Hey all I'm back and I think I need your advice again: heres the story for those just tuning in
In reply to:
The reason I ask is because this happened to me. And after it kinda fell apart I've been questioning what happened to me. How did she transform from a mere friend to some pure form of elegance, slowly corrupting my mind until my infatuated nature got the best of me? How does this crazy and spontaneous person I've known for months suddenly turn into this "Girl Next-door?"
A logical answer is that the emotions just developed over time as we interacted with one another. That I saw desirable characteristics in her that I hadn't initially picked up on. But I don't believe this is the case because I have known her for quite some time. From the get-go I had always felt closer to her then the other women in the group but there was no desire for a relationship, she was just "best-friend" material. But I guess after I had become best friends with everyone in the group in which we all met, and still hang out with, things sorta got a little wierd.
Long story short we had "the talk" and decided to stay friends. She said she doesn't know why she doesn't like me because she said I'm one of her best friends, a great guy, and really cute. After my cheeks stopped turning red I had realized she didn't know why she didn't like me, which means there is something I did subliminally to make her feel I was less suitable as a boyfriend. Another theory I have is that she really doesn't like me that way at all and does have a reason, but she knows that reason would cause me some degree of hurt\pain\embarrasment. Can any of the fine and intelligent women here on the boards shed some light on this? Any idea which of the two possibilities is more likely to be true?
There has been like no progress from there really at all. She still hasn't told me why but I've never pressed the issue or really brought it up...I'm afraid she'll just get weird about everything again.
Ok to start: I've started to like her again despite my very best efforts to not like her, but in all honesty how do you ever just turn off your emotions like that? To talk about the next problem I must first say me and my circle of friends are really really close with eachother. Another guy in this group also likes her. He thinks it isn't obvious but it's plain as day. Let it also be known: there are 7 ppl in the group, 3 girls and 4 guys. 2 guys are hooked with 2 girls which leaves me, my friend here, and this girl we both like as the only single ppl.
She is usually really comfortable around any of the guys in the group. No problem with slinging an arm around her, or cuddling up during a movie at someones place, or sleeping together (I know that sounds bad but it's just sleep heh...I swear). The other girls in the group are like this too but since they got bf's in the group it's always just me or my friend who are close with her now.
Lately tho this guy that likes her has been getting close like that all the time. And she still seems pretty comfortable about it even though he's laying it on pretty thick. The issue is that she gave me a big talk about how she isnt ready for a relationship and this and that, yet she hasn't been acting that way with this guy.
And it's truly confusing because I regard myself as being closer with her, I talk with her more, I connect and agree with her more, we have more in common, I'm taking her to grad still (i hope), etc, etc. And not to rag on my friend but I'd also say I'm better looking.
So why is it she's never chosen to spend a night with me but has every other get together with my friend? When I questioned her friends about it they insisted they know she doesn't like him and that she would really like to be closer with me the next time.
So I threw my own little party and guess who was the only one who got drunk (kinda mellow party [also she doesn't drink or like the smell of booze at all])? It was him. So she had the choice between me (a sober guy who has all these great qualities) or him (drunk, mumbling in his half sleep, smelling of booze). She chose him. Now what the heck am I doing wrong?
I'm beginning to feel a little left out now since there seem to be 3 couples forming out of a group of 7. I'm like the odd man out here and it's really frustrating, confusing, and depressing. Quite frankly I'm a little mad with my friend because he knows I like her yet he still proceeds without a care. Worse yet he seizes any oppritunity he gets to insult or degrade my infront of her and it's becoming extremely annoying. And I think my standing with the entire group has been falling.
Yet I havn't done anything different at all! The only one who has changed is him so I know he is up to something. I've become paranoid that I often think they are going out and the whole group is keeping it under wraps because they know that if they hook up I'm leaving the group.
It's a big dilemna. He likes her. Her friends, who originally felt I should go out with her and supported me, say she doesn't like him. She seems to be more comfortable around him. I'm always left out now.
What do you think is going on now? Does she really like him? Do you think they are already going out? Am I being overly paranoid because another man also likes the same woman I do?
PS. sorry for the lack of sophistication I usually possess...i'm nearing the edge of insanity.