Help, Im Confused, Lost, and need opinions.
Ok, so this might a vent as much as it questions...I need to get this off my chest.
First off this girl and I had an off and on relationship all the way through Junior High (5th through 8th) that ended abruptly and hurt her, and I (made me a little more cautious and not want to go into relationships so fast.)
Now were Juniors and my group of friends has been hanging out with hers for slmost 2 months now, weve flirted nonstop (both huge flirters) but about 2 weeks ago It finally culminated to us kissing. Alot. After the first kiss she stopped me and said we can only be friends, were just experimenting. Later that night we made out for maybe 3 minutes at my car door, she's an amazing kisser by the way and she melts when you nibble on her ear, so I called later that night and we stayed on the phone for a 2 hours till about 2 in the morning. It's been about a week since that's happenend and shes started calling me alot more and just me and her have been hanging out a little more. Last night she called me and work then I came home and called her back and we stayed on the phone for about an hour, and the subject of us together came up and at first she said she's not ready...then immediately corrected herself with not that I wouldnt date you. Later we start talking about maybe we should try to "experiment" again but she says it makes her feel slutty (she's a very wholesome girl, first kiss in 10th grade...I was her second kiss) but if we do, were definently using the song. (A cd I made for her the "song" being Sea and Rhythm by Iron and Wine. Badass Song)then she started saying that she views people she would like to make out with in another category as people she would date.
I dont know why she's telling me this but It makes me upset so I change the topic and we get off the phone with the regular parting of night 'sweet dreams'.
Note: She hast kissed me in public since, we get really close and tease each other but she always stops herself saying "not in public" , and we always are in public so I dont know if that's real or not but It does seem like her not to kiss in public.
My Feelings: I Cant stop thinking about this girl, Ive come to a realization that she is the thing that has kept me going for 2 months, When I do spend time with her, I go home lay down, overanalyze her words, and just think about her. I mean I want to be there for the rest of her life, and this doesnt feel like the puppylove bullcrap Ive been in before. I don't feel the least bit awkward around her, neither does she (Is that bad?..that she doesnt?) But seriously I can picture spending the rest of my life with her.
My Opinion: I think that shes scared, our last relationship lasted 4 years (on and off) and at the end scared her, she doesnt want to let herself be vulnerable again so she puts up shields, like "we can only be freinds if we do this (were just experimenting)", once before kissing her she told me she might like somebody and told me it was Chris this guy she barely ever talks to. Another possible reason is she doesnt want our friendship to be ruined the last time we broke up our two groups of friends also split. I think I shouldnt rush into this, hold back for a while and see what happens but I cant just let this go on for too long.
Maybe she really does just want to be friends, but would you call a friend at 2 in the morning and tell him you want to see him tommorow and to call you when he wakes up, would you turn off your cell phone to block all her friends and talk to you on her home phone?
Would she do any of this ive mentioned in the whole post if she Didnt at least harbor any feelings for me?
I dont know.
Maybe Im "Blinded by the light", obviously my opinion is very biased not purposely but subconciously im sure it is.
So please post any opinions, questions, help, tips anything. I need help, anything. Thanks
The Loneliest Eskimo
You know I have had many people tell me similar stories and they all end the same way. The girl ends up with another guy and the dude finds himself alone and goes off and does stupid stuff and possibly ruins his life. Ok maybe I am stretching the truth a little but this is what my analysis is:
From the information you have supplied I believe she likes you a lot. She obviously has feelings for you and you recipricate those feelings and have a bit more possibly. If you feel this strong about her, then my advice is to tell her how you feel. Ask her how she really feels and what she is afraid of. Just be real with her and don't be afraid to do what you have to do if it means bringing you happiness. But I do have a question that could make a big difference in my advice. Why did your relationship go on and off over the years? Good Luck and Good Times Friend
Wow, thanks for such a detailed and intelligent reply Forever. But my opinion on why the relationship kept going sour and what not was because she was confused...I knew exactly what I wanted, and was very patient...but she was always flirting...always with the drama back then.
Btw, if you respond to this^ look at this too:
UPDATE: Tonight she got home from running, and found out one of her guy friends was buying steroids from another one of her guy friends who had promised her that he would never get involved in anything to do with drugs again FOR her. (none of us believed this knowing that this kid is way too deep to stop, and weve tried to talk her out of even talking to him because he brings her down.) But the drugee, Chris, got really pissed for someone telling her that he was dealing and called up 2 people he suspected of telling her and threatened to kill them. Were sure he was high on something but nonetheless all gathered at one place to protect her and the "suspects") Well her being what she thought the instigator that started it all, because she confronted chris about the dealing when he promised not to anymore. She immediately called me and my friend to come pick her up, anyway I comforted her, wiped her tears away, kissed her forehead and promised everything would be ok. Anyway to make it short I called her tonight, and she told me she had to go to sleep...but she wanted to thank me for holding her tonight and that she was still numb from it. I had to vent that too I guess, but what do you think? Anybody?>