Ok, there is alot between me and this girl, so this will be kinda long. First off, I am 21, she is 22. Well I've known this girl for 9 months, although after 6 months she broke up with me. There was no specific reason; it was just that she felt she needed space and time on her own. We both were incredibly close, and although it was never said while we were seeing each other, I know that she loved me. She told me that I treated her the best out of all her previous BFs. One month after the break up, I wrote her a 6 page letter that basically lets her know how I feel about her and implied that I was in love with her. 2 weeks later we hang out together at a mutual friend's house. Important to note, that she knew I was gonna be there, but came anyway. I didn't bring up the letter, at first and we just hung out together with my friend as well, and watched a movie, and talked. We were both real comfortable with each other, with some flirtation back and forth. When she was gonna leave I talked to her about the letter, and soon I told her that I loved her. She said she still cares for me and feels like she still needs to be on her own, and needs time alone. About 2 and a half weeks later, she calls me and we talk for about an hour. Next day, we IM each other on the phone, until she tells me to give her a call sometime. After this, we continue to talk on the phone more and more till about 4 weeks ago we talked 2 days in a row for about 3 hours. Well we've done that many a time before, but the day after that we talk for a marathon 6 hours! At about the 3 hour mark, I find out a bit more about her past even though she didn't want to tell me everything yet. She used to suffer from anxiety attacks for about a year, and got over it about 8 months before I met her. I knew about this, but I didn't know that it was caused by an event 5 years ago. By this timeline, this was near the end of her relationship with an ex-BF she went out with who was about the biggest asshole I have ever heard stories about. She went out with this ass for like 4 years too. Anyway, I asked if it was someone she knew for a long time who caused the event which later led to anxiety attacks 4 years later. She said she didn't know him that long. Oh yeah, she hasn't had sex in 5 years since that ex. All of this leads me to believe that she was raped. Maybe this happened right after she got out of the bad relationship too, which makes things worse. Anyway, during this talk I ask her about getting back together, and she says she wants to, but she wants to talk to her therapist that she used to go to, because she stopped taking the anxiety meds while being with me, and also to talk things through about me. A couple days after that I stop by her house and talk with her outside for about an hour and a half. As I leave, I hug and kiss her for a couple minutes. During the next week and a half before her appointment with the therapist, we talk alot less than we did before. After her appointment, I ask her what her and I are gonna do about our relationship, and she responds "The same as we've been doing for awhile, just as friends." This crushes me and we talk for a little while longer and end the talk on a good note. She says she feels like she can tell me anything, and tells me that I should see other people, and in the future she says things could work out. Needless to say, this destroys me, as I've the past couple weeks have stirred so much up in me. An hour later, I am not really thinking clearly, and start to get the idea that maybe bringing up the idea of being more than friends, like with benefits, could work for us. At least until she feels that she wants to move it back up to the same level as before. Stupid idea I know, but at the time, I was an idiot enough to be so impulsive to bring this idea up with her. So yeah, an hour later after our talk, I bring this up with her and she doesn't take it well. Goes so far as to say this was one of the worst things someone has ever said to her, and that we will only ever be friends now and that this makes things less confusing for her. Conversation over, and as a result of my fist, I now also have a hole in my wall. Great day, huh? Four days later, she IMs my cell phone with a message "What r u doing?" This surprises me and I call her later after that. I tell her that I'm sorry for what I said, and it was the worst thing that could have happened if we went through with it, that I was just in a confused state of mind after what went on. She says it was still selfish, but we move on after that. We talk like we've done in the past (no awkwardness, and friendly) before hanging up an hour later. Which brings us to the present moment. Oh yeah, since I believe sex to be an issue with her, I think it's really important to note that we almost had sex twice, both times she was the one who asked for it. First time, we had no condom, so I stopped it about a minute after starting. The second time I didn't think the time was right cause I wanted to take her out somewhere nice and tell her I love her first, before sex. Well right after that, she caught bronchitis, and when she got over that, she dumped me. I really love her, and think of her all the time. I'm sorry that this story is so long, but I think everything is important to get a good idea of the situation. Anyway, my question is, should I remain friends with her and keep contact, or break off contact for awhile. My gut feeling tells me to keep in contact, but keep it minimal. Definitely not talk as much as we did previously. Although she has some unresolved issues, she's such a great person and I love her deeply. Thanks for listening, for whoever reads this, and please tell me what you think I should do.
My first love, and the problems thereafter
**I think you should stay friends, but not do something as stupid as bring up the idea of 'freinds with benefits' i just don't get why anyone would think that was ok, i would slap someone if they suggested it to me LOL
anyway, you both sound like you feel a lot for eachother, and there is no reason why you should not be friends. **
Get a taste of Old Time Religion..........lick a witch grin
(yes i read the whole thing) I know this is going to be very hard to do, but don't get attached to her any more. You have to let her go. If she decides to stay with you, then that's awesome. But there are millions of more women in the world who are just as cool if you get to know them. There are tons of people you can get to know. Just try being friendly to more women around you and it'll suprise you a ton.
You never know when you will meet the perfect person.
Yeah, i'm trying to let go as much as possible, but i don't want to lose her as a friend as well. There is another girl that I know likes me, and I think I like her too. I've known her for awhhile, and I think I might want to start seeing her. I don't really want to, but finding someone else right now will get me over Nicole alot quicker.
That's a pretty sad story, dude. I am not sure what I would do, sorry. =(