The greatest thing just happened to me...

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You're the new messiah.

I can skate on thin ice.

In reply to:

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Amanda: Never play hopscotch on asphalt...once the chalk hits the asphalt it becomes infected, however, if you tap it on a tree three times that cures it, but if you tap it four times it becomes infected with HIV. You see people have it all wrong. AIDS didn't orginate with monkeys, it came from chalk, it's one big conspiracy.

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Damn, and I just wrote a check to Save the Monkeys with AIDS charity. So you think they're not legit? I may have to call the attorney general

i have an embarrasing pbm n i dunno who 2 ask i think i have cooties how do i no if i relly have them? Cn they b cured cuz i'm 2 embarrased to see the doctor cuz hes a warlock.

What? I think you need to go to a witch doctor. Some voodoo might cure your problem.

but if i have cooties will my cooter work ok?

shaking a bag of chicken bones while reciting an incantation will always cure your "little problem".

but wut aboot my cooter?

You talked about Bob Barker on a dog thread. That's like discussing Buzz Aldrin on a bumblebee thread.

huh? what's wrong with your turtle?

i fed him let-us, and now he seems list-less. how cn i get my turdel excited?

well, it's a shell game!

Buzz Aldrin. It's one small step for a turd el.

buzz me! oh wait, sorry, old thread, different section.

All in one day: Bob Barker, Shih-Tzu, and Lao Tzu; Buzz Aldrin and getting a buzz. What next...Winnie the Pooh, bed shams, and bunting?

And on the cigar thread, someone just said something about "smoking a fat cuban". I haven't smoked any Cubans, or iced anyone of Hispanic descent.

David Letterman once said, "Smoke me, I'm a sausage."

silly bunt!said the zen master to the hotdog vendor "make me one with everything" you omitted the most mis-quoted Tzu of them all!!

wow am i the only one who thinks amandas hot? and a moderator asking us if she's a slut? no way! i wish i was that UPS mailman!..

Same here gal! say do u think that UPS guys got an account on here? think about it. (thinking makes my brain hurt) Fact: Mailmen (and UPS guys) are now the luckiest guys on the planet! Its official.

I agree, after crusing with Elvis in big-foot's UFO!

In reply to: i agree, after crusing with Elvis in big-foot's UFO! hey glad im not the only one who's been in bigfoots UFO, its big isnt it? (the ship) oh and the goblins say that nessie needs her loch cleaned out...

Thank goodness the warlocks put a protective spell around the lake (and Nessie) when the Japanese scientists attempted to blow her out of the water. Our water-dwelling ally was saved.