Ok, so this might a vent as much as it questions...I need to get this off my chest.First off this girl and I had an off and on relationship all the way through Junior High (5th through 8th) that ended abruptly and hurt her, and I (made me a little more cautious and not want to go into relationships so fast.)Now were Juniors and my group of friends has been hanging out with hers for slmost 2 months now, weve flirted nonstop (both huge flirters) but about 2 weeks ago It finally culminated to us kissing. Alot. After the first kiss she stopped me and said we can only be friends, were just experimenting. Later that night we made out for maybe 3 minutes at my car door, she's an amazing kisser by the way and she melts when you nibble on her ear, so I called later that night and we stayed on the phone for a 2 hours till about 2 in the morning. It's been about a week since that's happenend and shes started calling me alot more and just me and her have been hanging out a little more. Last night she called me and work then I came home and called her back and we stayed on the phone for about an hour, and the subject of us together came up and at first she said she's not ready...then immediately corrected herself with not that I wouldnt date you. Later we start talking about maybe we should try to "experiment" again but she says it makes her feel slutty (she's a very wholesome girl, first kiss in 10th grade...I was her second kiss) but if we do, were definently using the song. (A cd I made for her the "song" being Sea and Rhythm by Iron and Wine. Badass Song)then she started saying that she views people she would like to make out with in another category as people she would date.I dont know why she's telling me this but It makes me upset so I change the topic and we get off the phone with the regular parting of night 'sweet dreams'.Note: She hast kissed me in public since, we get really close and tease each other but she always stops herself saying "not in public" , and we always are in public so I dont know if that's real or not but It does seem like her not to kiss in public.My Feelings: I Cant stop thinking about this girl, Ive come to a realization that she is the thing that has kept me going for 2 months, When I do spend time with her, I go home lay down, overanalyze her words, and just think about her. I mean I want to be there for the rest of her life, and this doesnt feel like the puppylove bullcrap Ive been in before. I don't feel the least bit awkward around her, neither does she (Is that bad?..that she doesnt?) But seriously I can picture spending the rest of my life with her.My Opinion: I think that shes scared, our last relationship lasted 4 years (on and off) and at the end scared her, she doesnt want to let herself be vulnerable again so she puts up shields, like "we can only be freinds if we do this (were just experimenting)", once before kissing her she told me she might like somebody and told me it was Chris this guy she barely ever talks to. Another possible reason is she doesnt want our friendship to be ruined the last time we broke up our two groups of friends also split. I think I shouldnt rush into this, hold back for a while and see what happens but I cant just let this go on for too long.Maybe she really does just want to be friends, but would you call a friend at 2 in the morning and tell him you want to see him tommorow and to call you when he wakes up, would you turn off your cell phone to block all her friends and talk to you on her home phone? Would she do any of this ive mentioned in the whole post if she Didnt at least harbor any feelings for me?I dont know.Maybe Im "Blinded by the light", obviously my opinion is very biased not purposely but subconciously im sure it is.So please post any opinions, questions, help, tips anything. I need help, anything. Thanks The Loneliest EskimoUPDATE: Tonight she got home from running, and found out one of her guy friends was buying steroids from another one of her guy friends who had promised her that he would never get involved in anything to do with drugs again FOR her. (none of us believed this knowing that this kid is way too deep to stop, and weve tried to talk her out of even talking to him because he brings her down.) But the drugee, Chris, got really pissed for someone telling her that he was dealing and called up 2 people he suspected of telling her and threatened to kill them. Were sure he was high on something but nonetheless all gathered at one place to protect her and the "suspects") Well her being what she thought the instigator that started it all, because she confronted chris about the dealing when he promised not to anymore. She immediately called me and my friend to come pick her up, anyway I comforted her, wiped her tears away, kissed her forehead and promised everything would be ok. Anyway to make it short I called her tonight, and she told me she had to go to sleep...but she wanted to thank me for holding her tonight and that she was still numb from it. I had to vent that too I guess, but what do you think? Anybody?> UPDATE2:Last night we were all hanging out at one of my friends house when she asked me if she could have a ride home, as she had to be home at 12:15 and it was 11:45. So, of course, I took her home about 15 minutes later. She told me to park in the hospital parking lot and the first thing she said was, If we do this we can only be doing it for fun, just to experiment, and then we made out for maybe 5 minutes before she stopped and said she feels guilty. (She doesn't have a boyfriend, she's just very wholesome and feels bad when doing anything sexual.)She had always told me she loved kissing and to her it was fun. I feel the same way, I mean it's supposed to be fun (sharing feelings in an intimate way), but my question is can she really kiss me that passionately without having any feelings for me?Notes: while were kissing I hold her hand/hands and she squeezes back, responds to my touches, but when we stop she sits their holding my hand then giggles and pushes/slaps it away. What is this? She's told me before even thought some people are really attractive their's only some people she would actually make out with me being the only one out of maybe a group of 50. Does this mean anything?Does she really have no feelings for me and just likes making out?Please respond, I need reassurance of any sort.
Opinions Please, I love her.
The only reason I'm posting is cos I don't want to leave you hanging - but if you want my opinion, I say she's using you.
Now I'm probably way biased cos I'm not quite over the hating girls thing I went through (in fact it may be coming back) but if she keeps telling you it's just for fun, then dude, it's just for fun. And that's it. Not because she wants to date you or spend the rest of her life with you or some sentimental shash like that, but just because she wants to have a little fun.
You can say she's wholesome till the cows come home - but if she's doing this - man, she ain't all that wholesome.
So she held you and thanked you - all girls would! Especially if she knows she can keep you around as an emotional sponge to suck up all of her bad feelings.
Fans of pessimism and overanalysis might even go so far to say she's using you as practice for some other outlaw biker she's seeing.
As for "can she kiss you that passionately without feeling anything?"
Well, I've learnt that girls are VERY good at faking emotion. Even stupid ones are masters at it. I spent months of my life chasing after a PHENOMINALLY stupid girl, solely because she fooled me into thinking she liked me. And the resulting turmoil was not pretty.
What YOU need to do it stand her up, look directly into her eyes and say "Look, I need to know what your intentions are, because if you don't want to be with me in that way, then you need to stop leading me on"
Chances are this will start a big argument with her screeching "But I told you it was just for fun" - and you know what? She'd be right!
But that doesn't mean it's your fault, because she'd be the one leading you on.
Take charge! Be a man! Girls seem to like macho crap - yet they also seem to like "guys who are in touch with their feminine side" so wear a pink shirt and talk about poetry before you take charge!
SadbutTrue I spotted this line and had to post... In reply to: Fans of pessimism and overanalysis might even go so far to say she's using you as practice for some other outlaw biker she's seeing. I was given the ladder thing before, and saw the same exact thing. A girl gave it to me for some reason, never figured out why.
from a girl's point of view, this isn't a good situation. most likely, nothing good is going to come out of it. i mean, i could be wrong.. of course, but it seems like a. she's using you; or b. she likes you but she's embarassed to be seen with you. i mean, maybe she does like you, but she doesn't think that you're "cool" enough for her to actually have a realtionship with. i mean i could be very wrong but the entire situation just seems no good. sorry ps. i agree with this In reply to: What YOU need to do it stand her up, look directly into her eyes and say "Look, I need to know what your intentions are, because if you don't want to be with me in that way, then you need to stop leading me on
Ok, ive been in your position before. I'll tell you the shortest possible version of my story i can give you and maybe you can get somthing out of it. I met this girl, and that second i knew her i knew that she was amazing and that any guy that had her was the luckiest guy in the world. Unfortuanatly that lucky guy was a good friend of mine so i couldn't even try. So eventually by accident we sort of became close friends and we noticed that there was feeling between us, we never cheated really on her boyfriend, my friend, but we did hold hands and such. Then I told her that i had feelings for her but it was too much for her to handle. SHE WANTED TO DO WHAT WAS EASY! now thats the key (mayber your girl is in a similar frame of mind). He treated her poorly and she hated it, but it was easier than starting over with me and she pushed me away. Weeks later we realized that we still had to see each other and we feel deeper for each other, and she eventually decided that she would break up with him for me. That week she broke up with him she didn't talk to me once. And we talked every single night so it killed me. Then she called me up and told me we couldn't be together and it broke me up. a month or so later she was back out with her old boyfriend (this was in college now). I told her to go away. I had been the best of friends to her but i couldn't stand to see her go through the same pain with him again. So i said goodbye and that was it, i threw away everything that reminded me of her and i mean everything.... and tried to forget her. Another month down the road she calls me up and says she needs to see me. She came over and broke down in front up me. Telling me that she wanted me and only me. And as easy as that i forgave her and weve been together ever since. I think it was beacuse i had been a great friend to her for so long that it took losing me for her to realize what she had. This happend over the course of a year and a half to give you an idea of how long this could take. Lonely Eskimo, I may be a romantic. But if you care about her enough you will be willing to go through being her best friend for however long it takes. Someday, she might realize that not being with you was the biggest mistake she ever made. Give it time, if you find yourself not wanting to even be friends with her then maybe it was just a short fuse passionate affair and there was nothing really there. Or maybe you and her will realize that there is really something there to explore. Only you can figure that out.