i have been with my guy for 2 years now. and i already moved in to live with him.
we had a fighting problem since about a year ago and it just kept getting worse. we fight everyday now if not twice a day. i really love him and im so use to being with him that im scared to be without him. i barely have any good friends that i can go to when i needs help or good advise, and i cant talk to him becausae everytime we talk it turns into a fight.and lately hes been acting very angry all the time. (by the way he has two kids...without a mother....and a stressfull job) i try to be there for him as much as i can... i babysit his kids(if i wouldnt he would have to quit his job because his mom or brother dont want to do it) and i always give him money eather to borow or for free.
i admit i can be a bitch once in a wile but recently he has had a hitting problem. we would be going at it for an hour and i would come out of it with bruses. not serious ones but a balck and blue here and there. i always cry and think of how stupid i am for letting him do that to me. but im scared to leave. he never use to be like this and i want the old him back but i dout he will ever come back. i just dont know what to do about this soituation.... i know the right thing to do is leave but its harder then it sounds (plus we live right next to each other)
maybe im just scared to be alone or that i wont find someone new. there are so many assholes out there and im scared to get my heart broken...again. he does have some good in him, the fact that he doesnt cheat and always tells me the truth and he can be a sweetheart when he wants to be.
i just need some advise. hope you guys can help.
i have been with my guy for 2 years now. and i already moved in to live with him.
**Get out, plain and simple hon. NO ONE deserves to be hit EVER...........and he might come back with the didn't mean to - won't happen again - blah blah blah bullshit! Hes done it more than once and he will continue to do it while you stay with him. Even if he gets on his knees and beg for forgiveness tell him to fuck off.
Get a taste of Old Time Religion..........lick a witch grin<br />
That relationship is on a bad trajectory. The way things are going, you'll eventually wind up in the hospital. You have to get out of that relationship...you have to leave. You're not married. You're not financially dependent on him. The "old him" (to the extent that it was even real) is gone. There is no good reason to stay.
Not every other guy out there is an asshole, and your heart is already broken. Living with this guy is like being on crack. They both are bad for you, and if you're hooked on either on, life without it seems scary. But you can do it. You really can. You must find a new place to live.
<i>Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.</i> -- MLK
You've said so yourself, the guy you fell for may never return. That's really sad. It's understandable that he's under a lot of stress, but that's really not excuse for hurting the one(s) he's supposed to love. Is he also abusive to the kids? Do you have family near by?
I know the thought of being alone might seem like the worst fate, but staying trapped in this relationship is much worse. You deserve a whole lot more than this, and you owe it to yourself to get out. No one can really make you happy but... you. I'd suggest writing a letter to your boyfriend, explaining how you feel and how he's hurt you, since you only end up fighting when you speak with him. I doubt that might bring about any long term change though. If I were in your shoes, I'd leave him but offer to babysit when I can. That is no doubt a huge burden for him. Of course, this is easy for me to say.
There ARE a lot of assholes out there, but that doesn't mean you need to keep yourself tied to this one. The unknown is scary, yes. You can and will find someone who will treat you right if you want to.
I hope it works out for you. Good luck.
A guy who is fucked up enough to be capable of hurting those he loves is deserving of our pity, help, and support. But I reckon you should just get away as soon as possible. Get away and then re-evaluate the situation. Dont like just leave him to get on with his life after getting away. Inform authorities so that he can get the help he clearly needs.
When you're in a situation like this, it can be really tough. You said yourself you've got very few friends you can turn to and consequently you're lacking the sort of support network you need. Also, you live right next door to the guy so even if you break off the relationship with him, there's the possibility of difficult meetings after the breakup.
None-the-less, you have to do it. You owe it to yourself not to put up with this sort of treatment from anybody and even though he probably feels terrible about it later, the trend for men and women who hit their partners is for them to continue hitting their partners, no matter the self-recrimination they suffer nor the sweetness of their apologies and actions in between their violent episodes.
Please, please, please, don't fall into the trap of thinking that you can change him from inside the relationship. It very rarely works and the consequences can be tragic. Find yourself someone to whom you can talk. There are lots of groups out there that can offer you advice and help.
Once you're out of the relationship, if you still love him and think you might want to make another go of it with him, urge him to seek help from a similar support group. Check up and make sure that he does. If he does and if he seems to be changing, you could always try to resurrect the relationship at a later date if it's what you both want. But for the time being, it's just not appropriate for the two of you to be together. Please realise that.
"You say '[color:"red"]OH MY GOD, you ADMIT to being a sexual pervert?[/color]' like it's a bad thing..."
my sister was in a similar experience, where she was afraid to leave. dear, no matter what this guy is a parasite in your life. i know you love him, and its the hardest to let go of someone you love, but he's using you. He's using you for your money and to babysit his kids. he's not benefiting you in anyway except maybe the love that everyone needs in their life, but what kind of love is it if he hits you and takes your money? please get out of this relationship, i saw my sister go through it and i saw how bad it can get, and i really dont want anyone to ever experience that...
Im havin trouble sleepin... you're jumpin on my bed;*
these are the kind of relationships that turn to abusive terrible ones. If he seems angry all the time, perhaps he may start to drink and things could get worse. I'd advise you to just be very careful whatever you do! </font color>
You never know when you will meet the perfect person.
GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!
Sweetie, I know you're reluctant to leave but here's a word coming from someone who's been hit. If he hits you once, the chancest that he'll do it again are greater than the chances that he won't. And it seems like you're already experiences the "light" side. Trust me..it only gets worse. Right now you're in a state where you're strong enough to leave. You may feel guilty but that's just because he's starting to wear you down. It's not the physical hold he's got on you...it's the mental hold...and it's getting stronger. You've just said it's probably because you're scared to be alone. The next thing you know it's going to be because no one else could possibly love you and he's the only one who does and hitting you is the only way he can show it. You'll be hiding facial bruises with makeup and cheap sunglasses, crying behind closed doors, and walking on egg shells trying not to make him mad...but it won't matter because there will always be a little thing that's going to set him off. And then he'll apologize like this, "i'm sorry for hurting you but you shouldn't make me angry." Is that kind of life you want for yourself sweetie? I hope not. Please heed everyone's advice...leave before you find yourself making too many excuses to stay.
.:.:Dixie girls - you talk it. We live it. You're jealous. Admit it.:.:.
Sweetheart, take it from someone who knows... get out and get out as fast as you can and never look back. When I was a sophomore in highschool I had what I though was the perfect boyfriend. He was sweet, funny, smart, and just everything I was looking for in a guy. He was a fairly big guy because he was a football player... he was about 6'2" and about 230 lbs of nothing but muscle. Everything was great or so I thought. One day we were joking around in his dad's van (his family and I were gonna go to the movies) and playing a game, we were trying to see if I could stare at him with out laughing or smiling. Well I kept looking away from him because I knew I couldn't keep myself from either smiling or laughing and I guess it pissed him off because before I knew what was happening he had me by my wrists above my head and he slammed me against the window and leaned in and whispered in my ear "Don't you ever look away from me". His parents were buisy talking about the movie we were about to see and they didn't see a thing. It scared me a bit but after a few moments he just laughed it off and said he was only jokeing and me being who I am I believed him. That was the first time he ever used violence against me. The second time was a little worse. I was over his house watching movies (yeah I know, we liked to watch movies alot lol) and I got up to go to the bathroom and he followed me and waited in the hall until I got out. Well we started talking which led to us arguing playfully about what we were going to do the next weekend I was to come over and he leaned down and started to kiss me and I told him that I didn't want one and pushed him away playfully and before too long I found myself being pushed against the wall with my arm twisted behimd my back with my chin being squeezed in his hand and him whispering in my ear to never ever tell him no because he gets what he wants. But of course he told me he was sorry and that he'd never do that again. I believed him. And guess what... it got worse and worse the longer I stayed with him. I had to hide bruises on my wrists, arms, and legs wher he had grabbed me and it wasn't easy. But he always made it seem like an accident. It wasn't until he actually punched me that I knew it wasn't normal and that I had to end it before I got in too deep. It was hard at first because he made me feel like I couldn't live without him.... but guess what, I did and you will too. Darling get out as soon as you can, noone and I mean NOONE deserves to be hit by anyone! Get out fast and never look back. Best of luck my friend hugs</font color>
<span style="font-style: italic">things we've learned from the movies - - when they're alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other....
get out. Nobody ever deserves to be abused.
except that redheaded stepchild that we all hate....carrot top