So anyways, I'm 18 right now and heading into a good college. A week before I left, my mom went to a party with her classmates from a dancing class she goes to, and she decided to drag me along. I had no idea why.So anyways, when I was there, I saw this one very cute girl and we immediately started talking alot. I was like "Holy shit, this girl is actually pretty cool." I only got her name and email when it was over, though. I have no idea where she lives or how old she is, but she looked 17 to me.So, later on, when I got into college, I made a ton of friends, and yet I still chat with her online. Damn, we were ike two peas in a pod. Hell, it got to a point that on a Sunday afternoon she was going to some place not 10 minutes away from my campus, and she invited me to have some coffee with her at Starbucks which was close to my campus. I went there, and we started chatting up as if we've been friends for years. But then I found out that she was FREAKING 14 YEARS OLD!!!!Now, before I go any further, let me say that I am in no way a pedophile or anything sick and disgusting like that. I'm a perfectly normal person who goes to one of the top 20 colleges in the US. But I swear to God, she looked not a day under 16 or 17 to me! You have to believe me on this one!When I found out about her age, I immediately felt sick. I mean, I've heard stories about pedophiles hitting on girls half their age, and I always laughed at them. Now I feel like the same disgusting predator. She still talks to me and we still get along pretty nice, but everytime she says something to me I just want to throw up. I feel like every word exchanged between us is like someone telling me that I'm a sick predator. I'm surpised she didn't call the freaking cops on me when she found out I was in college and was talking to her!I just want to be friends with her until we get older, but for right now I just feel so unclean and filthy. I need honest opinions here, am I just overreacting? Is it perfectly fine for an 18 year old and 14 year old to just have friendly conversation and no intimacy, without the two death words "Statutory Rape" raining down on my head? Or is even talking too much already? I really need help here...
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Dammit I feel so wrong....
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Welcome to A2A, spiritghidorah.I think Western society has been a bit obsessive on this issue in the last couple of decades, and as a result your feelings are stronger than the circumstances warrant.There is nothing illegal about simply being friendly. The question really is where you go from here, and that brings up a number of issues. I think if there is any sort of relationship at all, it would have to be very low-key for some years. This is necessary, both so you don't get any false accusations (a very real risk), and also because (I believe) a 14 year old should not be tied down too much into a relationship. I think at this stage a low-key friendship is as far as it could go, and for the sake of avoiding accusations you should only meet occasionally, and only in public places.If you would find it difficult to do that, it might be better to not meet, let things go, and see if you are still both available in a few years' time.It's quite clear, however, that you are no predator. Later in life four year's difference will mean nothing; it's just now that it is awkward, not just legally, but also in your different levels of experience.
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Thanks man. Yeah I only meet up with her to have a drink at Starbucks and such. It's just that I keep hearing about pedophiles trying to manipulate other girls to do stuff for them. I'm extremely friendly to her, and she is to me (hell, I can tell she kind of likes me), yet I can't shake the feeling that somehow I'm inadvertently trying to draw her in closer so I can snap her up.
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You are right to be concerned but, as Ineligible said, what you have written about your relationship so far does not indicate any problem. If you are careful to keep this a brother/sister kind of relationship with no sexual actions or tone in your writings, there should not be a problem. I suspect, too, that you will meet another girl on your campus who will take care of your lovelife.Do be careful to keep the meetings with the younger girl infrequent and very public if you choose to have them at all. If, by chance, she should initiate any sexual messages, be sure that you respond that they are inappropriate at this time because of your age difference.She is probably infatuated with you--an older guy paying attention to her. Just don't let it go anywhere. Relax and concentrate on your studies.