keeps up, im gonna end up alone my whole life. I;ve always been good at helping other people, but when it comes to helping myself, I don't have a leg to stand on. Can somebody out there please help a socially inpotent person, be better at making friends. Thanks you guys!BTW, if anybody wants to know my age. I'm 21.

A lot of the things you said sound exactly like me.. for example:1. "because I'm just not an interesting person"2. "I'm a guy and have never been into sports or playing an instrument"3. "I really wish I could be like everyone else and be a little more interesting"4. "I;ve always been good at helping other people, but when it comes to helping myself, I don't have a leg to stand on."I wish I could give you some advice ... but given the fact you're a lot like me... and #4 above ... I have no idea. If I could help you I could also help myself.

I think confidence plays a big key, if you dont think your great other people wont either. I never went with the flow and always went my own way, but like isnt that bad. I cant play sports of any kind to save my life, and im musically challenged. I think that people are so criticle on themselves and end up losing focus.

I haven't met an uninteresting person yet. I don't think it's possible - there are just uninterested people. And if they're not interested in you, someone else will be.

It's always harder to help ourselves than help other people. That's why humans go around in groups. Even with cooking, it's easier to cook for others than just ourselves. There's something deep-seated there.

My biggest trouble is getting in better touch with people. Getting them to like me a little more and get to know the real me. I go to this church, and most talk there is about music.

try to introduce something new to talk about. If mostly they talk about is music, im sure they are getting quite bored. I think its really refreshing when i meet my foils (opposites, different) And the quickest way to get someone to know is just let go. Stop thinking, "I hope they like me" or "what should i say now" that might create ackward situations, if you just talk and dont think so much it helps. (i hope im helping lol)

Well alright. My focus is always philosohpy, psychology, and other intelectual things. I also love art and stuff. But I can't draw.

There we go. I'm a little into philosphy/psychology ... or at least I know quite a bit (at least I think I do.. who knows) about that

cool, i love psychology personally, if my passion wasnt marine science i would have gone for psychology, Philosophy is always interesting and It sounds to me like your trying to lower yourself. You sound very very smart, and maybe its just that you havent met someone quite on your level yet.

Nice to meet people with some of my interests. Why is it so hard for us to find the right person? I already know the answer to that, hence philosophy, but I wanna hear you guy's opinions

Well I have many theories on that ... I'll try to summarize a few... if they don't make sense sry but I'm just summarizing some theories as short as possible:* Some people are just meant to be lonely. Forever.* Other people are afraid to talk to "us" because... - "we" are different - They don't understand philosophy/psychology and therefore are scared to talk to "us" about it (because they think we can't talk about anything else or whatever)I have more theories on this but I can't think of any more at the moment.. I might post some more later if I think of them ...

I believe that since there are around 7 billion people in the world, the chances are very small we will all find that person who just clicks. friends, anything its very very hard. Its so weird, when you think that your just 1/7,000,000,000 out there. Other people all over the world doing things right this second. Its just a really big wow to me. (see, i can amuse myself for houers just thinking about it lol) The odds of finding people, friends, anyone who you click with is difficult. In Highschool, i got sent to this awful private school, i was the only girl who liked books like Tall story, Jane Eyre, 1984, ect. I felt like the biggest fish out of water in my whole life. As soon as i got out of there (we're talking seconds) I went to starbucks, and i ended up having the most fascinating conversation with someone. Then, i start thinking well, what if i wasnt in line just then, i would have never met that person. woah ok now that i went out on a total tangent there... lol. excuse the spelling, coffee and lack of sleep.

I dont believe some people are meant to be lonely forever, if that were true we wouldnt be suffering from over population lol.

Well everybody has different views on things like this ...

And about the over population ... just because we are over populated doesn't mean every single person has kids .... there are people who are not married and have no kids, etc. you get my point

lol yea it was a joke. Thats what i love about psychology and philosophy, no one can be proven right.

Exactly ...

Did you go to college? It's a lot easier to find people there who are interested in intellectual stuff. Have you thought about joining clubs or organizations that might give you more of a chance to meet people with similar interests?Things I learned as I grew older:o The idea that everyone else is really together is an illusion; most sane people wrestle with a lot of issues, like self-doubt, insecurity, etc.o In casual conversation, how you say it can be at least as important as what you say. I mean, unless you're into meteorology, who cares about the weather? But if you act confident (don't mumble, look into the other person's eyes, smile), then people think you're more interesting, no matter what you say. It's easy to say "just be more confident", but over time you will come to realize that everybody's opinion about every little thing you say is really unimportant; in reality, people really aren't judging everything you say...most people have other things to worry about. The sooner you realize this, the better.o I'll bet that if you participated in on-line forums and such things, people would find you interesting. That proves that you're not inherently boring.o No one is liked by everyone...if some individual doesn't like you, it's a small issue. Unless he has a gun. But that only applies if you live in South Florida.o Being a good listener will often get you very far. Make sure the other person knows that you're engaged in what they're saying.o Even though it may seem silly and primitive and shallow, there are certain rules of engagement that vary by culture that you need to respect; things like personal space, how you dress, etc.In college I had a friend who seemed to know every girl on campus. It took forever to cross the quad with him, because he had to stop and talk to each girl. And the things he talked about..."vacuous" and "inane" are only words that comes to mind. He was fairly average looking, average build, average height. But he came across as friendly and confident. He's the one who really got me thinking about the "how" versus the "what".

If you aren't interested in youself, then you can't be interesting to other people. Confidence is to key to what you need.

He said: In reply to: I think im interesting, but not to all the people out there.

I tried to say, that I think im interesting. But not everyone out there thinks im interesting.

About forums, I've posted thousands of time in those, but nobody gives a care about what I say. I either talk too much or people just simply don't get me.

About school, I didn't find a place where I would find people with my interests. I did join a club, but nothing worked out. I didn't make a single friend.

Anyways, thank you all for your advice. A couple things I picked up from you guys were to have more confidence and not care about what people think about me. I guess I will have to apporach people differently from now on. How? I don't have the slightest clue. If only I could manage away to study people making friends from a distance. Then I could get an idea on how it's done.